It's always the peanut butter that gets me.
I wake up, every day, to the possibility
of a fantastic rye-and-jelly dreamscape,
saving my stomach from
the throes of dining hall mediocrity.
Yet I rarely make it, that sandwich.
I reminisce on the nutty cream, taking
all the care to remember the last success...
yet my day wanes. Evening closes in
and I find myself starving to feel, to sleep.
Why deny myself something so simple?
I can't seem to do it, to take the knife
and make a simple delicatessen dish
in the comforts of home. I lack the
drive to feed myself.
I have no cause.
I am hunger.
Author notes
Original License:
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/47387196/
In a list
A contest entry
- Anything. Just Impress Me. by I-Am-Custard.
900 points, ended April 13, 2007, 58 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I encourage critique. Thanks.
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
-
Wow.I really loved this piece. Hunger is a very strong feeling isn't it? I am often controlled by it. I love the title. It totally pulled me in. You did a great job!!
Guin
-
Sometimes it's just what's easiest to make - it's handy and simple, so therefore we make it again and again. Then, somejust love peanut better and will eat it by the spoonful - you aren't one of those are you? LOL Liked the flow and the title as well. Applicable to other things in life too.
-
This is really quite elaborate, in its subtle ,deeper meaning..congrats! on the bronze..~Pastel
-
This is really nice, well written and executed and that it's come from such a mundane subject as making a sandwich is a really pleasure to read. Thank you for entering.
-
Good
Personifaction,humor equals a great write. You've done a fantastic job on this poem. I really find that sometimes we can't start the simplist of task due to laziness but this is great. Thanks for entering the contest and the best of luck to you. Kassie -
Interesting
This is a compelling write. Sometimes we cannot get ourselves to do the most simple and necessary of task. It's then we have to dig deep into our well and seek for our inner helper to show up. Excellent write.
- joanne
-
This is brilliant, you have some superb words in here, I love especially, the first stanza, these words, are like a work of art. A write which is imbued with the tenderness of your nature. This a very important message and you delivered it with great style and grace. With faith as small as the size of a mustard seed, one can move mountains. This is such a beautiful piece of writing.....the words and lines flow perfectly...I must say I really enjoyed this! thank you for sharing this with us and keep up the good work.
-
I love peanut butter and I love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. That's what called me in this poem. It's wonderful how you could write about something so simple and make it so great. I saw the starvation as being the fact that the persona does not ever make the sandwich. Save yourself--- make the sandwich! Lol.
-
Great thought here. well written, too. The bible fortells that there will be people so lazy that they will reach into the food bowl, but starve because they're just too lazy to bring the food back to their mouth. I think its in Proverbs..anyway, this poem reminds me of that.
-
Okay.
I just had to click on this one because of the fact that they had to recall Peter Pan peanut butter. Believe me the peanut butter got to me good. So I found this poem very interesting.
-
Funny how the humble sandwich can mean so much. I had to red this as I was reminded of friend who had much pleasure in his watermelon sandwich and how he ever ate them has always been beyond me. As I ponder on the words they flow well have an interesting viewpoint but I am drawn to the ending....and as this is thelingering thought on my mind I think what the world could be like without hunger. You have done well with this post nd I thank you for the read.
-
Something so simple, yet lacking the drive to complete even when faced with the pangs of hunger. Depression does that, takes away our will and deprives us from even the simplest of functions. Eating, sleeping...the basics to survive.
Your second stanza says it all in a most interesting way. Very nicely done
Let the ink flow! blessings 
Sandi
-
WOW
you know i lost my love for pband j in prison thats all we ate off commissary and im so happy to be out to be home that i want anything but the "sandwich" lol -
Funny
Really enjoyable to read!, well done. every sentence and word was carefully thought out. i probablly laughed at every paragraph. there are not many funny poems on this web ( mostly emotional ) i dont mind them but youre poem has definatley set the standard. very well done i hope to read youre next poem and keep writing! -
HIlarious!
-
Not Bad
Very interesting poem, it has some peotic techniques that I alway appreciate but I must say there are some things that I don't like. Such as starting a line with a lowercase letter, now I don't care for it but sometimes some people may find it appropriate to do. Also the stopping a sentence mid line. Not one of my favouite things but still it is effective in some ways. It's your poem and I am sure you have your reasons for what you do and I respect that, anways the ttle realy got me, I was curious as to what your poem might be about, and well I found out. Good job, interesting read.
