Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Collective tranquility.

 

 

I know a place
it's not far from here.

Birds stand silent amongst bare trees-
no sound, no-one there;
just a sense of wonder,
it's another world in which I can't describe.

A place of solace
for the grieving kinsfolk-
out of grim darkness
they search for hope and light.

They look to heaven
for unanswered questions-
and close their eyes
to what lies beneath the earth.

Are they trapped
in a dream-
alone yearning loved ones.

Or enjoying the sound
of collective tranquility?

It's a strange kind of feeling-
when the dead provide healing;
for it's tinged with the sorrow,
of a love that can never grow.

Are they trapped
in a dream-
alone yearning loved ones.

Or enjoying the sound
of collective tranquility?

Author notes

floorboards

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 65 of 65

  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    February 7

    Edit | Reply
    Very beautiful imagery and thought here.
    I enjoyed reading this one from you.
    Thanks for sharing it here!




    Jeremy0826


  • Desire gold member
    February 2

    Edit | Reply

    Oh My!!

    Aaaaaaw what a place You have penned indeed and this Inspires Spirit to want to go and see for self~ feel the tranquility- test the Dreamy waters Beautiful this is also the images tug hard- deep to the core~
    These lines had me balling like a baby
    It's a strange kind of feeling-
    when the dead provide healing;
    for it's tinged with the sorrow,
    of a love that can never grow.
    Excellent~
    Congratulations on Your Trophy win!
    -Throws confetti-
    Woooooooooo Hoooooooooooo


    Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
    Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet Soul
    Best wishes too
    with much love & light~ Desire~*~


  • islekine gold member
    January 29

    Edit | Reply

    Nice mix of imagery, thought

    and emotions...
    best wishes in the contest and always
    Write on!


  • aboomer silver member
    January 24

    Edit | Reply
    Really enjoyed this! Beautiful wording, images and especially emotion in this!
    Nicely done!!

    thank you for your entry
    best wishes

  • imahealer
    January 22

    Edit | Reply
    Fantastic use of internal rhyme, Alex. Your poetry is way above the poems of yours I read before. You just keep getting better and better. Your imagery struck home for me and others, as well.

    HAving been away from this site for a while, it is a pleasure to read my favorites poems. Best wishes and let me know how your family is!

    Linda


  • Yellow-Rose
    May 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very unique and well written poem. Thanks so much for your entry

  • californiagirl
    March 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this. I found it very intruiging, especially the lines "It's a strange kind of feeling-
    when the dead provide healing." That just resonated with me for some reason. It didn't make me start sobbing, but it was powerful nevertheless. Thanks so much for your entry and good luck!


  • KnightOfTheRose gold member
    December 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Nice job on this! Really well written! Thank you for entering! Excellent work and the best of luck in my contest!



    -Steve-


  • leander Moderators member
    December 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I have read a few of your poems here and what really jumps to mind is that you are very good when it comes to writing in images

    Definately kudos for that

    I like this one, it has a fairytale-ish feel to it, with a sad undertone, yet a soothing edge too.

    Thanks for entering this one in the contest as well!
    Leander

  • leander Moderators member
    December 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I have read a few of your poems here and what really jumps to mind is that you are very good when it comes to writing in images

    Definately kudos for that

    I like this one, it has a fairytale-ish feel to it, with a sad undertone, yet a soothing edge too.

    Thanks for entering this one in the contest as well!
    Leander

  • leander Moderators member
    December 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I have read a few of your poems here and what really jumps to mind is that you are very good when it comes to writing in images

    Definately kudos for that

    I like this one, it has a fairytale-ish feel to it, with a sad undertone, yet a soothing edge too.

