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Cool Water's Flowing - (Terzanelle)

 

Cool water’s flowing down among rocks shining

basking peacefully in the warm summer’s sun

Cool water’s flowing down among rocks shining

 

Gentle noise of the chilly fluids steady run

heard only by Mother Natures chosen own

basking peacefully in the warm summer’s sun

 

Such natural wonder’s are very rarely shown

Beauty visualized but seldom ever realized

heard only by Mother Natures chosen own

 

Her solemn grace always idealized

free to tantalize every scent of man

Beauty visualized but seldom ever realized

 

From the beginning and traditions began

man has destroyed that of natures beauty

free to tantalize every scent of man

 

Now before it is to late we must all do our duty

Cool water’s flowing down among rocks shining

man has destroyed that of natures beauty

Cool water’s flowing down among rocks shining

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Terzanelle
The Terzanelle is a poetry type which is a combination of the villanelle and the
terza rima forms. It is a 19-line poem consisting of five interlocking triplets/tercets
plus a concluding quatrain in which the first and third lines of the first triplet appear
as refrains. The middle line of each triplet is repeated, reappearing as the last line
of the succeeding triplet with the exception of the center line of the next-to-the-last
stanza which appears in the quatrain. The rhyme and refrain scheme for the triplets
is as follows:

1. A
2. B
3. A

4. b
5. C
6. B

7. c
8. D
9. C

10. d
11. E
12. D

13. e
14. F
15. E

Ending Type 1:

16. f
17. A
18. F
19. A

Ending Type 2:

16. f
17. F
18. A
19. A

Each line of the poem should be the same metrical length.


In a list

A contest entry

First attempt at this form.Please leave your honest comment.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 41 of 41

  • Treasure 5 gold member
    March 11

    Edit | Reply
    wow this was absolutly beautiful CONGRATULATIONS on both of you trophys. You have a wonderful flow it runs smooth. It was a pleasure to read.


  • raggyann
    June 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i admire thius in you
    it is outstanding


    • freespirit51
      June 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      raggyann

      Glad you enjoyed this. I enjoy the challenge of the form poetry.


  • Deezee
    December 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice. I love it, I would give you an Applaud But I'm new at this soo I dont have any points but you'll see, One day Ill be as good as you. I hope you keep on making poems.


  • BurmaShave
    November 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It must have been an effort to stay within the confines of this form. I applaud your effort and skill.I like the contrast between the idea of water--which always follows the path of least resistance, and the form of the piece which is very rigid. This also makes me think of mans need to be the master of nature.
    Thank you for entering my contest and good luck. Matt

    • freespirit51
      November 4, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      BetaMatt

      Thanks you so much for your wonderful comment. I really enjoyed writing this piece, I always like a challenge and this was not bad once I got the idea of how to write it. They are fun actually. Thanks again.


  • RedwingSpirit silver member
    November 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent great work Good luck in the second chance at gold contest congratulations on the previously won trophies


    • freespirit51
      November 3, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      PoovyLou

      Thanks for your congreatulations. I am glad you enjoyed the poem. It is really a beautiful form to write.


  • Nevel
    October 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I'm sorry,I forgot to give you applauds.


  • Nevel
    October 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It's a beautiful poem,I strongly hope it's not too late!Very learning how you can make a form poem.Thank you!

  • Virgoan
    September 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is my first time to read this poem. I will be re-reading all the entries like I usually do.

    Initial score = 9.5

    Thanks for sharing and keep on writing my friend.

    VIRGOAN


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    June 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations on your silver trophy!


  • CitrineSunrise silver member
    June 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I have never written a terzanelle and I appreciate learning about this form. Your choice of subject was beautiful, but I have a question about the form. In the fourth stanza you did not use the repeat line "Beauty visualized but seldom ever realized" and instead used "reaching depths to which he only fantasized". Wss there a reason for this that I need to understand before I attempt this form?

    • freespirit51
      June 6, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for noticing the error. A far as I can tell I made a boo boo. Glad you picked it up and I will try to fix the error.


  • joyya
    June 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write with background that compliments so well. I love the subject and flow of this. We must protect this earth. Thank you for entering.


    • freespirit51
      June 6, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the great comment so glad you enjoyed it. And thanks for the gold.


  • ImmaculateDesire
    February 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Reading this twice has made me realize again how gifted you are. Your thoughts are effervescent like the water you so beautifully depicted. Well done my friend!! Thanks for sharing this with me. Thanks for the admirable praise too. I value your opinion as well. Take care fellow poet. Good luck in the contest. I personally think you blow away all signs of competition.

  • disparate
    February 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I thought this was a moving piece, particularly the flow of the poem and how well it read.
    It's a shame what we've taken from the Earth, and how badly we've hurt her. This poem speaks beautifully, I think people should wake up and listen when words like this come out.
    "man has destroyed that of natures beauty
    Cool water’s flowing down among rocks shining
    Running waters winding path found too confining", these last lines were simply breathtaking.
    Thanks for taking the time to enter and best of luck.


  • oldmanriver1942
    February 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    All I can say is that I love it

    I am not familer with tarzanelle form, But the stanzas hit the nail on the head. I live in the forest and not far from Burny Falls Ca. I can see and feel the beauity in this write..thank you for sharing this beauitiful peace.


