A touch so soft it's barely there,
a word so quiet it's become a whisper in the air.
Your sent so vivid yet so distant,
it begins to smell like a mid summers breeze.
Your eyes so blue become a rivers reflection,
and your face so lovely- left trapped in the moon.
Your once perfect body has become a weeping willow tree,
and then I can no longer see the way you used to look at me,
because your memory is slowly fading from thee.
Author notes
Loved ones never die in your heart, they live on in memories. Some memories may fade well others grow strong but never let that person die to your heart i guess thats what im trying to say. 
A contest entry
- #4 Losing a loved one. by xox-lankan-xox.
500 points, ended March 13, 131 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Beautiful words
sis, you totally touched my heart with one, lately
I have been thinjing of my daddy and a dear close friend who died recently..The penning of this is truly
remarkable..Thanks for sharing, and keep penning...
Love always, sis -
Excellent word choice, and rhyming was unobtrusive.
I'm just going to make a few nitpicky remarks because the inner editor will not shut up if I don't (so please don't take offense!)
I think "Your sent" you mean to be "your scent"
and I think "mid summers" may be better as "mid-summer's"
"Your eyes so blue become a rivers reflection,"
I would make the reader pause and set off "so blue" with commas or punctuate as you do the next line for the sake of parallelism, and it should be river's reflection (Nice alliteration!)
"your memory is slowly fading from thee." I don't care for the antiquated wording, just a personal preference, but it also seems to muddy the meaning- I'm left wondering how could a memory fade from the person it is made up of?
Don't think I didn't like this- I did- it's very nice, like a memorial poem. But I'm all out of applause. -
it doesn't want to let me applaud... what the heck
let's try again. lol AP is being a butthead. feel free to ignore this message lol
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this is .... deep... for a lack of a better word (it's almost 2AM... i'm sleepy lol)
You did a really nice job, sweetie.
One of my favorite. The start is very strong, and the parallelism is great throughout.
"because your memory is slowly fading from thee. " I'm not sure if you actually meant to use the word "thee" did you mean from the audience or the speaker??
Love you, pretty.
Neri -
thats really sweet and well thought out, i got shivers from the line "your onceperfect body has become a weeping willow tree"
you'resuch a good writer
love you!
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beautiful
Kj
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thanks
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Thank you for taking the time to enter this contest and the best of luck to you.
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Soooooooo True!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahhhhhhhh my young friend, your words ring so true. Though we lose them to God, we never lose them in our hearts. They will always be with us. This was very deep and filled with strong emotions. I feel the love in all your words, from the beginning to the very end. You have touched my heart with this one. Keep them close to your heart and they will never fade from your mind. Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece with all of us. I love it. You get a standing ovation here to go along with my applause. Love and God bless, Joyce 
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Beautiful!
Losing a loved one is something that is soo so hard, especially when you're really close to them. My grandmother died when I was four and now I'm sixteen and I remember her like it was so many years ago. She was a beautiful person and I thought of her when I read this.
You did a beautiful job at describing those things that can and will be forgotten someday. Feelings fade but memories last forever.
Love
♥
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Oh, Sweetie, this is so beautiful!!! I love how you have written this wonderful piece, as if you know too well what death brings.
Memories of those who have gone on are to be treasured. You have such a loving heart. Love, Grandma
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This was incredibly deep and touching..I am touched by your words here. The best of luck to you in the contest.
Kari
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Thanks for the comment sis
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beautiful
This has touched my heart and brought
tears to my eyes for the fact this hits home considering it has been almost a month since my daddy passed away..
Great job sis...
Love you always,
me
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love you
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oh and good luck in the contest
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Loved ones never die in your heart, they live on in memories. Some memories may fade well others grow strong but never let that person die to your heart i guess thats what im trying to say
i loved the poem but this is what made me smile it is good to hear you talk like that keep it flowing -
wow great write. very emotional. I COULD FEEL YOUR WORDS. GREAT WRITE. CAN YOU GIVE ME FEEDBACK ON MY POEM LOVE OF MY LIFE.
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thanks for the comment
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Nicely stated here. Good form and flow. Good luck in the contest! Blessings and best wishes!
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thanks for the comment
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