I'm over loving drug addicts, pill poppers, and alcoholics.
No longer will I feed their addictions,
be their emotional battering rams.
For years I've watched my future go down the drain.
With each pill my husband snorted,
each shot my lover took.
Every time my papa called my heart lurched,
I feared it would be the last time we spoke.
Every man I've ever loved,
has loved his addictions more.
So I turn to you my lord, my moon, and my stars.
On my knees, my heart can't take anymore.
These days I wander through,
so bleak all I have left is you.
Before my faith was weak,
blurred by my love of my demons of addiction.
My heart whipped and beaten.
Until it retreated so deep within,
I no longer loved myself.
For days I walked, months I paced.
Everytime they turned to me, I turned away,
unable to take anymore broken promises.
Eventually, I ended up beside the sea.
As the sound of the surf washed over me I began to weep.
I raised my face to the sky,
let my sorrow overtake me.
In that moment I felt your hand on my shoulder.
Slowly my pain eased as my tears ran dry.
That turning point, so many days ago I've lost count,
feels like yesterday.
Every dawn since I've knelt,
offered you my love as you've taught me to love myself.
No longer do I feel guilt or pain.
I will always love my demons of addiction.
But with you there to guide me,
I'm strong enough to stand and softly say,
"no more".
Author notes
this is basically a decription of the life of someone that enables addicts. we are eternally tied together.
A contest entry
- Your Perspective on Addiction/Alcoholism/Homelessness by aslanlight.
600 points, ended February 13, 2007, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The secret of the lord by Elvenfairy.
500 points, ended February 19, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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this was a very spiritual story. It really makes one stop and think. Thanks for entering my contest. Please feel free to check out the group.
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This poem has so much beautiful truth in it. I also used to always be in relationships with addicts and alcoholics. It's what I grew up in too. The pain and abuse were destroying me. Ten years ago, the L-rd rescued me and my children from that destructive cycle. I was really able to relate to this poem. It's always beautiful to see someone else whom the L-rd has delivered from that life that was a living hell.
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Eye opening
This is a perspective that I wanted to hear. As addicts we arn't aware that we're hurting anyone but ourselves but then we get clean and in hindsight realise all the damage we've done. I'm sorry for all the pain I caused and sorry that you had to suffer so badly. I hadn't given much thought to enabling being an addiction so thanks. Think it'll be helpful for my assignment.
Love, peace & light
Georgia -
Both sides...I fortunately have ben on both sides, I have lived with the alcoholic and I have been the alcoholic/druggie and only by the grace of God did I set foot on the journey to recevery. I say, fortunately, because I have no regrets, only Life Experiences...and I have made amends to those I have hurt and continue to make amends...at least for today.! and thats all I ask for..today! Good Luck to you and thanks for this exceptional story of the pain and anguish we put our loved ones through...lest we never forget!
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I also look at them as life experiences. They have made me stronger. Never would I have been able to write like this if I hadn't started to learn myself. In the beginning this piece was hard to share but as I saw people relating to it, I was happy that I opened myself and my pain up to my fellow writers.
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Yes lovely truth spoken only by the grace of God may we truly recover, only with the strength God give me can I say no "just for today"
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Is what I tell my papa everytime he calls feeling the itch. Pray about it and call me anytime you need to and I'll always answer. I will be there for him on his road of recovery.
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Yes , some of us do change, but I understand that we hurt our loved ones along the way... Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic... Blessings and best wishes,
Frogz~ -
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I agree that some do change. Everyone changes as life moves forward. Unfortunately some of the men in this piece haven't been able to make their amends to God and continue on their paths. On a better note my papa, my hero, is on his eternal path to recovery and bless everyone who thinks they want a shot at life and are willing to try.
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So I turn to you my lord, my moon, and my stars.
On my knees, my heart can't take anymore.
I love this! Im sorry I was usually the user and abuser. Some of us do change. -
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change is always for the better. This may have been about the chemistry between users and enablers. Even when the actual people change their habits, sometimes the chemistry, co-dependency, tends to remain. Always influencing the relationship, compare it to marriage where one person is enlightened but the mate is so used to responding in a specific way that the problems remain.
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