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Succubus

Missing image

Succubus

Changing into the catacombs of your desire
          I have sequestered my prodigal heart in an unholy way


To have your seed at my will
Placing my immortal soul in escrow


As the stifling pressure of my archangel's breasts
Impale your side

                                           you to succumb to me


like the myriad of men have before you

You will choke pitch black air

     at the jasmine scent of my breath as it fills your being

.

I will cackle at the hilarity of your pitiful maleness
Until your vulcanized flesh is torn asunder by the

.
                  reprisals of the dawn of your new hell

 

 

 

Author notes

In Western medieval legend, a succubus (plural succubi) is a demon who takes the form of a female to seduce men (especially monks) in dreams to have sexual intercourse. They draw energy from the men to sustain themselves, often until the point of exhaustion or death of the victim.

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1 - 58 of 58

  • Running Poet
    October 11

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    breath taking

    "You will choke pitch black air

    at the jasmine scent of my breath as it fills your being"

    I loved the powerful images brought by these lines and feeling somewhat as if my chest was caving in with emotion,quite odd but interesting. but i liked it alot


  • Tirrell
    December 28, 2008

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    This is woven in the fabric folklore and mythological purpose of the dark genre,
    A wonderful poem, of moving delight that the reader can apreaciate, and savour.


  • Gothik Prynce
    June 22, 2008
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    Great job, You know exactly what a Succubus is, and the effects of its powers. I thought onlypagans and priests knew what they were. You are very intellagent. Please excuse the spelling, I can't spell to save my life.


  • Volfeng
    June 5, 2008
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    love the turn of phrase...


  • creationsfromheart
    May 15, 2008

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    Oh wonderfully dark write, and imagery is just fantastic, Wonderful! What more can I say ... Superb, great fantastic and so on hehe...


  • stylization
    May 1, 2008
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    wow. very demonic and very well written. great poem.


  • Dark Otter
    February 22, 2008

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    Poetic

    It's dark, demonic and despotic. What more could you ask of a poem about a succubus. Good word choice


  • tombruize
    January 13, 2008

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    nice...

    Succubi don't take the form of women. They are women!!!! Wicked, evil beings that drain your life essence and then, when you least expect it... well, then again, maybe thats just the women I know.


  • Ithica silver member
    November 7, 2007

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    What a way to die! One must never confuse lust with love or do so at their own peril! I am tempted to sell my own soul for an eternity of this madness. I mean true love has begun to pale next to this dark eroticism...


  • LadyDementia gold member
    October 19, 2007

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    Amazing!

    This is an awesome read, Made perfect sense once I read the AN. Fantastic, best of luck in the contest!


  • Shikamaru-Nara
    October 18, 2007
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    "Amazing imagery Mi'lady." Indeed, as my friend said before me.

    Wonderful entry.

  • Bob Fox
    August 9, 2007
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    so powerful

    I must say you write with a special talent. I am just a lttle jealous. lol


  • Master Draconis
    July 27, 2007

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    Amazing imagery Mi'lady. In my opinion, you captured the mindset of what a succubi must think as she drains her victim; laughing eternal at the pitiful male who succumbs to her beauty and power. Kudos mi'lady Kudos


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    July 11, 2007

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    True temptation at the hands of a brutal sex-crazed creature, the Succubi and Incubi (the male equivalant) are quite a frightful concept. This write was very accurate and interested me and inticed me, with metaphors and great imagery. I could feel your [her/its] bitter lust towards male kind (as if I don't anyway ).


  • theredcatjazzoflove gold member
    June 19, 2007

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    To me...

    it was okay I didnt start yawning so its a passible piece then please for give me cause I am just starting to get in to dark pieces I'll read more


  • RedAquarius
    June 14, 2007

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    I almost wish I hadn't read this immediately after the Rusulka (sp?) poem, since both share imagery about impaling breasts. I prob'ly wouldn't have noticed had I read them a bit apart. I do like the second line, you use uncommon words, which I find refreshing and shows a great vocabulary!


  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    May 22, 2007

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    I shouldn't laugh but there's no such thing as coincidence, right?


  • Swan song gold member
    May 12, 2007

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    OKEY I DONT WANT TO MAKE YOU MAD DO I?
    tHE POEM LIKE THE OTHERS IS WELL PUT TOGETHER.
    AND BOY THATS A TUFF ONE I LIKE IT BUT IM A GUY SO I HATE IT TO REALLY WELL DONE.


  • CarCrashHumor
    March 16, 2007

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    I love the control this woman has over her lovers, it's brilliant. It's like saying "you're nothing special. there've been others before you."

    "like the myriad of men have before you

    You will choke pitch black air

    at the jasmine scent of my breath as it fills your being

    ."


