Listen.
(for once, you owe me that much. I think. I think maybe you owe me a lot more, but remember! we're not keeping score, are we? like you promised? did you promise? I feel like the world ate you a really long time ago, and I feel like that's okay. because you and me, we know. we know each other and everyone else separately, and is that really okay? okay. okay. okay. okay. okay)
I'm leaving now.
(because you should have known. these hearts we own: you own. you thought you could buy me but I don't have a price. my voice keeps screaming and the locks keep turning and the rage is building like these porcelain teakettles and it'll explode and you're crazy, okay? you're losing the only thing that ever loved you. yeah, your mother lied. my eyes don't try to shape the truth in front of you: I was truth. what can I say to let you go for once? is there anything I could do to save myself this heartache? we're wired, and ripping you out of me--it'll hurt like hell and I don't want to.
mommie, I don't want to.
the voices rise like the tide: seas. were you the sea? I wasn't. there is all this love all over the place: like air. maybe because it's everywhere I hate it so much. there's no corner of the world I can go to just lie down and let. it. out
there are choices: you can't make them. I can't even make them. I'm so--you remember that
time
we laid under the canopy of life and laughed, like the world was beyond us? well,
turns out the world was laughing that time. laughing like an evil, horrible
horrible
translated person. it was a person that night, and it knew just what to do so you'd cry.
remember, you cried? you cried in front of me. your first time, you said. [mine too]
and there were stars that swirled just for us, and I thought God loved us.
turns out he hates us just as much as the next bastard. you think all these thoughts--do I love you, do I? this is hard to follow. I know. it's not a normal blatant lie. it's a special lie, one I crafted over many years and with my own hands.
these two hands that held you all those long lives, they're leaving. they are leaving.
I am leaving you)
I'm more
(I am. I truly believe nowhere in me that you will not be the person I will look back and hope to forget before I die. will I have to burn all your things? forget all those times I lost myself and you tried to help, but you're--you can't. there are things you can't do, you--superman.
you're gonna love me. that's what I thought. I thought you'd change-I'd change-we'd change, like three of a kind. well, that's three against me.
you open the d(smash)oor.
there's a small opening in my heart if you want to s(plead for me to stay, like I've imagined you saying all our lives. did you expect me to stay forever? because I did. was I the naive one? if I was, then why am I leaving?)ay so(love. oh, I love you. I love you. love. you)mething.
you t(so)urn.
then you turn ar(coming back for more? because every moment you hesitate is a moment of doubt, the doubt creeping in, vines over this garden and these...flowers...I'm so old. am I old to you? because I'm old to me)ound.
you grab your key(no)s.
that's it?
that's i(yes)t.
I am more than I think of me right now)
than these words.
(these words could never explain to the world: to the person it matters the most. we are the same, aren't we? there's this part of me that can never came back...is there? you'll never be there in the same way.
there's music today.
how strange, like it's a musical, like my life is a joke. is this funny? is this (god) funny? because there's a big part of me that is ready to give up. how can we exist not together? we're part of the same--let me explain.
God got this big sheet of paper, and he has cookie cutters. I bet you--anyways, he drew us, and he knew that eventually, even though each (wo)man was created separately, we'd find each other. like magnets. so, he let us float together down to earth, and he cut us apart the last. sheets of the same color, the same size, the same life. did you ever doubt for a second that we were the same?
because I did. I'm doubting right now.
I admit it. I'm the smaller person, because I am dreaming of you and dreaming without you all at the same time...some schizophrenic love. sorry. sorry...sorry...sorry. can I ever?)
There's a part of me that wants to stay, and a part of me that doesn't know what to say. Listen. Just listen. Because I'm not home here. This isn't
home.
(you're home. you'll always be home)
(kiss goodbye, raincloud)
(I will always be your umbrella: from far away)
Author notes
I think having music on like "Listen" from Dreamgirls prompted this. Aka = first line.
And just--life. Urk! Life!
Life is beautiful and horrible and ugly and joyous and nothing and everything and...life.
Sometimes I hate it. sososo much. (!)
