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Lilith

Missing image

Lilith

.

I am the breath of firmament

gazing up upon the heavens

 I see three angels did descend

 holier than thou presumption

.

gazing up upon the heavens

their wings resting in my presence

striving to steal my mortal soul

I will never lay beneath him

.

I see three angels did descend

I have my will so leave me be

I am the holy breath of wind

you lowly servants of the lord

.

holier than thou presumption

the children’s souls I’ll gladly take

to keep my will and keep my wind

the angel of light keeps me now

  

 

Author notes

Option: 2. Lilith:

Wikipedia : Lilith is a female Mesopotamian night demon associated with wind and thought to harm children. She is a popular figure of Neo-Pagan worship. In the Book of Isaiah , Lilith ( לִילִית , Standard Hebrew Lilith ) is a kind of night-demon or animal, translated as onokentauros in the Septuagint , as lamia " witch " by Hieronymus of Cardia , and as screech owl in the King James Version of the Bible . Lilith also appears as a night demon in the Talmud and Midrash . She is often identified as the mother of all incubi and succubi . Late medieval Jewish legend portrays her as the first wife and equal of Adam . Considering Adam inferior, Lilith left the Garden of Eden of her own free will (Other stories claim Lilith refused to lie under Adam, as she considered that this was too submissive). Adam then bade three angels to find Lilith and bring her back. When Lilith refused, God punished her by commanding that she slay 100 of her children, called Lilin , each day. Lilith is also sometimes considered to be the paramour of Satan .

 

 

RETOURNE Like so many other French forms, the retourne is all about repetition. It contains four quatrains (four-line stanzas), and each line has eight syllables. The trick is that the first stanza's second line must also be the second stanza's first line, the first stanza's third line is the third stanza's first, and the first stanza's fourth line is the fourth stanza's first. Retournes do not have to rhyme.

 

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Comments

1 - 61 of 61

  • Misskaoz
    October 14

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    Thanks for not only for not only doing a sepcific form, but describing what it is, otherwise people like me would have never known :-).


    • Amera gold member
      October 14
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      Thank you; most forms are described in the lists on my front page if you don't see the directions in the poem's notes


  • Tirrell
    December 28, 2008

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    I am growing an affection of this form, and love the folklore, and personification of the lore and legends you have something here of great purport.
    Well done.

  • jadeangyal
    September 8, 2008
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    Retourne is my new favorite form, and I have just discovered your wonderful page! Very nice poem.


  • upperworld06
    August 30, 2008
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    whoa this is cool, a little bit of learning and having fun combined. nice job


  • Age of Rain
    August 3, 2008

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    Soooooo basically your page has become my new center for exploring new forms. I used to go to shadow poetry, but I find yours are better written than the examples they give. *grins* I loved this piece and decided to write one. Heheh. I also stole a word from the piece as well. 'Firmament' SUCH an amazing word. It is what made my favorite line in this your first. Of course, this whole piece is GOSH DARNED GREAT!

  • Have left the site
    June 23, 2008

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    Lilith in retourne is quite interesting. The repetition of lines can be very effective in this form. There is much dark anger in this writ. Enjoyable to think on. -Wil


  • Gothik Prynce
    June 22, 2008
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    Your intellagents scars me ... I am just kidding. I did not know some of the lore that you wrote at the end, It was good to learn something.


  • Dark Otter
    February 22, 2008

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    Good subject

    I love the research you did on this poem. The legend, mythology has never been as well explained as I see in your author notes. We both have an interest in the mystical stories of the past. Well done! In keeping alive an ancient story by breathing life into it.


  • malmadre gold member
    January 2, 2008

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    Everything presented here has appealed to all my senses, so rich with the words and image and the sound that you can feel it. I wish that Lilith was my sister...


  • Carpe Noctem
    December 26, 2007

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    Amazing. Even better that you used a form, and executed it so well. This was really great! Thanks for entering, and best of luck!!!


  • Ithica silver member
    November 7, 2007

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    You have done your research and adapted it well to the Retourne form. Very in depth profile of Lilith and it provokes my interest even further....


  • Whisper Mckee
    August 27, 2007
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    I had also read of Lilth Grat poem.


  • T-Dizzle Mcnizzle
    August 19, 2007
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    very good


  • Austere
    August 7, 2007

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    I love this

    I love this style. I also love your work, all 3 that I have read, and I will continue. You are becoming a teacher to me, i am learning more by your words with ever poem I read. I also like and appreciate the fact that you have and understanding of your subjects and that you give the information needed to understand more fully. Thank you!

  • beautifullyjaded
    August 2, 2007
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    You came highly recommended, and did not disappoint. Wonderful write.


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    July 11, 2007

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    Another fascinating one! I have heard of Lilith, though didn't know the exact details of the lore. I must read up more on them these days you know, at least this contest should give me some good groundwork to work on. Very nicely written my friend, ery nicely written.

