I imagined us taking a walk together
On the beach, it was night
It could have been summer, I didn't care
Blind, I only moved by the feel of your hand
The water threatened but you kept me safe
At least, it felt that way
Your voice filtered through to me
Gently drifting over the cool sea breeze
I was entranced by your words
Though I didn't understand a single one
I glanced furtively at you from time to time
Shy and believing you did not notice
Our steps rhymed,
waves lapping at our feet as we walked
Me stumbling awkwardly while you glided with elegance
I was lost in a world of you
We met on a train
It was the close of spring
We were travelling the south of France
The wine country
You wore a pretty dress
Sitting by the window of one of the coaches
You were lost outside
I wondered what you were looking at so intently
For the longest time that image of you would haunt me
We were in a car
The top down, your hair fluttering in the wind
Your beautiful tresses dancing to your laughter
As we swooped along the curving road
Overlooking the beach, on a sunny day
You looked at me from across the room
One question mark over that graceful brow
And a mischievous smile tugging the corners of your mouth
My heart thudded with painful excitement
A mixture of euphoria and adrenaline
Ignited by a simple look from you
I am putty in your hands, which you shape and mould
Rework, remould, with every changing mood
Reincarnating me with every kind word you throw my way
My silent reveries I dedicate to you
When solitude finds me a broken man
Crumbling to dust in the sighing wind
When flowers bloom in the desert
Know then that I have ceased to exist
For you are my oasis
My Queen of The Night Flowers
Author notes
Don't know if this quite fits.
I will retire my pen for now in the hope that inspiration strikes again.
Kind regards
Previn
A contest entry
- Through Your Eyes. by Poetryintheblood.
350 points, ended May 22, 2007, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - Romance: Love, Fantasy and Passion by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended May 11, 117 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show Me What You Got!! (2nd Contest) by Hetha.
475 points, ended July 6, 2007, 5 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "Anything Goes!...Well almost...kinda....sorta....uh...." by islekine.
600 points, ended August 12, 2007, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Did You Win A Gold Trophy? by Nam.
525 points, ended October 19, 2007, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING FREEVERSE by leslielovesthomas.
400 points, ended October 25, 2007, 26 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GOLD for GOLD by Luminescence.
300 points, ended March 11, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best POET'S A Three Part Contest by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended March 14, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Two Golds For One Poem ? Wanna Make it three?? by Kari.
600 points, ended March 17, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tempt My Heart - PW by Melissa Burns.
600 points, ended March 22, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Love Poetry Ever Written!!!! Give Me All of Your Passion!!! by Black Swan Rose.
350 points, ended March 28, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *POETRY* ALL ENTRIES WELCOME! =] by only1love4ever.
673 points, ended March 30, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - all the prewrites you want by serenity silvermoon.
600 points, ended March 29, 2008, 150 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Getting Over Your Dearest by Wilted Rose Bush.
600 points, ended April 21, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~♥~ Hopeless Romantics and Other Sad Love Poems ~♥~ by Shassidy.
525 points, ended April 21, 2008, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me All You've Got (Winner Takes All) by hey charlie.
300 points, ended May 3, 2008, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GIVE ME YOUR GOLD - MUST HAVE WON TWO GOLDS OR MORE, CONTEST #74 by Roaddog Wolf.
850 points, ended May 14, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 43 of 43
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nicely penned version of one of those special moments that are special even though it may seem simple to others they are important to the one it is important to good write Thank you for entering your poem and good luck in the contest
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HOLY CRAP. After reading your poem, it took me forever to actually get to the comment box.
Sorry. Just thought it was kinda cool.
Anyway, I really enjoyed reading your poem. There was a certain elegance about it that not even a poem with all sorts of pretty, confusing metaphors could achieve. I really should thank you for entering something that I could actually understand and get the full meaning. So thank you for sparing me a visit to the dictionary and for entering my contest.
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Wow. This piece is a truly wonderful piece! It has a lot of wonderful imagery - such as in stanzas 2, 6, and 7. I love the great word choices in this piece, it's really wonderful. I actually know a song by the title of "Falling Into You", but that song has much more simplistic language than this poem. I really like the imagery in this - it really sticks with me. Great job and good luck in the contest!
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great imagery and a great beat given here
nice structure and it really shows how you felt and do feel
i could really relate to this
well done, thanks for entering and good luck
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Only1love4ever-Reply
Oh this is gorgous. Don't retire your pen, you are a wonderful writer. I like this poem, it took my mind away to lands i've never seen before. It brought me upon that train as if a spectator of your love for such a beauty. Wanting and anticipating the passion to spark between the two of you. It is gorgous previn. Thank you and good luck! :] -
Well, first many congrats on the lovely trophy case this poem has afforded you
Second, thank you for entering this into my own humble contest, I really enjoyed this poem, particuarlly the lines
"I glanced furtively at you from time to time
Shy and believing you did not notice"
Thanks and good luck
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I loved the ending. Well done and good luck!
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Appealing 10/10
Fitting The Prompt 3/10
Spelling etc. 10/10
This doesn't really fit the prompt, but because its so beautiful I really don't care, you used the prompt and found a different twist on it. -
ooooOOOOOooo.... donna likes... I really enjoyed reading this peice a lot. I love romantic pieces...
Thank you so much for entering and participating in my contest and good luck,
~lumin -
This is really good!! So much emotion, the imagery is beautiful. I'm at a loss for word!
Good luck
Leslie
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When I first read this, I found it to be quite elegant. I hardly ever use that word in describing a poem, really can't remember the last time I did, so, that was worth giving you an HM.