A contest entry
- Ordinary World~ by Blkwidow77.
450 points, ended March 4, 2007, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think, if you think anything about this:
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Well. This was rather jump(somewhat erractic but definitely thought-provoking)y and sketchy at parts.
Still)
I really loved it. You definitely have talent and although some of the emotion involved may have been too strong (overwhelming some of the cadence)
it nevertheless carried me along with it.
There's [little, precious little] else that I can say.
You know this better than I would.
But I loved it.
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almost unbelievable!
Such depth, such poignancy, so intimate, so personal, so baring the soul, the heart and the mind...you have a couple really great readers and comments...happy that you do, hope you appreciate.
Sustaining that passion, that energy, those feelings...sighs, in the words of an old song, "I think I'd rather drive a truck..." (Ricky Nelson, Garden Party), I would love to know you better.
amicus...
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Hello and welcome to my contest. Being that the contests are now 'blind' and I don't know who wrote them, I can no longer read people's poetry and note their progress from one contest to the next. Also, I will then need to use my disclaimer part of reviews, for those who have never recieved a review before, as I don't know if you're new or not. (unless I happen to recognize your style of writing and know who it is)
You're welcome to put your name in your author notes, if you're one of the ones that likes me to note your progress in your writing.
"The original disclaimer":
~I feel it necessary to tell people unaccustomed to me, a little something about my personality. And that is, I'm inclined to be bluntly honest. Not mean, just straight forward about the impressions your piece left me with and suggestions I might have. You are not obligated to change a thing. But it is always wise to at least take them into consideration.~
That being said, let's move onto your piece. Ah. Well. yes. This would, but of course it would (how can it not be? me? No? It's you. It was always always ~sometimes~ you.) p b without the j. Because if it isn't you, then it's you in someone else's body, on someone else's account, thinking they're someone else. But they're not (not). Right? Wrong. (it was supposed to be left. But I hate anything to the left, you understand, don't you?) Right. (left-)
hmmm... Yes. I know it is you. Hence, my rambling.
I always enjoyed your work. Even on the days you wrote sideways and asked for orange juice in a shot glass. But that is the past. And now you aren't here, and I'm not here either. Did you read that book, by the way? Torture the artist?
This review has no point. Why should it? It's you, and you know already. Your work is always pretty with pink bows that have wrinkles, and you keep promising to iron them out, but you don't.
It doesn't touch the beauty of your dead girl series. And sacrificing them to the volcanoes and the sea. The images not so sharp, the metaphors as deep as I know you're capable of. Though on the other hand, you haven't been in the spirit of writing, so it's not a surprise. It simply can't be forced.
And yet this is never to say that I don't like it. I do. It doesn't make me fall out of my chair, but I do want to read all the way to the end. Doesn't this make sense? I hope so. I don't make much sense these days.
But I did try to save a few pennies for you. You can have all the ones I've been saving in my pocket (even the one with that was dirty and had gum on it), because I figure I probably don't really need them anymore.
So you can have them all.
Goodbye. (goodbye...)
-
Damn girl; I think this is one of the more angry ones of yours I've read in quite a while.
Or rather, the first half or so was angry, angry as hell, angry like a storm when it realizes half-way through that it's going to end and so it unleashes everything it has on the poor souls below at sea. The second half sounded almost desperate, like you were hoping, hoping, hoping you wouldn't have to walk away from (a guy, the world, an ideal[some ideals], yourself, a friend), hoping that it could be salvaged or maybe this (guy, world, ideal, you, friend) would realize how wrong it's been and would try actually fixing it.
Of course, I know I'm totally off, but I can at least say I sounded marginally intelligent there.
Anyway, the poem definitely had more power and energy behind it than usual, and that's saying something 'cause all your poems are so vibrant and bouncy and stuff. It's good reading.
How have you been, dear friend?
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no comments yet?? why, because this deserves like a million! arent you happy that exams are over?
i love your metaphors and your way for explaining things that are so hard to explain. i got brain block, i cant think. ill try to finish this later ((sorry)) =(
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