    I could feel each word and roll each syllable from my tongue.

    Best wishes and keep up the good hard work!


  • theredcatjazzoflove gold member
    June 19, 2007

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    very...

    nice picture and the back ground was absolutely terrific for the picture you match the picture and the back ground very well


  • RedAquarius
    June 14, 2007

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    Nice picture, night elf from World of Warcraft (yes, I am a gamer geek!). Fascinating write here, from the view of the demon(ess). I seem to recall also reading somewhere (goddess help e but I can't remember where) that Lilith was related to the start of the ancient vampires too. My memory is really hazy on that though.


  • lust in a grenade
    May 11, 2007
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    thats cool i love the repetitions, thanx for entering


  • painfully amazing
    May 6, 2007

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    wow...i mean..WOW...this is AMAZING...deserves a bamillion(lol yes a bamillion ) gold trophys...wow...

    nooreo


  • Sle3p
    April 5, 2007

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    Hmmmm this looks like another realy nice poem i want to hive gold its sooo hard!

    -maddie


  • CrystalJet
    March 2, 2007

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    This was a really interesting poem and I liked it. If you could make it rhyme it might sound better, because it gives the implication that it will rhyme, but then comes up short. You don't have to, but that fact kinda made me pause at the end of each stanza. Thank you for your wonderful entry and good luck in my contest.


    • Amera gold member
      March 2, 2007
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      thanks, well it's done in retourne, they don't rhyme the retourne is all about repetition.


  • DK akaLunaticSerene gold member
    February 26, 2007
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    I find this one to be one of the most horrific of female fiends. But, there IS something enen more elementally terrifying when the victim(s) are a child(ren) and that was Lilith's entire focus! Loved this!
    xxoo
    dk


  • gasolinequeen
    February 25, 2007

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    I love how you described the angels as "lowly servants of the lord." There's so much being said in that one line. The entire piece has a marvelous flow and is absolutely gorgeous... thank you so much for sharing, and best of talent in the contest.


  • richiesnana
    February 23, 2007

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    BREATHE TAKING


    Breath taking
    this is different from what I had expected; I felt things that were hidden inside of my soul.

    Good luck in the contest



    • Amera gold member
      February 23, 2007
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      Thank you, I was hoping that would happen.


  • Myth Of Twilight
    February 22, 2007

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    i hate angels with a pashon indeed none the less this was a good write and well putogether good luck in juging


  • Through Your Iris
    February 20, 2007

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    I really like this

    I throughly enjoyed this poem, the font and picture really brought across the dark and evil nature you were trying to write about; even though I know the picture is from Warcraft . But anyway, i think my only critique on this poem was the lack of punctuation. I tend to like poems with good punctuation, but I still really liked your poem a lot, good luck in the contest!

    • Amera gold member
      February 20, 2007
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      Thank you very much, I used the retourne style, it’s French and I tried to do it correctly. A good retourne does not use punctuation, the correct flow and meter is supposed to provide the stops. I may not have done it well enough.


  • LadyLavender gold member
    February 18, 2007
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    Amazing imagery, the write...Blows me away!!!


  • Dark Soul Reaper
    February 16, 2007

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    Wow... powerful write. It's awesome. Beautiful, haunting, and kinda educational. It's a great write. Good job. You truely have a talent for this.


    • Amera gold member
      February 16, 2007
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      Thank you DSR, I knew you'd like it


  • Polaja Greeters member
    February 14, 2007
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    The first line only has seven syllables, apart from that you have grasped the concept of this form very well. This is a beautiful poem . . . I really like your subject matter and the way you have interpreted it. My favorite line is the one about the holy breath of wind!

    Thank you for entering and good luck

    Polly


    • Amera gold member
      February 16, 2007
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      You sure? I count eight sylables "firmament" is 3 sylables


      • Polaja Greeters member
        February 16, 2007

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        You had 'I am breath of firmament' when I wrote that comment ... now this is perfect! I wish you well

        Polly


  • Aeonna
    February 11, 2007

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    WOW

    IN FRENCH FORM TOO, AND BEAUTIFULLY DARK... I GIVE, I CANNOT CHOSE MY FAVORITE, GRR, I HAVE A HEADACHE NOW..

    ANOTHER DARK MASTERPIECE, POETESS
    FLEUR DE ROSA


  • Master Draconis
    February 9, 2007

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    Very well done Mi'lady....my favorite line has to be "Holier than thou presumption
    the children's souls I'll gladly take"
    This is an amazing poem, and serves the myths true justice, fair maiden.


