breathe in
breathe out
breathe in
breathe out.
The process of staying alive
is more complicated than I
once thought.
breathe in
breathe out.
Fighting against others,
Kill or be killed,
Survival of the fittest.
All this I expected.
breathe in.
but myself?
breathe out.
I never thought I'd have to
force myself to draw breath.
To keep myself from...
ceasing to exist.
breathe in
breathe out.
To keep myself from flying
out of the upstairs window.
breathe in.
Or filling my lungs
with bathwater.
breathe out.
Or maybe swallowing
some of my mother's brightly colored pills.
They look like candy anyway.
breathe in
breathe out.
Sometimes,
forfeiting the game is better.
Sometimes,
the easy road is the best one.
breathe in
breathe out.
For now, I'll just keep breathing.
But one day, this game of existing
has to end.
breathe in
breathe out
breathe-
Author notes
wrote it in english.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This is really well written. It is so filled with emotion it makes you feel it. The repition works well here and adds that extra touch, making the poem all the more powerful. Ity really draws you in and holds you there. Really amazing piece, great work.
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I like the style that you used something totally different than anything i ever seen. It goes together so well. The poem also has a truth to it and i really like that. Well writen!!
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INTERESTING
it has such a vivid rhythm and the idea is quite originally exposed!each line challanges the reader in a very intriguing manner!well done! -
I write a lot in English too...I did yesterday actually and it's not cause it's English... it's because it's my least favorite class and I don't have to do anything and I still pass somehow even when flunking tests and such. *shrug*
But as for your poem, lovely lovely lovely. Oh and I basically LOVED it. Wonderful, amazing comparisons. I liked how you kept the simulated breathing type stuff all the way through it. Very creative.
Great job.
♥
Mad
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A marvelous heartfelt piece. Raw and full of emotion. I like your use of effective repetition throughout the piece. The lines "Or filling my lungs /with bathwater" are very powerful.
DancingRed.
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This is very good. There's a lot of emotion. It's a little scary.. I'm not gonna lie. But I know where you're coming from.
Well written!
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