Dizzy
Spinning daisies,
Ten dozen petals pulled;
Unending days he loves me not -
Does he?
© 2007
Tanya Boutros
A contest entry
- Sensual flowers & some other S-words... by Nicolette.
700 points, ended January 30, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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bravo
Oh, I love this! However, I do have one quibble: it is entirely toooo short! Like Oliver said: "More, more, please?" bravo... bravo... bravo...
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this is very whimisical and cute.in its simplicity it has manage to be very astute.that daisy game will never get old.only if it came out to our favor each time.i used to pull petals until it said i love you.
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I did not see that!! Thank you for pointing it out - it makes this poem so much more interesting!!
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I wrote my own little daisy poem a couple of days ago, so I can very much identify with this "dizzy daisy" poem of yours. So much poetry has been written about the "daisy-game" of he loves me, he loves me not, but yours is not cliche at all. I like the twist at the end of this cinquain - the question asked and the many ways one can interpret that. The "ten dozen petals pulled" creates many pictures in the mind...aah yes, how many daisies still to go? The syllable count is perfect too. Thank you for this lovely entry and good luck in the contest.
~ Nicolette
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Thank you Nicolette. I don't know if you noticed, I was trying to play with the sound of the word "daisy" in each line (dizzy, dozen, days he, does he). Meh, just being silly.
I used to play that game a lot way back when, many a poor flower I have ruined
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He better!
WOW! I didn't realize that this was a cinquain until I read the contest.....that makes it wonderful because you wrote this so effortlessly that it flowed through the form without the usual halted rhythm that one finds in cinquains. Wonderful metaphors, and great imagery in this.
It's amazing how one little 'weed' can influence the lives of so many people when they want to know the answer to the ultimate 'do they love me?'
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ya bet yer butt he does
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That old test. Kills the flower, leaves the answer ambiguous. I like the light way this was worded, so simple. There's lots of flowers around for trying out if you get the wrong answer.
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