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Last minute admittance

so here i am about die and know that it is so

i wonder what your thinking now that i am letting go

 

why are you still standing there just looking at my eyes

i want to do just one last thing before your big surprise

 

i look at you with tears abrupt and eyes about to close

smile and just flip a wink and tap you on your nose

 

listen close as i tell this story of a man of death

i try to start the sentence now but mumble with my last breath

 

goodbye cruel world and hello hell i hope you serve me true

on my bed of death and fate my mumble makes it through

 

your the one that killed my soul and shattered my glass heart

i tried to laugh and keep my pain away from the very start

 

you shot me down and left me weak as though you only knew

as i lay just dying here with the words you know are true

 

"Take this rose, its a surprise, i hope you like them black,

if you dont just walk away, Im never coming back"

 

Author notes

this is what i think my death experiance would be like,,,, and what would be going through my head... its good i think.. i dont know.. let me hear your opinion

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

  • She Stole My Voice
    September 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a fantastic rhyming piece.
    Usually rhyming poetry makes me want to vomit,
    but this is well written and it doesn't sound forced.
    It also flows nicely.
    Thank you for entering. ♥

    -Rainbow.


  • queenie
    February 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i am partial to that line.....hello hell i hope you serve me true.it has such conviction in it.this is a very well written piece.the flow was really good.my best to you.


  • FlipperSwitch
    January 22, 2007

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    goodbye cruel world and hello hell i hope you serve me true---for some reason I absolutely love this line, I also am in love with the way you ended this. Great poem of darkness, bitter sweet.