I've recorded this message for you-
my tears made ink and graphite bleed...
Bare with me as I fight for breath
that after so long is finally freed.
I must take this slow and easy
so my heart doesn't break too fast,
I need to make this teardrop clear
for these words are meant to be my last.
You loved me to a hurting point
so that when you asked I lied,
but beneathe moonlight all on my own
guilt burried me and I cried...
For the dark you thought you saw in me
that I brushed by as attitude,
really was the pain breaking past
my castle wall of solitude.
And now at the final breath I take
I wish to confide the truth in you,
that who you knew as your friend
was merely the first debut.
The me who walks with confidence
and a sacrastic smile across my face,
is not the person I am right now-
enveloped in a Claustrophobic place.
The shining eyes in cleverness
and the advice on which you relied,
came from just a fading sliver
of the heart slowly beating inside.
The poetry you read with laughter
and the warm hugs that you accepted,
were pieces of my torn up life
...that are now successfully rejected.
My secrets told in 'Truth or Dare'
were fables made up in moment,
the last dew drops of my playfulness
that now have no witty component.
But I also wish to make it clear
that through the dark I still listened,
I heard all your pain and all the love-
I cared when your gentle eyes glistened.
I never lied or thought to decieve
about my oppinions on your life,
and when you cried to me so quiet
-I could feel your lonely strife.
Then when I said to your worried face
that I had faith in you,
believe that at that time and place
I spoke every letter true.
And when I told you time and again
that you would be okay,
that was the part of my weak soul
that yearned and wished to stay.
But unfortunately for you, my dear-
my heart now beats too slow...
So I ask you wait till this tape ends-
then please, just let me go.
Author notes
This is not true...but parts of it (like the lieing and masquerade) are true.
A contest entry
- FOR ANYONE!!! by Innocent Evil.
370 points, ended January 28, 2007, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Broken R! by Ms Raneika.
600 points, ended March 9, 2007, 88 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love is the slowest form of suicide... by Yours-To-Have.
500 points, ended March 22, 2007, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Wow I really enjoyed reading this piece....your choice of vocabulary to me was just great...so easily flowed and nicely put together thanks for entering my contest much love, Raneika
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Thank you so much for reading and commenting, I'm glad you can appreciate it.
Enjoy your contest.
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LOVED IT!
OMG! This poem is soooo intense. The rhyme is original and fresh. Your flow is great. Everything seemed to flow so smoothly. Each line just continued on to the next like a story. I was hung on to every word, craving to hear what happened next. I loved the suspense and emotion. You can really feel the tug-of-war between love and pain. I loved it. I think it would also be a great entry for a contest of my pal's ... it's called LOVE IS THE SLOWEST FORM OF SUICIDE, if you're interested. I think your poem would have a great chance for winning another gold. A word of precaution however... if you do decide to enter, my friend is really picky about her poems and really wants something that gets to her heart. I have confidence in this poem though. Best wishes in your future endeavors and thanks for such a great read!
~Jessica
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WOW! Excellent comment- I'm glad that this poem caught you up so wonderfully!! I will be sure to go take a gander at that contest
Thanks again for the comment- AND the guestbook comment! lol- yes...I win MOST of the arguements...not all.
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Fantastic
fantastic and oh so sad... and im glad you dont want to kill yourself... because that would be a trajedy... great write
-tabbykat -
Thank you for entering my contest! ohh really good!
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Thank you so much for the gold and 300 pts!!!! Great contest, great options.
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kvajhfkjhjg OH MY GOD. LACIE I FREAKING LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!! this was sooo amazing on so many freaking levels. "my tears made ink and graphite bleed..." gasp and awe. omg i loved it with a feirce passion. amazingly amazing seriously. god id kill to write like this. your words were perfect hun...honestly i think this is just....well amazing!!!! great write.
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LOL THANK YOU SO MUCH HON!!
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very good
"The me who walks with confidence
and a sacrastic smile across my face,
is not the person I am right now-
enveloped in a clostrophobic place."
i think i can feel what you mean here.. this is my favorite stanza... the person who is usually so in controll of looking like they fit in and are on top of everything is now outcast by the one person who mattered most.. am i close?
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Lol- I reread it now and it does seem as if it's a metaphorical suicide of a sort, that the character is different because she is outcast...interesting. When I was writing this I was writing it as a person already changed- hiding her new self from her loved one(s). lol
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