For a lifetime I carried this pain with me...
It seemed to grow rather than subside...and it got so heavy...
closed eyes bringing haunting visions of your face...
Go away...
disappear...
leave my life without a trace...
But the scars you left loomed over me like a storm that just wouldn't pass...
And your poisonoous evil spread through me... misery that lasts and lasts...
Poison reaching the root of my happiness and joy...bringing the odor of rotting death...
Blowing through the branches of my tree of life...I felt your sulfurous breath...
Get thee behind me...I rebuke you Demon spawn...
I refuse to sit and lament the life you stole from me all day long...
I'm done feeling sorry for the little girl you violated and defiled...
This grown woman will not let you wreak havoc in her life... no more torment running wild...
Your hands no longer touch me when I close my eyes at night...
I decided to forgive you for all you did...even though you refused to make it right...
You no longer hold the child within me in your clenched fist...
I'm free from the torturous memories...now isn't that a twist?
Now you are the one with dead branches breaking off...
but I do not look at you with hatred...nor do I scoff...
I think of you... you continuously cross my mind...
and no longer do I feel so enraged and so unkind...
I feel sad for you...and I constantly pray...
I really do want you to one day be okay...
You were supposed to be my Daddy and protect me from the world...
I was supposed to be your precious little baby girl...
But spirits stepped in that twisted your soul...
and you became a monster...unfeeling and so cold.
But I know that my Daddy is still in there some where...
that's why when I'm in your physical presence I just look at you and stare...
I'm trying to stay in contact with that man I used to see...
I'm trying to remember the good times when you were good to me.
I pray that your load become lighter one day...
I pray that the death be gone from your tree of life in some way...
I pray that God will send angels of peace and protection to cover your daily walk...
and I pray that when you listen...it's God you're hearing talk...
I love you and forgive you...even though you don't believe...
but my spirit wants to embrace you...all you must do is receive.
In a list
- abuse victims and survivors and all ag group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Random Options (please enter! it's my first contest!) by ashira ladonai.
425 points, ended February 5, 2007, 34 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Broken R! by Ms Raneika.
600 points, ended March 9, 2007, 88 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Amazing. I wish I had the courage to forgive like you do, you have an amazing strength in you
Stay safe
~Amanda
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w0w
!m s0rry !f th!s !s tru3 n0b0dy sh0uld h@v3 t0 g0 thr0ugh n3 th!ng l!k3 th@t but th!s !s r3@lly b3@ut!full @nd r3@lly full 0f 3m0t!0n......! th!nk......y0u g0t s0m3 w3ll @l0t 0f t@lent @nd ! g0t t0 s@y th@t 3v3n th0ugh ! d0nt kn0 y0u @ @ll ! c@n t3ll th@t y0u @r3 str0ng....b3cuz f0rg!v!ng s0m30ne th@t d!d wh@t 3v3r h3 d!d t0 y0u !s r3@lly h@rd t0 d0....
Y0u @r3 @ str0ng @nd v3ry t@lent3d n3v3r l3t n3 0n3 s3c0nd gu3ss y0u......
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OORAH! Yes, dear daughter, way to take something horrible and create something hopeful and forgiving, not letting it run your life, for only you can give it that power and you refused, a brave and beautiful step!!!!! Mad love and missin ya! Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e *
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WOW I like the picture a lot I love art..it really potray a deep meaning to your poem your heartfelt, great piece...thanks you for entering my contest much love, Raneika
http://www.myspace.com/brhspower
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Wow, I adored this poem very much due to your such pretty words, and the fact that you forgave. It's hard to bring yourself to forgive someone who has caused some sort of pain or abuse, but you did, so that amazing. Great job!
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that's*
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well this is sad and to forgive is a good thing unconditional love is neutral in nature for deeds actions ect plays no part in it or shouldnt and though when we are tresspassed upon we should forgive andlove BUT that doesn't mean we must assosicate with said tresspassers I believe these siuations are lessons to learn the lesson of unconditional love and mostly for ourselves for if you dont unconditional love self how is it possible to Un.. love another?
love and lighht,
Blaze
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this is a great poem. It is a sign of inner strength to not hold the past as a reason to hate someone, but instead feel pity for them. It is also a sign of maturity that most people never reach.
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this s so beautiiful, terribly sad, and you are so strong for forgiving
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I forgave mines too...
Darling auntie
It wasn't for him
or me being noble
It wasn't a whim
or me going global.
I needed freedom see
so I could love
my adopted daddy he
needed his baby's hug.
He couldn't get close
nor touch my hand
until I finally chose
real forgivness you understand.
Smooshies
Janet
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Janet, to be able to truly love you as a daughter, added an entire new aspect to my soul and doubled the size of my heart.
Dad -
Hugs to You Niecey...
