It's dawn again, here comes the light
to end another sleepless night
and make me realise it's true
I look around, and there's no you.
It's time to get up out of bed
the body moves but my heart is dead
I look around, the house is bare
and all because you're not there.
I go to work and drive all day
eyes on the road, my mind astray
remembering the love we had,
it really is so very sad.
I come back home again at night
to live again in constant fright,
and look out of my window pane
and pray that you'll come home again.
Author notes
Written for a friend who's wife left him.
you can use this on your My space should you find it good enough.
A contest entry
- Alone.....Prewrites allowed by LoveNeverDies.
370 points, ended May 17, 2007, 93 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What does it mean to be ALONE? by WhenWillsCollide.
575 points, ended May 30, 2007, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Emotional Poems Wanted by DeadlyTurnip.
440 points, ended August 22, 2007, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Killing Lonliness by BAMFNx3.
500 points, ended January 17, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your lonely by darlintlc.
450 points, ended May 21, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Loneliness by Cyclical.
1000 points, ended February 9, 70 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Very sad! The lonelyness of a day without someone you love!!
Thanks for entering and good luck
darlintlc -
This is a good write, but the rhyming seems a bit forced. I like the emotion you have here. Thank you for entering!
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thanks for entering
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it sucks to feel all alone....but sometimes it's better to be alone...I love being alone at times...but I get the pain in it to...great job....
xXTashaXx -
this was a great poem and i really enjoyed reading this...its very sad that this has happened to your friend..i hope things get better for him..keep writting your talented and good luck in the contest
~Chrissy~ -
Awww...this is so sad. Unfortunately, it's something that a lot of people can relate to. I love the way you wrote this. The poem progresses through and entire day, showing how every single piece of life is affected. It seems so very real. You did a great job with this piece.
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How Sad
Wow Norman, this is so sad, beautifully sad... brilliantly written my friend.
ang
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Tender
Circles and cycles at the center, loneliness is quite a torment. Nicely written and clear - I was able to travel with you in this moment of loneliness. Great job.
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WOW!
This poem had nearly perfect flow and rhyme...only one part I think was forced
remembering the love we had,
it really is so very sad.
You use the words, really, so and very all in the same line...for lack of a better expression, these are often filler words when the flow is off and here you use a lot of them.
But don't get me wrong, this is one of the best poems I've read in a while and probably one of the best on the site! It really touched me!
PoeticThunder* -
Norman
As a newly retited guy from NYC I can understand this poem as if it were me. Great decription of what can happen in later life.Hang in there
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Very Nice
I hate being lonely and I hate it when I know that someone is lonely because I know how it feels. When you get really lonely you just feel as if nothing can feel that void -
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Life is tough
But thank you for your response. I do not get many lol. & keep writiing my friend
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Nicely written and very touching. I love your rhymes, they give your work good flow and make it easy to absorb.
Blessings,
Azlyn -
This is a nicely written piece, not too sentimental, but with the right amount of feeling and that touch of realism that so many of us can sympathise with.
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