-
Knowing that someone else has written about a sandwich makes me feel less crazy, so thanks for this. A few years ago, I wrote something about an incredible sandwich and was going to somehow work it into a song that had nothing to do with the sandwich.
-
forgot to clap
-
I think the greatest poetry is born by taking something completely common and entirely mundane, and then shape it layer after layer, adding gradually more meaning to the poem and the object, until the perspective of the same has almost completely change...or at least stands there bare and shivering. I think that this is exactly what you achieved in this poem.
There are so many metaphors that are so overused, so using peanut butter kept this poem interesting and added this personal, unique touch. I loved the colloquial tone of the poem that was simple, without ever being mundane (in lack of a better term). I also enjoyed the way the poem built up, and adore the last two lines -- hunger is one of my themes too, so this rings quite familiar in my ears.
Anyway, before I start repeating myself, this is honestly a great and very interesting poem. I really enjoyed the read a lot!
Best wishes,
Anna -
gr8 job of expressing such vital points. I was able 2 view this from several different visual points. Hope 2 read more from u. -theQueen"
-
wow...i kinda understand that feeling. but maybe in a different way that what you mean i guess. hunger..hunger is real. its craving thats not. anyways im jus ramblin good poem~
-
This is the sort of poem that every poet meant to write but never got around to it for some reason or another. It's excellent. I love the metaphor, yet I love that it can be taken literally. That sort of layering takes such skill. Great, great work.
-
It's a dreary existence really. And one that I muse about often. To wake up to such possibilities...and it could be doing anything really...but as soon as you act apon it you eliminate some of the days' potential. SO really, if you just don't do anything at all, you are free, without limitations and always awake to face a day of such potentialities...but as soon as you attempt action, you begin to eliminate them. I think this Poem is so very baeutiful, meaningful and inspired, and to have a simple thing as a peanut butter sandwich as your icon is wonderful. You have me here!. greatness.
-
i loved the idea and the way you ran wild with it!
though it seems kinda childish it has a bit of humour in it!well done!
-
hm... I'm fairly certain your testing your power of metaphor in order to get the reader to think more of what the "sandwich" really is. Lost choices? A Love not enjoyed? Or something more? a very funny and somehow depressing poem that really makes me think. Thank you for the entry.
-
Wow
At first i thought this was a lighthearted poem about a sandwich, but as i got reading I got the real meaning. I can completely get what you're talking about. Good poem, keep writin -
Just so you know, this is a complete work of genius. It speaks out on many different levels. It speaks to me in a lot of ways. I like it on all of them. Today, I like it best on a very deep level and it makes my heart cry out in sympathy and pain. I love the way you wrote this. It is straight-forward and almost reads like prose, but it's so poetic at the same time. I positively adore this poem, and I will be reading more of your poetry. Thanks for sharing.
-
I feel this work speaks to an extremely meaningful, and almost exclusively American phenomenon. As the years have gone by our society has been marked, not quite by laziness, but more of a general rundown, beat up nature.
You are not the only person I know who has felt this way... my fiancee frequently goes days without eating because she is too tired to even sit down to a meal.
It's so hard just to live and make ends meet. This is the feeling your work inspired in me.
On the merits:
Image: 8/10
Emotion: 8.5/10
Rhyme and flow: 7.6/10
Cohesion: 9.2/10
Message: 9.4/10
Teen angst coefficent: N/A
Overall: 8.5/10 - well done.
-
Different
This poem makes me wonder about a lot of things: Is the poem really just about not making a sandwich, or about hunger in general? Does it have a deeper meaning than itself? I think the first stanza is the best stanza, and I like the way the speaker lacks motivation to make a sandwich. I find the poem humorous, but I think it's supposed to be more than that. (If only a little more). -
-
You have good insight.
I write my work to be as deep - or superficial - as you prefer. If you want depth, you can dig, but I definitely do not intend to force the level of interpretation upon you. Does this make sense?
Thanks again for your comment. It got me thinking, too.
-
-
wow. this poem is just...wow. i love how you portray huger, a really great poem. keep up the great work
-
peanut butter sarnies, they are good, nice with a little bit of dust added. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
Adding your comment:
1 - 32 of 32
