I'm living in a world
That's ruled by hateful minds
They lie and slur and curse
And look down upon mankind
They live only for themselves
And don't think of anyone else
They just see me and they say
It's time to make him pay
And so as their darkness falls
My sword leaps to my hand
Outnumbered by the demons
United I shall stand
Sickness and hateful fools
Will not break down my walls
So here I wait for evermore
As the darkness falls
Their pestilence arrives
A dark cloud across the land
Against their sins so virulent
Nothing that lives can stand
They wear the blackness like a cloak
And they come with fire and smoke
But as they draw ever near
I lose all my sense of fear
And so as their darkness falls
My sword leaps to my hand
Outnumbered by the demons
United I shall stand
Sickness and hateful fools
Will not break down my walls
So here I wait forever more
As the darkness falls
And their obscene cacophony
Of dreams turning to dust
Is a vile dichotomy:
World-annih'lation or bust
So as they overrun my walls
I can no longer shut them out
Their perversiveness, it spreads
Like a poision all throughout
And so as I'm overpowered
I know this shall be my final hour
And so the blackness overwhelms me
As the darkness falls.
Author notes
Not really got round to what I wanted to say, it ended up having a bit too much fantasy and not really making enough points about their actualy darkness and demon-ness, so I might revise it at a later date.
However, this is meant to be a fast paced rock song - probably something like Dragonforce's style, if you know them, crossed with Green Day. The style effectively allows near rhymes to sound okay, and rhythms to fit, as it's sung with an open mouth and loud vocals. What do you think?
A contest entry
- Darkness Does Fall... by Broken Machine.
600 points, ended January 29, 2007, 18 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This is amazing! I think that it would be an awesome song... Even if you revise it, I would leave this copy on the site; it's truly great, and hey: in my opinion, the fantasy is a nice touch. It makes it very dynamic. Besides, it never hurts to have two different versions of the same poem up.
These words are very powerful. Superb word usage, and it has a great flow--it should translate well to music. And the lyrics alone are spectacular, too!
Awesome job!
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i think this is great! its really powerful, and flows really well, the rhyme where it is used is great. congrats on the bronze
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make my stand, one light removed in life
will shine in memory forever as the darkness
falls beside me. very good write. -
wow
this is a beautiful and powerful piece! i love the wording and the flow of it. its nice to see some depth in some of the poetry. something like this really stands out from the everyday. great write
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Wonderful. I really think you have something here. I was drawen in from beging to end and that hard to do. Job well done.
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Great!
This song is really great!What instrument do you play? Have you already composed the music?The lyrics are... fantastic. I really like them a lot, they're fit for the world we're living in. Congratulations!
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Dragonforce/Greenday-you've definately got something with that.
You asked for a good comment? Well, I'll say this-your touch of fantasy gave this piece just the flare it needed. You may not think you got across the point you wanted too, but it was still an effective way of getting across a deep point.
If your looking for ideas from someone, it won't be me. I've not enough talent to poke a stick at compared to you, and it's safe to say you've got plenty.
I was glad to see you placed in this contest, it was a remarkable read and I look forward to reading more. However, I hope I won't have such lengthy comments, perhaps this one will convey my entire opnion of all your writing. In such, that it is amazing.
~Justice
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heh
exactly what i was thinking, "Drangonforce"
you should really record this song. i'd pay to hear it.
gawd you're gonna have to send me a pm on how to write like this... i could look at it and try to figure it out.. but doing it like that always misses a few of the major points that makes the style awesome.
i have no suggestions on how to make it better... (compliment)
congratulations from me for the bronze you won with this poem.
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That would be an awesome song! Thank you for sharing it! Good luck!
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