promise you'll never think of me
in statue terms -
i don’t want to see myself
sculpted in your thoughts,
hair marbled with bird shit
and with a body that allowed
no access to its interior
space
Author notes
Nicolette
In a list
- Astralshepherd's List of Amazing Poets at All Poetry • next in list
- Possibilities for AP Book 2 • next in list
- precious gems • next in list
A contest entry
- edgy poetry by SurelyWritten.
300 points, ended February 1, 2007, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 44 of 44
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I just clicked on something..a suggested list...so someone seems to know my tastes in poetry rather well...no, never a statue...i agree...PK
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See this is why I love your poetry (Nami sent me to this one).
I have always hated it when placed on a pedestal. It is impossible to breathe up there when the air is so thin, you can barely think..
and the bigger the pedestal
the harder the fucking fall
when you come down off of it.
None of us are perfect, that is where the real beauty lies.
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She found an old one, lolol - but I'm glad you stopped by! I totally agree, none of us are perfect - yes, that's the beauty to love someone despite, because of being unperfect. Thanks so much, Suzie
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Nic... SHIT in your poem?? Wow. I love this totally.
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LOLOL... yes
- thanks, Namita - and also for sending Suzie here
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PERFECT PERFECT PERFECTLY PERFECT
i never had the opportunity to actually comment on this poem because I was the co-judge in this contest, and did not wish to comment on any of the poems, but this was the one i did have to restrain myself notto comment upon. brautigan was an early forerunner of male poets to champion women and their right to be considered human, and not merely chattal upon pedestals to be used, hair mussed, shat upon and idealized as non sexual in their own moral obligation until a man needed an orifice in which to find his own masculinity, fearing her femininity. You captured this perfectly all of it in your very last stanza which is surface language designed to be light and humorous, but which is in fact the crux of human dignity. This is how brautigan wrote. It is a priviledge to read this beautiful thing. Thank you. ,,,Danni
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Thank you, Danni...you always write the most amazing comments and you have such a fine poetic eye to see beyond the boundaries of words. Much appreciated, my friend ~
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I loved this, others said that they sensed rage in this, but I didn't. Resentment, yes, but not rage. This is amazing though; you've mastered the art of being able to express such a profound idea in such a limited amount of space. I have to admit, I'm truly jealous because I've never been able to do that. I love this poem though, really.
sweethart xoxo
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Thank you, sweethart for the lovely comment - you are right, this poem is not about rage. Take care ~
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Excellent, excellent, excellent. Yes. don't make of me a statue with no life - you are such an artist. These words are just flung into the sky and has hit me in the face. The anger and resentment I sense in these words are what makes this piece even more effective. Well done.
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Unique
This is really different from what I'm used to reading, but this is just really good. I loved the line:
with a body that allowed no access to its interior.
That really painted a vivid picture...keep it up!
~Silent Moon
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I just came back to read it again Miss Nicolette. You are the queen of amazing poetry.
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Thank you, Zayra...
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pedestals... bloody pedestals and men! eh' .... yepp..
you are so far away from being roughhewn stone or marble and the bird shit in your hair.. brilliant line.. so damned clever!!!
this must be a winner..
well done Nic
Gill x
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Yes, pedestals...that is a no-no!! Thank you, Gill for the kind words - and the smiles x
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you're welcome hun
great piece of writing..
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Great Poem
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oh, we do have a way of immortalizing people in time....up on the pedastal they go..like delicate glass figures..untouchable..providing us safety, i suppose..where no one can ever disturb our memory..very different from your usual style..pleasantly surprising! a testimony to your creative and diverse abilities ~
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sorry, forgot to applaud
Jay
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Surprise, Surprise
Wow, I'm definitely not used to you using the word "shit".
This was very jolting, and great!
Good luck in the contest! -
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...thanks Jay - you made me smile!
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I do promise ...I do...
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Ooo..ouch. I'm so not used you saying shit..lol..but edgy is good, and this piece still holds an etheral quality to it; maybe it's the white visual of a statue in my mind. Well done, Nic!
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LOL - that's quite a combination..ethereal and shitty!! Thanks, my friend
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I promise .. and besides, sculpture would never do. I'd rather paint you in shades of Lillac (dipped in blue).
Very powerful words above. I enjoyed this very much
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Thank you, bb...for the promise and the "dipped in blue" (I remember a blue duvet too) - glad you enjoyed this one
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This is very powerful and painful at the same time
memories... most of them - if not all - are in fact sculptures, remains of a beautiful past... but as you described here, sculpture may decade too if you don't keep them alive...
Wonderful write!
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Oh my, Nicolette, I am out of breath...I realy wouldn't like to write something like this poem by myself. It hurts...This is realy great poem and strong, strong from the heavens to hell. Sculptures are just for memories, your heart like your poetry worth to live - now and forever.
~Sonja~
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edgy indeed
and powerful imagery
statuesque writing of monumental proportions
and i could never see you as inanimate - rather as a wonderfully warm and giving person
elaine
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yay! this was wonderful to read tonight, well done Nicolette
al
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Wow. This short poem conveys more than a thousand words normally could. I must say that, seeing the title, I thought this would be something different... It felt like you wanted to move on and have certain people not even have you in their thoughts, but that was misleading. It seems that, on the contrary, you want to be remembered for your warmth and love. And while the whole poem is a wonderful metaphor, these lines:
"sculpted in your thoughts,
hair marbled with bird shit"
make me wonder if I also remember special people in my life that way.
Anyway, I can't tell you how much I like this. As it often happens, I think three applauses are an understatement.
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As always you read right into the essence of what I wanted to show in this poem, Diana. Thank you very much - you have wisdom far beyond your years - and such a great poetic eye. ~
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You are far too vibrant, far too lovely, to ever be considered a statue by anyone...unless THEY'RE the ones with a heart of stone...Brilliant, my Sister...Brautigan himself would toss posies atcha in complete & devout respect...You so rock...
Good luck in the contest...Love you, Woman... Vlindertjie
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My hat's off to you on this one!!!
you have just made my day and closed my week with so much wisdom in your thoughts. It's always going to be the simplicities of one's thoughts that I will most cherish where so much more meaning can be found in so few amzing words of emotions and expressions.
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i have to say i was tricked by the first line... had to smile when i got to the second line ...and continued reading just got better with a wrap up that left me looking at the poem thinking .... great poem ! short with the oomph of that edge - luverly
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oh yes ... excellently conceived and realised ! ... soooo nicely done ... i love the marbling ... and that line about the interior ... yum ... >>> Gina
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This is terrifically sad and brilliantly angry...dynamically well written. Just perfect.
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Edgy indeed, and so powerfully said! Mind you, I did get a little chuckle out of hair being 'marbled with bird shit'...birds do have a knack at using statues and freshly washed cars for target practise! Enjoyed!
~ Jersene
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Well I am amzed by the thoughts you set in this with such a short write, it is powerful, vitriolic and definitely edgy. I enjoyed this different side to you.
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Nicolette . . . this is so stunning and beautiful that when I finished reading it I said a quiet oh out of respect. So much said in so few words!!!
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Ouch! Yikes girl. What can I say. Brilliant, deep, soul-rendering poetry. Love it!
~Lyrical
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this one flew over my head dear, I just can not grasp it
sorry...
I'll have to have some coffee and return.
Tamara
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LOl, Tamara...it is just about not thinking about me as someone with a heart of stone...like a statue
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