  • Kiss ME Deadly
    February 8, 2007

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    wow this is great. i like it a lot, it actually helped me in a few ways, aside from it being a signifigant write it helps add character in my drama class, haha, i too entered the retourne contest, great job. thank you for entering


  • PerVirtuous
    February 6, 2007

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    Bunnyworthy

    Majestic use of words. This is no ordinary demon, this is a woman bent on her own will. As the previous commenter said, flawless. Three cute and cuddly bunnies, just to be different.


  • BonnieQ silver member
    February 6, 2007

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    An Element of Truth

    In this flawless piece there is such an element of truth that snears and rages in the world today; that of Satan, in his final desperation, making easy forage among our vulnerable children. This is very well written; so, it is no wonder it has made the finalists' list. Best wishes in the final judging!

    Much love in Christ,
    B♥nnieQ


  • blueyez
    February 6, 2007

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    I so loved this because even without the definition of who Lilith is you already know through your words. Wonderful!!!!!


  • Lone Defender
    February 4, 2007

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    Very nice. I enjoy a poem with a well-researched background immensely, and this one definitely qualifies.

    Do me a favor and toss the number of the option you chose into your Author's Notes, and we're in business.

    Thanks for entering, and good luck!


  • Pirates Dragon
    January 31, 2007

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    pretty good!

    a good write! for more info, i'm pretty sure that in jewish belief, Lilith is Adam's first wife that falls in love with an angel and might have been destroyed for that resulting in God creating Adam's second wife Eve...


  • Ontarah
    January 31, 2007

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    An excellent poem in a unique form. I love your accurate use of mythology. The poem captures Lilith's emotions so well, defiance and a hint of disdain. I also appreciate your detailed explanation about the poem's meaning and form. Excellent choice of words. I espceially liked "I am breath of firmament" Thanks for entering the contest and good luck!


  • Touch of Osiris
    January 31, 2007
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    Great,

    Loved it.. great write my friend.


  • Sokarjo
    January 31, 2007

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    Dark and very good. Good flow and repitition. Great piece! Thanks for entering it in the contest; good luck!

  • luvdrkchocolate
    January 28, 2007

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    Wow. This is a pretty intense poem that you have here. I don't know a whole lot about lilith but she sounded like a very determined woman. Sounds like you really liked the sound of her. And I think that you projected the fierceness of her spirit well. I enjoyed the intenseness of the feelings that you projected. You did a good job of expressing yourself.


  • Trixie08
    January 28, 2007

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    I loved this piece it's very beautiful and intoxicating. You have this way of mystifying the reader your words and lines just captives you and leaves you with a better understanding of the world. Reading your poems is like an experience


    • Amera gold member
      January 28, 2007
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      Thank you Trixie, from you I take that as a true complement.

      Blessings, Amera


  • Twinstar
    January 28, 2007

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    Great imagery, form & tone, good alliteration... I like this it is dark but impressionable...
    peace
    Twinstar


  • Keith
    January 28, 2007

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    Awesome

    A cheery little piece of verse
    And quite the thing to start the day
    The red on black I like a lot
    The picture gives me pause for thought

    And quite the thing to start the day
    I'll check behind me when I walk
    I doubt I won't have time to talk
    With Lilith on nocturnal stalk

    The red on black I like a lot
    The incubi and succubi
    Don't cheer the true insomniac
    I've read the red and then the black

    The picture gives me pause for thought
    So please accept three hearty cheers
    Don't dwell with Lilith on the brain
    But leave that girl to Frasier Crane


  • January 27, 2007

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    Very telling....

    This a poem of an acient power. Lilith and her story are told thought time. This is a great work filled with images of her presective. Do you pity (from the Late medieval Jewish legend) or fear her? Women in old text have been protrayed with fear and this poem is a master work!

    The opening!

    "I am breath of firmament
    gazing up upon the heavens
    I see three angels did descend
    holier than thou presumption"

    Fantistic my friend!

    Bravo!

    • Amera gold member
      January 27, 2007
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      Good question, I think I fear her but I can’t help but to wonder… what would have happened if God hadn’t cast her out? Would women be the stronger sex?


      • January 27, 2007
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        Interesting...

        These text were written by MEN - who feared the power of women. I embrance that power. For when combined - it is unstoppable! HAIL WOMEN!


  • Fire N Ice
    January 27, 2007
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    Dark and beautiful

    your writing is taking on a new form and wow,
    what can i say hun?
    very impressive!!


  • Im3
    January 27, 2007

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    I like

    This is a wonderful outline of her. Sleek, quiet and respectful. Of the element she commands, I could ride in the shadows and coast in her presence. I love your thoughts; brilliantly positioned, so the reader call fly as you do when you write.


  • Manoura xx
    January 27, 2007

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    wooow...i wouldn't be able to do such a thing...it is just amazing...but i am sure that if i stick with you..then i will be able to master this in a second...THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS WITH US!!!!!!!great job...BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!


  • -Gabriel
    January 27, 2007
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    That is amazing

1 - 61 of 61