    Thanks for entering this one in the contest as well!
    Leander

  • leander Moderators member
    December 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I have read a few of your poems here and what really jumps to mind is that you are very good when it comes to writing in images :) Definately kudos for that :) I like this one, it has a fairytale-ish feel to it, with a sad undertone, yet a soothing edge too. Thanks for entering this one in the contest as well! Leander

  • leander Moderators member
    December 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I have read a few of your poems here and what really jumps to mind is that you are very good when it comes to writing in images :) Definately kudos for that :) I like this one, it has a fairytale-ish feel to it, with a sad undertone, yet a soothing edge too. Thanks for entering this one in the contest as well! Leander

  • leander Moderators member
    December 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I have read a few of your poems here and what really jumps to mind is that you are very good when it comes to writing in images :) Definately kudos for that :) I like this one, it has a fairytale-ish feel to it, with a sad undertone, yet a soothing edge too. Thanks for entering this one in the contest as well! Leander


  • xxlisajazminexx
    October 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I think that is a question all of us would like the definate anwser to.....

    this was written with such imagery and with a wonderfully vivid wording to it......
    As I read you pained the picture to your words ....
    well done!!!
    -----------------------------------------------
    THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ENTERING THIS WONDERFUL PIECE INTO MY CONTEST!!!!!!!-----
    WISHING YOU MUCH LOVE----
    AND GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    XxLisaJazminexX

    __________________________________________________________________


  • warrior-eagle
    October 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    They look to heaven
    for unanswered questions-
    and close their eyes
    to what lies beneath the earth.

    I liked that. I think this poem went well specially writing about death and questioning it.awesome.


  • Chelsea Void
    October 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You added a little rhyme in there that kind of went against the no-rhyme scheme, but the poem was very gentle yet thought provoking


  • Daizy21
    September 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a topic where poets don’t usually go…and if they do, its could be boring and sometimes not even good…thank you for writing something that is not!!!
    This was stunning, loved the flow! It had a rhythm to it that also made it “tranquil”…a hidden metaphor, I like that.
    Perfect background by the way!
    Well done, thank you foe entering and good luck!!!


  • They Say Shannon
    September 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The idea of this was nice.
    It was such a peaceful yet still, I don't know the word I'm looking for - edgy type of, almost, piece.

    Not edgy.
    But it wasn't a silent peacful,
    more of a "in the woods" peaceful where there is still comotion going on such as birds.
    Ahah,
    not I'm babling.

    So I need to know if the words in the author notes have anything to do with your ap name or if they're just adding to the piece?
    Because if you didn't include your name then you didn't have follow a rule and unnfortunately you must be DQ'd. :/
    I'm sorry,

    Good luck


  • star girl
    August 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    nice.i like it.its very interesting.good luck.keep up the good work.


  • Timeless Wisdom silver member
    June 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Great write here. The Content was good, the meter was nearly perfect. The only thing I had trouble following was the rhyme scheme. I couldn't tell whether it was supposed to rhyme or not, because it rhymed in some places and not in others. Thanks for your entry and good luck.


  • Floorboards
    May 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    thanks very much for your very good and in depth critique. I agree with the "no-one here/there" bit, which i'll change, cheers for that. the dream analogy is actually meant to relate to the dead, not the families. i had it following on from "what lies beneath the earth", hoping that the reader's thoughts would actually turn to "what lies beneath the earth",i've not added question marks, because they're rhetorical questions, nobody could possibly know what happens after death, it was just meant to get people thinking, thanks again for your great critique, i appreciate it,
    floorboards.

    p;s, i've done away with the repeating of the dream analogy, as suggested.


  • saartha
    May 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your submission, this is a well thought-out poem. Let's see what I can critique here.

    Stanza one is a nice lead-in. No complaints there.

    Stanza 2: Bit of an issue in the second line. Remember that the speaker is telling someone this, and they are not actually among the trees. 'no-one here' should be 'no-one there.' The third and fourth lines don't do the imagery justice-- don't tell me this straight out. Describe it with literary devices-- metaphors, similes, personification, etc.

    Stanza 3: Heh, the word 'kinsfolk' confused me for a minute, before I realized you were referring to the family of the dead. Kind of a 'durr, I get it' moment for me.

    Stanza 4: I like the fact that you never come out and state that the place is a graveyard, but it's obvious anyways. That takes a decent amount of skill to be able to write between the lines.

    Stanza 5: This needs a question mark at the end. Also, it seems to me that the dead would be more fitting of the dream analogy, rather than the families. I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to imply with this.

