This world we live in feasts upon injustice
When a man can starve in a land of plenty
And die in the street like an old stray dog
This society we’ve become accustomed to
Allows a young child to just go and corrode
While others live in the ultimate luxury
It sickens me that I too live like this
I can barley sleep with such knowledge
But then again I probably deserve it
Late at night I go and light a cigarette
As it burns it allows me to think
How many died to make it for me
If heaven was made for suffers in life
Then I’m going to hell’s deepest circle
And I will be there for quite a while
Freely I can feel love hate and opinions
Others may be tortured for such things
Which make my freshly cut blood run cold
This is my confession before it’s too late
Before I breathe my very last breath
I’m sorry I lived and died in this filth
A contest entry
- Blasphemous Rumours by Exodus.
500 points, ended February 5, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - give me something deep by Poetic Drug.
360 points, ended April 2, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Cries of Society by bloved.
450 points, ended July 11, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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this was great...you saw what is wrong with the world...and kinda blaimed youself[of course not...its all of our faults]
My fav. line:
"If heaven was made for suffers in life
Then I’m going to hell’s deepest circle
And I will be there for quite a while"
This was intersting...but very thoughtful...made me think about how we live..
thanks for entering and good luck
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this shows all the injsutice in the world very good and it really showshow un fair the world is thank you for your entery
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Wow. Your words are so potent. They really demand that the reader stop and take a look around, honestly open their eyes and SEE that kind of a world we live in.
All that said I did ask for capitalisatin as well as punctuation, something that is completely lacking in this piece.
Other than that the only fault I found was when I read "Late at night I go and light a cigarette/As it burns it allows me to think/How many died to make it for me" the first thing that came to mind was "don't smoke them then". But maybe that's just my cynical side ^.^ -
Seems like recognizing the world's shortcomings is one step and writing about them for other's to behold is another, maybe heaven isn't about all we did, but rather what we tried to do....just a thought
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