There once was a boy
Who had a destiny
But he didn't know what it was
He spent his entire life trying
Just trying
To figure it out
Finally
One the day
The world needed him most
He found his destiny
He had to save the world
His mind didn't know
What to do
But his heart did
He started by saving the children
From the firy wall
That surrounded them
Then he saved the dying
Then the others
And then he went back in
To find the hidden
All around
Was smoke and fire
And debry
And fear
There was a hero born that day
But nobody knew
He did everything
But nobody saw
It was the day
The world bled
And nobody saw the hero
He was there
But nobody saw
Nobody cared
Nobody
He was the unwanted hero
But nobody saw
That he was the
NEEDED hero
He was the angel sent from God
Just for that day
He lived like a normal person
But he wasn't real
His entire life
Was invisible
He couldn't eat
He couldn't sleep
He couldn't do anything
Because he was
God's angel
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Very good Ragan
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suggestions
Amber...to many he ands and filler words....some of the stanza's can be condensed and or eliminated....try using less words just the key words......see what you can do with this.....you can delete this comment after I am done example
There was a hero born that day
But nobody knew
He did everything
But nobody saw
A hero was born today,
nobody knew.
everything he did,
no one saw.
see what I mean?
Mal
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Yeah, I got it. I'll change it after awhille if I remember.
I have to go eat. Be back in a minute. -
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look and rework the whole poem ok
eliminate what is repeated or redundant...try not to use the same thoughts twice in the same poem....good luck..ill read when you revise....hugs
Mal
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