  • Whispering Wind Moderators member
    January 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    BEAUTIFUL

    You are so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is truth in its real form:Heard only by MOTHER NATURES chosen ones...So rarely seen are even heard.  Almost everybody is in town. To me it doesnt matter what form you used this poem is special...


  • RT michaels
    January 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    good, you fit the form pretty well. we had to read a lot of this in my English class one day and write one ourselves (mine was awful) but yours sticks to it fairly well. I like this poem a lot. Thank you for entering it.

  • joyya
    January 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Perfect! I as a child had a favorite spot. It was a stream that was out in virgin forest. I felt when I sat by it that I was the only one who had ever seen it. This poem took me back there. Wonderfull write.


  • Sandygram
    January 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    A BEAUTIFUL POEM!!!!

    Hello freespirit51, Your poem is simply beautiful. Your imagery if amazing. I love the form you used. I have never tried it but it is lovely. Best of luck in the contest. Take care, Sandy


  • Shadow Lynx
    January 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Ill be honest i havent heard of this form before my friend but the poem was exquisite ,full of the wonders of nature brought to life in my minds eye and ending with a clear message that we have to do more to preserve it ,and i hope we do Good luck with the contest my friend


  • sunny day
    January 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    spirit, You have captured nature wonderfully within this very structured form you chose to use. The rhyming is perfect. You created such lovely imagery with your words. Thank you for sharing and you have all my best wishes in this contest. Keep the ink flowing. Love and God bless, Joyce


  • Hyper Music
    January 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is nice...it has a good flow to it and lovely descriptions. your words play well with the style. i enjoy the visuals that this poem provides. nice job with this.


  • kajib
    January 23, 2007

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    I dreamed the other day that I was at a place JUST like you described; it was the prettiest thing I ever saw. Your writting has truly fulfilled my dream.


  • Salt Therapy
    January 23, 2007
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    God I love your work, like always. You constantly amaze me with your stunning words that make pretty pictures in my head, prettier then you could ever imagine! Thanks for sharing this with us, and I wish you lots of luck in the contest my dear friend. ~ Kerri

  • Poisonous Kissez
    January 23, 2007
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    this is great.... i can see it in my head and the ryhming i love the most


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    January 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    A wonderful style of writing and you have made it look so easy.. As I read, I could almost hear in the background the flow of the water cascading down the rocks. It is a beautiful piece.
    Soulful Woman


  • RedAquarius
    January 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I had to look up this form but it seems to me you did alright And yay, another new form for me to learn about. Only small edit - I think you need "too" instead of "to" previous to confining. Otherwise, lovely read and write. Good luck and thanks for entering the contest!


  • Karen Layne
    January 23, 2007

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    I know nothing about terzanelle...but I like it anyway. Waterfalls are a favourite of mine. The picture's gorgeous, by the way, and I love the background too


  • Poetdontknowit
    January 23, 2007
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    I LOVE IT

    I have never heard of this style of poetry. It is so different, you must tell me the secret to writing one! Your poem is a delight. Vocabulary and imagery astounding! Good luck in the contest!
    KEEP ON PENNING
    POETDONTKNOWIT


  • issue
    January 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    great peace
    it flows like water

    i really like this line here:

    Her solemn grace always idealized

    free to tantalize every scent of man

    reaching depths to which he only fantasized


    !!! good work dude! keep it up

    check out my poetry thx


  • Firequeen
    January 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this flowed beautifly
    much like a waterfall
    i love the imagrey
    this is just truly great
    keep up the great writting.
    Fire

  • Mother Angst
    January 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    wonderful

    i love nature poems, free, and this one is really great! i love the lines about tantilizing every sense of man...the beauty of the natural world can indeed dothis quite well, and you have captured that in this lovely poem with style and grace.


  • Random Thoughts
    January 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I just love it such fantastic wording envoking amazing visuals, I have no idea what any style is sorry I just write myself, I really like how there are no stops to it well done on a very impressive piece of writing

  • ImmaculateDesire
    January 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is truly stupendous. I am in awe. What a difficult pattern to write in. You have aced it. Great job!! This is so complex in its imagery that it boggles my mind. You really have outdone yourself. Thanks for sharing it with me. I feel like I am writing Poetry 101 and your in Poetry 606. Awesome!!!


  • W B Burkholder
    January 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I am not really versed that well in form however, I felt that this piece was well written and a had a wonderful stroy and concept behind it. With respect, I felt that my eye wandered to much across the page, now this could just be me cause its the end of my day lol and I am sleepy, so please take no offense, NOt my intent to be that, BUt all in all after a second read, a very nicew piece, I hope that helps and I also hope i did not hurt your feelings

  • Whispering Wind Moderators member
    January 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    BEAUTIFUL

    This is a very beautiful poem you have penned. It speaks of great truths and sadness now MOTHER EARTH most choose who gets to listen.Man takes to much and gives so little GOOD LUCK it is most beautiful


  • Kari gold member
    January 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I do agree with what you're saying about mankind and us coming together. If we don't come together it will continue to fall apart as it is.
    Good luck in the contest this is incredible and the flow is great!!
    Kari

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