  • sweetpearl
    March 3, 2007

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    This is a very unique write, love the note ... I never knew that, very interesting, thanks. This is a dark write ... damn I love every line. You have a wonderful vocabulary and introduced me to a few new words. Thanks again.


  • Shiro Okami
    February 24, 2007

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    This poem needs to be labeled 'Adult' content. I will have to DQ you if it isn't by tomorrow. SOrry.


  • Shiro Okami
    February 24, 2007
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    Very good. Again, I like the history/folklaw touch.


  • Alleksa Jan
    February 23, 2007

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    Very graphic it is, especially given the context that you have provided in your author notes. You vocabulary seems quite sophisticated - and I must confess I quite like it.
    The imagery that you paint is very vivid and sets the right atmosphere. The picture I had in front of my eyes is of a vicious woman crawling onto a man, her body resembling a snake hunting. Folklore based poems isn't something I particularly enjoy reading - I find the topic quite abused and overused. Yet I derived some pleasure from reading your work - there is a healthy amount of taste and concept in it.
    I would be glad if you entered the second part - but you have to hurry up. I will be doing my judging until Tuesday - probably will spend the whole day on the computer writing my comments - so you have 3 days to fulfill the task set - then im me and I will reopen the contest for you to enter.
    There is one thing I will warn you about - please avoid topics about vampires and such, as I'm quite selfish when it comes to judging - I have to like the poem.
    Regards,
    Jan


  • richiesnana
    February 23, 2007

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    Simply Marvelous

    I wanted to read more as I read the words on your page, I did not want for it to end this is truly an awesome poem, I could feel every word and feel so many different emotions that I was in anticipation for the next word.

    Marvelous poem


  • Myth Of Twilight
    February 23, 2007

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    dam andyou sed im a good poet i say not your work on this was amasing at least great job i cudint stop reading


  • seasonsoflove
    February 22, 2007

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    great job with this one, amera!
    "You will choke pitch black air
    at the jasmine scent of my breath as it fills your being"
    love that part... its truely life!
    jenn


  • mylilpunchki
    February 20, 2007

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    Good job with this one i really liked it. You are a very talented writer and i hope that you will just keep getting better. Good job and keep up the good work.
    Lindsay


  • Dark Soul Reaper
    February 16, 2007

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    Haha... one of my favorite demons. The one demon that actually preys on the most basic of human emotions... SEX! Very well written. Keep this up. It's a great write. You truely capture the spirit of this demon in the poem.


  • Aeonna
    February 11, 2007

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    Beautiful & Dark

    In one word "awesome", dark and beautiful.. sigh, whoa i love dark poetry.. keep it flowing..

    fleur de Rosa


  • Xgeekdreamgonewrong
    February 10, 2007
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    Well, it is good.


  • Lotusmygga
    February 5, 2007
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    Magnificent dark imagery. Superb piece
    of poetry!


  • PerVirtuous
    February 3, 2007

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    I didn't comment on this before for reasons I won't go into, but find it wonderful and educational. I can feel the searing pain and smell the rotting flesh under her nails. Three very scart bunnies!


  • Trixie08
    January 28, 2007

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    Brillant Masterpiece!

    You were not kidding me when you said this was the best. I love how you brought the legend into the poem and that was quite masterful. You have just this amazing talent for writing and their the best poems I've ever read off this site. Great Write!!!


  • Exodus gold member
    January 27, 2007

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    Normally I am not one for vampire (of any kind) poems, most of them are completely distasteful and poorly written. This however, is anything but that. Your use of language is sublime. And I am glad to see you have thought about all aspects of presentation as well. Right down to your selection of font. Thankyou for taking the time to do so.
    Much luck.


  • DK akaLunaticSerene gold member
    January 27, 2007

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    I thought this was quite good, I would encourage you to write more in the dark arena, as you go along you will become more comfortable and allow it to be a delicious outlet for our more base aspects which we each have! I was a little confused by this part:
    Impale you’re side

    you to succumb to me


    otherwise it was a delightful read! well done!
    xxoo
    dk

    • Amera gold member
      January 27, 2007
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      First off, you don’t know how much it means to me that you looked at my work. I think I’ve read everything you have posted; you’re a poetry machine.

      What you missed in my poem was the vision of a woman crawling on the man. It was her breasts impaling him which leads to his excitement and ultimate seduction. I hate porn and I tried to paint the image with out being graphic.


  • Ntagatf
    January 26, 2007

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    Thank you so much for entering my contest i have yet to receive one like this and its amazing i love it!!! great job!!!i enjoyed it!!! I love medieval legends!!! and i love how you were able to write it all out! once again great job! i loved it.. good luck in my contest! and keep up the good work!