Forgiveness can be so liberating...as I pointed out to someone this morning...forgiveness is not an obligation... it a choice... once we make the choice to give OURSELVES the gift ... we flourish... for restraints on our possibilities...our happiness..and our freedom have been broken.
xoxo to you beautiful soul...
Sahabah
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It takes a very open, forgiving, and special heart to rise above all pain and reach out in forgiveness
You are a very special and sweet soul, my friend!
Wishing you all the best -
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Sweet Heavenly....
It's not me that the forgiveness came from... God put it in my heart. He is the One who guided me to the realization that it's what I needed to do...and I'm so thankful for it...because before I forgave my father...I was a very mean person...very bitter...and very foul spirited. I have to give all the credit to God...I can't take any.
You too are so very special and so sweet...
and I'm honored for you to call me friend
xo
Heidi
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I know how it feels
Wow! You've honestly out done yourself this time! My sitch is similar to that. My dad left when i was 2 months old(out of immaturaty I guess) he's married now with 3 other kids. I wrote a poem this last summer 'cause I just had to relieve myself of the pain... check it out. It's titled" A Father's Betryal. It's quite sad. I forgive him though, don't worry.
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Smooches...
Thank you lil angel...
My heart bleeds for you...no wonder why you are so very devoted to the Father...
You are like me...
He is the only Father you really have...
He is a faithful and true Daddy is He not?
Love and smooches to you sugar...
xoxo
Mama Heidi
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Good
I am amazed by you forgiveness
Yet this is what should be done
I never read these, because I weep
I read this just to know your trama
I am proud of you for making these words
Rick
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@ Rick...
Thank you so much for caring enough about me to read this.
This was a very difficult time in my life...
I went through 20 years of feeling sorry for myself...harboring bitterness...pain...and anger. Not allowing myself to forgive my father...because he never said the words "I'm sorry".
But then...
God spoke to me one day...and let me know I didn't have to hear him say I'm sorry in order for me to forgive. He guided my heart to realize that my Daddy probably would never say I'm sorry...nor would he be likely to ever say I love you to me...because he was never taught to forgive... nor was he taught to have a remorseful spirit.
Once I allowed myself to look at things from the perspective that the Holy Spirit gave to me...it was much better.
Thank you again for caring enough to want to know what I've experienced in my life.
You are so very special to me dear brother.
xo
Heidi
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With tears in my eyes with just the title. This poem hits me to the bone deep inside. It tears me apart knowing another special person has gone through a simular experience as I did. It hurts deeply much more than words can say. Well expressed and well writen. Hugs too you my friend. hugs to you
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((((((hugs))))))))
Thank you for sharing yourself with me sweet ladybug.
There are so many of us out there....
allowing our past to predict our future....
and not realizing that all we have to do is forgive...and our future will be set free...rather than allowing the one who violated us to hold us prison to their sick minds and twisted actions.
We need not be paralyzed by our past.
You are loved sweet girl.
xo
Heidi
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amazing
Thank you so much for sharing,this poem is so heartfelt and well written its breath taking. I know some of this, its familiar, i've been hurt before by my dad, but he never laid a hand on me, it was all verbal. Yet i still have a hard time forgiving cuz it reall hurts, but the forgiveness in this poem, after all that which is so much worse than anything i went thru, is mind boggling really...the faith and prayer is amazing...I really connect with this one. Thank you sooo much for entering! Good luck!
Keep writing,
~ashira ladonai~
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Hugs for you...
Thank you Ashira...thank you for giving me the opportunity to be inspired. I have said it before...and will say it again...the forgiveness will liberate YOU and set YOU free. Bitterness is like a poison that eats at the roots of your livelihood and your spirit. Once you rid yourself of it...you will flourish even more than you possibly thought you could xo to you sweetness.
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Amazingly Breathtaking
I absolutely love this. This is way better than my selffish rant that you read lol. The imagery is absolutely wonderful. I will definately look into more of your work. I could never write anything this great. Wow. And no I'm not exaggerating, I'm truely serious. You can feel your pain and yet you can feel your love and forgiveness. Really great job with this.
<3 Cat -
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Peachy....
Thank you so much...I thought maybe you might benefit from reading this. It took me 25 years to get to that point though sugar...
And thank you so much for blowing all the sunshine my way as far as my writing skills go You make me feel real good... **licks for your forehead** 
xoxo Heidi -
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You are ever so welcome. Thanks for the licks. *licks for your foreheads as well*
<3 Cat
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Forgiveness...
Is sometimes so hard to achieve...it took me a looong time in this case...but I finally realized...I didn't have to hear him say I'm sorry in order for me to forgive...and it was such a liberation once I let go of the hurt and the anger...and I simply chose to forgive...thank you for reading sweet sister poetry...
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Emotions seep through your words. I do like the fact of displaying strength and a heart able to forgive. Amazed even more that the heart destroyed still stands by his side despite it all...I am not sure that most in that situation could be so bold. Great write
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