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Time Passed - (Rondeau)

 

Time long since passed, of beauty rare

And life unending they did share,

Most beautiful water maid

And golden unicorn betrayed,

     Their love, their world, just could not bear.

 

Together they lived in despair

Love forbidden for them, unfair,

Their peaceful world they did invade

     Time long since passed…

 

Time passed and at his feet she laid

Lifeless, the ultimate price paid,

Her soul now gone, he knew not where

Her death, his heart, out it did tear.

Death for him soon he often prayed.

     Time long since passed…

 

 

Author notes

Rondeau form, My first attempt.

A Rondeau is a French form, 15 lines long, consisting of three stanzas: a quintet, a quatrain, and a
sestet with a rhyme scheme as follows: aabba aabR aabbaR. Lines 9 and 15 are short - a
refrain (R) consisting of a phrase taken from line one. The other lines are longer (but all of the
same metrical length).

Option #2 Unicorns

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Passionate Phoenix
    November 4, 2007

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    very nicely done, great picture too. lovely wording and good flow. well done and many thanks for entering xx


    • freespirit51
      November 4, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      PassoinatePhoenix

      Thanks so much for your fantastic comment. I am truly glad you enjoyed it.


  • jcat gold member
    October 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    a very beautiful poem. I really enjoyed this and learned a bit of poetry as well!! Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest!!

  • PoetryPuppy
    October 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your lovely poem, Kiarna

  • Bob Fox
    March 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Nicely done

    So this is form poetry. Thanks for the lesson I can always use some knowledge. I did enjoy so


  • lucy sky-diamond
    February 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    a very beautiful poem, good use of the for you decided to use. alot of nice imagery, thank you very much for the entry, and good luck


  • panegyric ink
    January 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    simply awsomed.

    for a first attempt, this seems very magical for me. Beautiful and so much in many wonderful ways!!! You have a real talent to convey your thoughts well to the reader and especially with this one!!!!


  • Kari gold member
    January 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love unicorns so much and you did a great job here. The very best of luck to you in the contest.
    Kari


  • sunny day
    January 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    WOW

    spirit, Very nice piece you have penned here and I can see how you would get such inspiration from the picture. I like this form, it's very interesting. It flowed softly and your rhythm and rhyme were superb. Thank you for sharing and best wishes for you in the contest. Love and God bless, Joyce


  • DarkRedSky
    January 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Great!

    This was great read, the poem was well-written, nice flow. I loved the topic, and the way you portrayed their love for one another. The last stanza was my favorite. I have one suggestion, it would flow better if you changed 'lifeless, the ultimate price paid' to 'lifeless, the ultimate price was paid'. That is only my opinion, and the poem is great nonetheless.


  • Whispering Wind Moderators member
    January 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    WOW

    Oh! my sister this is so wonderful words leave me.My heart just takes over it is so over whelming.That picture is just beautiful and says a thousands words all its on.Could I borry It sometimes it reminds me of a poem...You are the master and I the student...


  • Spiritual Nature
    January 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Great piece. It is a very complicated form. I struggled with haiku and I can not image writing a rondeau. But you did it gracefully and with a sad tale of lovers doomed. One dies and leaves the other with his broken heart, still longing for her. Good job.


  • JeannieD Hunter gold member
    January 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh how sad but beautiful!! I haven't tried form poetry, I have enough trouble with rhyme!! You have done a wonderful job, and the picture just adds even more beauty to your words. Best of luck in the contest.

    Jeannie

1 - 15 of 15