a small child sits in a corner
screaming to escape
wanting to be loved
trying to avoid the rape
her mothers passed out on drugs
not listening to the "lies"
the man she brought home
makes her little girl cry
"run away", says her heart
but where would she go?
"scream and fight", says her mind
but will she pull through?
run away or fight?
will she live?
will she ever be loved?
or will she stay surviving a life like this?
god bless this girl
give her wings to fly
give her the love she needs
and protect her from this guy
A contest entry
- The Broken R! by Ms Raneika.
600 points, ended March 9, 2007, 88 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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To read this was quite the adventure....because I was that child...the events you describe are what makes up my broken childhood...it was as if you wrote this about me...I want to really thank you for entering my contest much love, Raneika
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this is really good gurl i love the part that goes
her mothers passed out on drugs
not listening to the "lies"
the man she brought home
makes her little girl cry
its the truth thats how it is for most gurls and i love the feel of emotion u know well really good i like
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Can definitely relate.
I know at least 5 friends of mine going through this problem. And what's truely tragic is that they WON'T leave. They have other options, but they love their abusers to much to move. I think you capture the situation well in this poem. On a technical point, some of your ryhming seemed forced, but I think self expression is more important then standardized regulations. Ah well, do as you will, put your heart into it, and no one has the right to criticize you.
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good work
(curtsey) Greetings m’Lady; this is beautifully written an I enjoyed the talent you display. The emotional imagery is wonderful and so sad, it hurt me to read it but you ended it with a feeling of hope. Your structure is nice using an abcb quatrain. A few nit picky points: “brung” isn’t a word “brought will work. Also some of your rhymes are forced like “go” and “through” but I have a free gift for you to help with that, there is a free rhyme machine here: http://www.rhymezone.com . You are a great poet and I’m so proud to have you in our group. Love, Amera
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