~
I'm glad
I can't see anymore.
This mess would make me sick.
That's why
I gouged out my eyes.
..I don't like to look at me..
~
Mommy said
her baby wasn't crazy..
..her baby wasn't crazy..
..her baby wasn't crazy..
I wish I could say
"I love you"
before I go..
Did I tell you?
I'm leaving.
I don't like it here.
Tonight I get to die.
~
I'm glad
I can't hear anymore.
This sound would make me sick.
That's why
I cut off my ears.
..I don't like to hear my thoughts..
~
Daddy said
he didn't love his child..
..he didn't love his child..
..he didn't love his child..
I wish I could say
"I'm sorry"
before I go..
Did I tell you?
I'm leaving.
I don't like it here.
Tonight I get to die.
~
I'm glad
I can't feel anymore.
This pain would make me sick.
That's why
I must take my life.
..I don't like to live with me..
A contest entry
- Darkness Does Fall... by Broken Machine.
600 points, ended January 29, 2007, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Oh wow. Yeah, this definitely deserved a gold trophy. For sure. I don't like the fact that I can relate to this, but I can. I don't want to quote you to yourself, but a few lines definitely did stick out. The repetition in this poem worked soo darn well. And when I was reading it, I kind of thought it would make a good song or something. I hate to think that someone as awesome as you could write something as sad as this. *sigh* This is a fantastic write, though. I can't wait to read more. hehehe.
-
I loved this poem. I can actually relate in a strange way! But I still have my ears and all of my body parts! And I'm not going to kill myself. But I loved it, Excellent job! Be Proud!!!!!
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This poem was really sad. I get those feelings but try to dwell on good. Suicide won't solve anything. I learned that the hard way when my brother committed suicide. Take each day as if it were your last and smile knowing someone cares for you.
~Mandi -
So very heartwrenching and dark. I hope you do not feel like this. The poem itself is well written. Excellent flow. Almost seems like a song. Going from "I'm glad
I can't see anymore.
This mess would make me sick." to "I'm glad
I can't hear anymore.
This sound would make me sick" and ending with "I'm glad
I can't feel anymore.
This pain would make me sick." was very excellent use of repititon and made the poem all the more powerful. As usual a brilliant write.
-
O my o my...this is whoa....really quite dark for you. it almost scares me chaos. its quite wonderful though...my eyes widened as i read and a blanket of worry covered me. this is just amazing as usual. I love your usage of the senses. wonderfully executed!
~Sorrow~
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This is a good poem, thank you for sharing it with us! Good luck!
-
Adam
You scare me with this.
I' am crying now and I dred to think what caused this. It is very deep and it fills my mind with dark thoughts. I know what this is like and I wish I could help you with this.
~~~~~
If I were sitting there besdie you,
I would take you in my arms and hold you.
Try with every ounce of my strength
to make all this pain go away and your mind can be at peace.
I need your smile to dance in my head,
and your laughter in my heart.
Tears will be unneeded,
and no longer shed.
If only I could help.
~~~~~
I care about you far too much to see this much agony, within your heart.
Your Dearest Angel,
~Dea
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