Where the sun is harmless
A glow ball sitting
Upon the green grass
The green grass of the fields
Long and soft like cotton
Playground for laughing children
Laughing children picking up pebbles
Shiny and smooth like pearls
Waiting for their heroes
Their heroes, their fathers
Every man, a hero to trust
A tower, safe and peaceful
Safe and peaceful is my world
A place of escape, of calm
Where I am nothing, everything and something
Author notes
This form of poetry is a variation of circular forms of poetry. in this case there should always be five stanzas of three lines each. each stanza should begin with the trail of the last line of the previous stanza without sounding repetitive.
Think William Carlos William's "The Dance"
A contest entry
- I just want your personal best. by disparate.
900 points, ended February 20, 2007, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - INVENT A FORM ~~~ An amusing contest for inventing poetry forms ~~~ by Melodies.
600 points, ended December 10, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Take me to a beautiful place by Yellow-Rose.
600 points, ended May 15, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I really liked this poem. I especially liked the last stanza
Safe and peaceful is my world
A place of escape, of calm
Where I am nothing, everything and something
Thank you very much for your entry
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Oh, I love it, I love it, I DO!
YAY!! I love the repetition and the poem is beautiful and I am admiring with my heart so full of gladness that you shared this with us.
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I was just curious if the line, "A glow ball sitting" should be, "A glowing ball sitting" as I'm not sure what a glow ball is and it doesn't read quite right to me.
Otherwise I enjoyed this poem very much, the imagery was well done and I loved the circular effect. Parallelism can be tricky sometimes, but I think you did it well, each sentence blended into the next without feeling repetitive and created a nice flow.
Thanks for taking the time to enter, best of luck in the contest! I'm sorry about the delay in judging and commenting.
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