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The imagery is great... the way a man is so heavily drawn by his most obvious senses... lol... that's why we seem to put in such efforts to beautify... hmmm... love the ending... a very beautiful write indeed!
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Great
Outstanding! I can see why it has won trophy's. An excellent write, very well penned! Good luck in the contest! -
this poem was a great read
at least it was to me
thank you for having it here
for I like it -
Obviously...
A real winner....
But will it beat 99 others?
Thanks for the exceptional entry!
*PEACE*
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very nice darl good luck
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oh wow. ur rite. i absolutely adored this piece. i could imagine it all in my head. wonderful
Our steps rhymed,
waves lapping at our feet as we walked
Me stumbling awkwardly while you glided with elegance
I was lost in a world of you
luvd that verse....
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Lovely, simply lovely! I really liked the line "Your beautiful tresses dancing to your laughter." Wonderfully written! Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!
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Beautiful
I wish this piece never ended. It is truly a perfect example of amazing poetry. I'm almost speechless, except to say thank you for writing something so exquisite. This is so full of imagery and beauty. I love the way you weave your words. I felt like I was there. When your muse returns, please promise you'll keep writing.
Love always,
Madison
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This was breathtaking! I enjoyed reading it very much
It definitely makes me pause to think about ones I've lost in my life up until now. I like that,"Queen of the Night Flowers" Very touching.
Good luck in my contest
~Hetha -
There are so many gems in this piece that I hardly know where to start. I loved the rhyming steps and the haunting desire to know her thoughts. The dancing tresses and the reincarnating praise. So much about this piece is what I look for when I review poetry.
The flash-point imagrey of the poem gives powerful accent to the emotion involved by giving us (the readers) a snapshot glimpse into your time (imagined or otherwise) with your muse. This has to be the best mechanic available for romance poetry. Too often authors are trapped in obtuse descriptions because words fail them... you have indeed risen above.
Thank you for the terrific entry.
~Das
P.S. - the only thing I might change about this piece is the title. Doesn't quite fit, does it? -
Awesomely and beautifully written!
Touches the heart and soul of your reader and that makes for very good poetry
Thank you for sharing and for being a part of the contest! -
this was indeed beautiful. one thing that is a pet peeve of mine is that when one uses punctuation i like to see it used consistently. the other judges may feel differently and i can only speak for myself but i would like to see periods and other punctuation other than just commas. i will be back at a later date to further comment on this beautiful write. thank you for entering. viyanna rosemarie
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Sooooo Beautiful
Hello Previn, Congratulations on winning the Gold!!! You so deserved it. This was so full of lovely imagery. Thank you for sharing. You take care, Sandy 
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Thank you for reading and commenting and congrats on the silver. Your poem was beautifully done.
Take care Sandy
Kind regards
Previn
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Thank you for your entry, Josephine
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You captured me with your words and held me tight right until the end. The images that flashed through my mind were, to say the least spectacular. I could smell, taste, feel your words and emotions and transported me to be by your side.
This fits just perfectly, and please don't retire your pen for too long.
All the best in the contest,
Sue
xxxx
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your work is beautiful...it's like i never want to stop reading...
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absolutely stunning! i love the way the tone is so relaxed and the narrative is so natural "On the beach, it was night
It could have been summer, I didn't care" so much meaning in those words, as well.
it flows perfectly, and every stanza contains a glorious new sequence of imagery and romance. very, very well done.
keep up the fantastic work!
ELW xx
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Awwwww! Lovely feeling of love!
Very well written, this tells a great story.
Welldone and good luck in my contest.
Katie -
Fuzzy warm feeling all over
Why, oh why can't I be loved like that?Sniff, sniff! -
awwwww
wow great job just wow ..can i cum bak later ..u know i luv ur work but that was beautiful
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A pleasure to read
It was extremely well written, and conveyed a beautiful tale wonderfully. Absolutely brilliant job
Amykins x -
I like this it is extreemly sweet and loving... Great Job...
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Very romantic!!!
I see each a different kind of woman that you are in love with each different season. It seems to me that there are 3. No winter. I like the different situations. I like how you are in love each time and the way you mold yourself into what you need to be with each. You are a player! Haha! Just Kidding!! LOL!
I love this poem it's very romantic. I really enjoyed reading it.
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This is a beautiful piece from the heart,
you show your love in a fantastic way. -
Every stanza was
pure excitement for me!!!! I get that way, when the thoughts become more & more engaging as I read on!!!!
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Very beautiful ... You've done well with this write ... it shows imgery ... and the emotion that you put into it ... very well written ... great form and flow ... and I just love how you put so much together ... it's amazing ... good job ... and good luck in the contest
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this is a good poem and I love it
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A very nice, soothing and strong poem. It shows a lot of emotion, and brings the reader a sense of that same euphoria you describe. My one nitpick is the very last line, "I love you." I think that the poem points that out very strongly throughout, so the use of the term is somewhat trite. There is a lot of very strong imagery and, besides that last line, is very refreshing. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest!
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Oh, I do like this. Beautiful...a wonderful collage of images painted with a heart of love. I can see them clearly, feel the emotion pouring out of you. What a gorgeous tribute to a lucky lady.
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Ohhhhhh this is so beautiful. Filled with images, sights that form in my head; and the love...oh it's wonderful. I needed soomething like this today. thanks.
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This is beautiful. It gave me a sense of the old black and white movies. That old fashioned love that is filled with so much passion and desire.
Soulful Woman
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