    Stanza 6: Hmm, well. I guess the punctuation should actually be a comma at the end of stanza 5, and then a question mark at the end of this stanza.

    Stanza 7: What's with the sudden aabb rhyme scheme? It feels a little awkward after the previous freestyled stanzas. I like this final line, though. I'd never thought about it that way.

    I think you could delete the repeated stanzas at the end. They don't place any further emphasis, and it kind of weakens the ending in my opinion. If it were me, I'd just leave it at the seventh stanza.

    Thank you again for your submission. This was a very good poem, and I look forward to the review




  • Florida Sunshine
    May 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Oh this is so beautifully written! NICE JOB~ Good luck in the contest!


  • Trixie08
    April 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love the romanticism and transcendentalist ideas in this piece which makes this a very beautiful and spiritual piece. You definitely have soul. Thank you for your beautiful write and best of luck in the contest.


  • Pollycheck
    April 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for subjecting yourself to my review. This is a different kind of poem. It is hard to determine what the poem is actually about. It allows the reader to go where he wants to and to apply the poem to what is on his mind. I am not sure if this was intentional or if it just happened for you, but it is what many poets strive for and are never able to attain it.


  • Princessdove
    April 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice poem. It makes me think and drift off with wonder. I like this kind of poem which you wrote so well. Great Job and keep up the good writes.


  • Cupcrazy gold member
    April 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely piece hun. Vivid imagry and an overwelming feeling of tranquility. great write hugs, Bunny


  • okadadokie
    April 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love poems from that which make me wonder. It is not confusing, but seems a little mysterious. Creative and cool. Me likes. Good Luck.

    ~Oka/KC


  • Lady-Pegasus
    April 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your contest submission as well as for following the rules. A sweet gentle write, although I get the feeling of emotions held back in here. Not a bad thing, just seems... not quite there, a touch of polishing perhaps will make this shine! Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e *


  • Dark Whispers
    April 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was a nice poem with a flow and well written. Lines 7-10 are a little choppy, but the rest flows well.
    thanks for entering in my contest and best of luck in my contest.


  • Deviant Dreamer
    March 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is an excellent piece...and it seems to have found its way into quite a few contests.


  • A falling star
    March 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like it. I think we all need a place to go to maybe escape and think, even if it isn't a real place or anything.
    Thank you for entering my contest.

  • Cinnarry gold member
    March 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Beautimous!


  • Poetic Drug
    March 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    very well written

  • Heavenly Star
    March 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is a great poem you wrote floorboards. I love it! WOW good luck in your contests


  • LoveNeverDies
    March 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    really great write but im not really a huge fan of free verse it definaetly was tranquil thanks for entering the contest have a great day and good luvk in the contest


  • ehhwhat
    March 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i like this poem, its very nicely written. thank you for entering my contest


  • Grey Mouser
    February 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Serenity found in the comfort of the past. Where the peace of sadness can be approached without fear of further hurt or sorrow. The solace received from those gone before us found in the solitude of companionship. Well written and thank you for entering into the contest.
    Be well and be blessed,
    Mouser


  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    February 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Oh, I really, really love this. You've done an excellent job penning here and it flows so smoothly while speaking volumes. Fantastic job :D

  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    February 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, I really, really love this. You've done an excellent job penning here and it flows so smoothly while speaking volumes. Fantastic job :D


  • Luna Darling
    February 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this poem. It invokes a lot of diffrent emotions. I do think this reminds me of a painting I once saw, but now cannot remember. Very good job!

    Good luck in (my and other) the contests


  • GC De Piazzi silver member
    February 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    There are quite a few poignant points in this poem that drag me into the mind of the writer. Felt the emotion. Good luck in the contest.


  • tawk gold member
    February 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is such a serene and full of emotions write. I got a sense of peacefulness when I was reading it. Good luck in my contest

  • fallen-leaf
    February 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Really nice.

    Wow. This is a really really really good poem. Its filled with a lot of strong emotion and meaning. It's truly good. I liked these lines the best:

    "It's a strange kind of feeling-
    when the dead provide healing;"

    Well, thank you so much for sharing and entering this beautiful write. Good luck in my contest! Keep up the great work!