    ~tearstaindangel~

  • Redorigami
    January 26, 2007

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    Two Thumbs Up

    That was very well written in my opinion, short and breif but it expresses the point well. However, it's a little dark and devilish for my taste. But that just makes it mean more when I say I liked it. Good job!


  • Firequeen
    January 26, 2007

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    oohhh so chilling
    i love this
    the imagrey is outstanding
    and the flow is wonderful
    Keep up the great writting
    fire


  • Sacrificial Love
    January 26, 2007

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    OUTSTANDING!!!!!!

    I have written a piece on succubus before...I commonly use the word "succus" in my pieces...I learned it during the time I was learning about all of this...

    You did an outstanding job with this piece...the choice of wording...picture...and color scheme are incredible...I used a photo of a half nude woman who had red eyes and slight horns protruding from her head.

    You are a powerful writer...write on...

    xo
    Heidi

  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    January 26, 2007
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    Can't really read the font... awww it's annoyinng being visually impaired, it's just so squiggly and all that lot.


  • boy-poet
    January 26, 2007
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    incredible

    i enjoyed that a tad dark for me but thats my personal prefernce overall it was amxingly written


  • Claudia Incognito
    January 26, 2007

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    wow

    I've never heard the legend written out like that, I mean, I love the legend, and I've written many story using characters that were succubus but I've never seen anything like that, wow, just wow


  • Chemical Muse
    January 26, 2007

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    thank you for opening my eyes to one pice of legend i've been needing to add to my personal collection. i knew the character in Castlevania had to come from somewhere. nice write, and keep bringing stuff like this to the table.


  • grannyeri gold member
    January 26, 2007

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    What an amazing legend - and what a great interpretation of this legend you have written in this poem. Good flow and vivid images you have shared with us in these lines. Great picture to accompany the write.


  • Im3
    January 26, 2007

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    Breathtaking

    Sending chills up my spine, with your lines of splendor. This I feel is one of your better works. Tastefully true, sketched with many colors. I love this line, "I will cackle at the hilarity of your pitiful maleness
    Until your vulcanized flesh is torn asunder by the reprisals of the dawn of your new hell". Absolutely stunning!


  • panegyric ink
    January 26, 2007

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    you've captured the stentch and the foulness of the title so well that you have completely blown any poetry i have ever written to date right off this earth's one great big giant orgied mess of a round glob they call a globe or a map or whatever, the point is..... Genuine.


  • Elfin
    January 26, 2007

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    I love this Amera, this is the kind of free verse that haunts me, it is passionate and seductive, I am not a lover of most free verse, it doesn't have the power to excite, but this does and I like. I wrote about the Incubus, you may find that interesting. Val


  • Manoura xx
    January 26, 2007
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    dark..and scary;...with many wonderful vivid words...great job...BRAVO!!!!!!


  • blueyez
    January 26, 2007
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    I liked this write. Very dark and I love the words you chose!

  • enigma-78
    January 25, 2007

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    truely amazing

    You have done an amazing write here!. You have created a powerful and dark poem that tasteful and compells the reader to go on. I love your imagery and style you paint such a vivid picture in the mind, every line is filled with so much detail. This should be put on the front page, its truly masterful....

  • PerVirtuous
    January 25, 2007
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    Boogie, Boogie Boogie!

    Very polished and hair-raising! I like it. I'm not usually big on dark stuff, but this is very tastefully done and meaningful.

  • Aeonna
    January 25, 2007
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    Amazing Imagery

    excellente, whoa i like it.. you did a great job with this poem.. the imagery and the flow of your words.. the meaning in each lines... a brillant masterpiece...

    red roses


  • January 25, 2007

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    Brillant!

    This is a brilliant master work.

    Very Dark, I like it…

    Telling imagery – “catacombs of …desire” Words like sequestered and prodigal are strong as if you are trapped in a cell that is to small for you.

    You can fell conflict and madness in this words.

    “Impale you’re side”

    “Like the mired of men have before you”

    You give the reading a glimpse into what a succubus is…

    It is a very old legend and this telling is one of the best!

    “You will choke pitch black air at the jasmine scent of my breath as it fills your being”

    Very Good, Very, Very Good!

    “I will cackle at the hilarity of your pitiful maleness
    Until your vulcanized flesh is torn asunder by the
    reprisals of the dawn of your new hell”

    The ending… is the ending in Hell.

    Bravo!


  • Fire N Ice
    January 25, 2007

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    OH WOW!

    Your muse is on a roll!!
    this is very dark and gripping,
    Almost chilling to read, wow....
    im just lost for words to rate this Amera,

1 - 58 of 58