Lost in the lies
That clench my insides
Lost in the dreams of hope
Lost in the tides
The deceit in their eyes
And now through the madness I grope
Lost in the tears
That I've shed through the years
As fair-weather friends turn and run
Lost in games
And betrayal's cruel flames
And feeling the sting of a shun
Lost in the pain
The warmth of my vein
Bitterly changes to ice
Lost in the hurt
Rubbed my face in the dirt
To crush me, they didn't think twice
Lost in the black
Stabbed in the back
Lies and deceit pulled me down
Lost in the mire
An honest desire
Was ruined and forcefully drowned
Author notes
~*~Lost in the lies~*~ Option #5~
I know this is more feelings than a story, which most of your options detailed. I actually chose option 5... one of my best friends betrayed me and stabbed me in the back less than a year ago, and it crushed me. Almost all my exes have lied to me and cheated on me, grinding their heels into my heart. Lies have destroyed pretty much every relationship I've ever ben in and lost; that's why I chose #5. This poem just flowed out of me so easily. I really like your contest; I hope that the feelings of being lied to fit the contest well enough, without really being a story about lies.
A contest entry
- Lies by the Eye of Truth.
600 points, ended February 7, 2007, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Anything by Dlvvanzor.
450 points, ended February 2, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Secrecy and Lies. Hate and Deceit. Bullshit and Drama. by perfect relief.
450 points, ended March 8, 2007, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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The rhyme scheme is great. I like the way that it makes this flow. The repetition is done very tastefully. This is very personal, and I'm really sorry that you have had friends like this...but you write about it so beautifully.
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Awesome write. You use language ver effectively throughout the poem. I like it. Thank you for entering.
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Very well written, it has a nice flow to it. Lots of emotion and reality to it, too. Good job!
Good luck in the contest,
-Dlvvanzor -
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Thanks
I'm very glad you liked it.
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sweet
That was awesome, I loved it! -
WOW, thank you
first of all, thank you for correcting what you forgot, second of all.....WOW! this is exactly what I wanted, emotion, passion, hurt, a personal experience written with such flow and great rhyming, ok, i'll slow down...This piece, I really enjoyed, I loved your starting line..."Lost in the lies" (where could you have gotten that?, lol)...but you went on in such a poetic form, I couldn't take my eyes off the screne,
The repetition of "lost" I really liked, especially how you changed the different ways you feel like you are lost....The rhyming, and the short lines just makes the words flow write of the paper (computer screen)...My favorite stanza:
Lost in the black
Stabbed in the back
Lies and deceit pulled me down
Lost in the mire
An honest desire
Was ruined and forcefully drowned
Loved that, as all of it....and the contest is not really based on stories, I did not mean for it to sound like that, I am very glad you wrote and entered it.
Thanks for the entry
Good luck
¤BLONDIE¤
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Blondie
Thanks!! I am so glad you liked it. Honesty is a huge issue to me; I can't stand someone who lies to me; especially since I had so many fair-weather friends who betrayed my trust. I'm glad your contest gave me such an inspiration; it's great to get certain things off my chest. Thanks for your review.
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rules
I have not yet read your poem, please check my rules one more time, you forgot someting in the authors page, plz IM me if you decide to change it, once you do, i will read, comment, and applaud your piece the amount i feel good, thank you
¤BLONDIE¤ -
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Truth
Took me a minute to figure out what I messed up on, but I think I've got it now.
Sorry bout that. If I'm still missing something, please let me know.
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I am sorry!
I know what it is you're going through. All of the people I thought were my true friends betrayed me treated me like a dog and walked all over me. Anyway though it is a very good poem.
GOOD LUCK!
Jessi
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Jessi
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. It's a terrible thing to deal with; good luck!
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