  • freebutsafe
    February 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I thought this was great...solace in a world of chaos

  • gingleberry
    February 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Why would you be Dq'd, doesnt that sort of invite the person to dq'd now anyway? Anyway, i love this type of poem, i've read it a few times, i cant really think of anyway of 'improving it' so no helpful critisism unless you accept "I really enjoyed this, i wouldnt change a thing!" If so, theres my comment.


  • Whoochi gold member
    February 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Captivatingly intriguing...makes me ponder the question...yearning or tranquil...you have provided much food for thought...great flow to this....


  • Poetry and I Inc
    February 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Impressive read here. Could use a few changes in grammer and words; however could be jus me. Well done job. Looking forward 2 reading more soon. -theQueen"


  • PerfectImperfection
    February 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is very well composed and wonderfully penned. nice imagery and thought provoking lines here. a truly poignant piece! thank you for entering!


  • MissStranger
    February 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this one!the title is so intriguing and i was amazed by the word-choises and the way you twisted ideas within the lines!well done and good luck in the contest!


  • Celticmoon
    February 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    thank you for entering!

    over all score is a 5

  • Cupcrazy gold member
    February 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    A wonderful entry, I loved your form and flow and your thoughts were quite captivating. An excellent write and good luck in the contest. Bunny


  • Jason Dorn
    February 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    You really pinned meaning to the picture great job. I loved the flow and message in this piece it was very easy to follow. Staying to the point it really held my attention throughout the piece. You must have already dropped the commas as I feel the flow is fine. Thank you for your entry and good luck at judging.


  • B Chandler
    February 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    DO NOT REPLY/RESPOND

    Grammar wise, drop the commas seeing how they are acting like speedbumps

  • Lost Luggage
    January 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Yes, I know this place

    have often gone there to grieve
    myself
    listened to the silent birds
    and stillness of the trees

    I've gone their to witness
    the tranquil forest host
    then made my out again
    caring not to blunder into
    the land mines which I've sewn.

  • Cupcrazy gold member
    January 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Stunning

    This is an absolutely stunning piece. Such tranquility and peace flows from each line. I loved it from start to finish. Thank you for this great entry and good luck at judging. Hugs, Bunny


  • Inside and out
    January 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love this poem. I believe that I read this in the morning and commented. I must have used your name...oops.
    I found this to be a poem that flows tranquil.. it is memorable. I was playing some of these lines back into my mind as I worked today. It gave me a strong sense of peace. Well done dear poet. ( my previous remarks still reign true) Good luck in the contest.


  • darell
    January 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Creative!

    This was a mystical and enchanting write.
    The idea's of what the dead may be doing
    was quite fascinating. The mood of the poem
    was reverent and peaceful. No matter what one
    may think in regard to their present state,
    this poem left the reader with a subtle but
    pleasant feeling. Good job


  • Xx Alice xX
    January 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I love walking in the winter. I feel the trees show their true selves. I stand in awe at their structure. They pose for us and wave with the winds. Truly is a quiet time of year, easy to reflect on life, and all we have known. Enjoyable write.


  • masterblaster gold member
    January 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Hi, this is a very lovely write, do promote it many I am sure will love it, well the ones with brains will, subtle and has a great feel, smooth very smooth on the flow nothing jars,it is crystal clear like a mountain stream, this is what good poetry is all about, I'll pay for the applauses as it would be a sin not to give you some,all the best, Di


  • DenyMyLove
    January 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very well written!!!! Makes you think of a calm place where you go to sit and reflect. Good Luck in the contest!!!!


  • sheltered
    January 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Nice take on the picture. I love the word tranquility almost as much as the feeling, elusive as it is. You have captured it well here...Peace...and tranquility my friend.


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    January 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This was done very well. At first I didnt get it but then realized there was a pic used for inspiration. After seeing the pic, it all came together for me.
    I really enjoyed this piece. Great job and good luck.
    Soulful Woman

  • Bad Bill
    January 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like this very much. There is a beautifully ethereal feeling to it and it's excellently structured.
    Cheers,
    Bill

1 - 65 of 65