Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Buried

 



Hung by a mundane noose,

restrained

by daily routines

and tangled

in society's web;

the definition of norm

 

Logic thumbs for escape;

ride hitched

on liquid rail car

driven south,

destination ~

                      anywhere

 

Intoxication's barrier

hinders functions;

sweet warmth

distorts ~

vision doubles

in rear view mirror

 

Deteriorated tracks

traveled ~

worn thin,

one too many trips;

a back seat driver

to fluidic temptations

 

Run away emotions

meet reality's brick wall;

an unforeseen collision

ends journey

buried in a puddle

of twisted metal


In a list

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Abdul T Alishtari
    January 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    I almost expected the hand to thumb a ride...

    You and this united
    are not as one
    for your malaise excited
    deserves more than pun.

    The fire I expect
    here you let wane
    unless thats the project
    no transcendence as inane.

    Abdul Tawala Ibn Ali Alishtari


  • Catressa gold member
    January 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    There were so many images here I was literally swimming in them. (no pun intended) you leave the reader going this way and that on the rollar coaster ride with you..

    Thank You for entering.


  • Moons Lunar Angel
    January 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this piece is so deep and emotional. Rollercoaster ride right there Just suberb imagery in this.
    Run away emotions
    meet reality's brick wall;
    an unforeseen collision
    ends journey
    buried in a puddle
    of twisted metal
    That bit is written so perfectly! It's the bit that hit me the hardest too. I hope this is something you're getting through I love you mum Be strong like I know you are
    Lunar angel



  • WolfHeart
    January 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Love it

    Imagery and mystique - a great combo. I really love your writing and this is a prime example of why.
    "Deteriorated tracks

    traveled ~

    worn thin,

    one too many trips;

    a back seat driver

    to fluidic temptations"

    That's my favorite part... it just steams up the page.
    Metaphors are delicious and the whole thing works together beautifully.

    Hugs Wolfie


  • Heavenly Angel silver member
    January 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Most excellent write, Bel! Wish you all the best in this contest; this rocks!


  • Blazing White Wolf
    January 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    lovely write about how we bamboozle ourselves by looking to intentely into the rerview mirror of our past. Inhale it, digest it, learn from it, then crap it out as it so fittingly deserves well done My loness

    Love you,
    Master

1 - 6 of 6