Beauty in the Breakdown

I suck the melancholy through the filters of my fathers
And the icy rain parades around my face
In this case it is my doing
This aloneness is my choosing
Let me feel the whips of disappointment on my arms
I am wailing through the streets
A silent martyr for the god of self-destruction
And my friends look at me, say ‘what a letdown’
They’re holding sunshine out to me and I turn it away
I’m breathing in my own hopeless bouquet
And the smoke pours from my lips
Because there’s beauty in the breakdown

Prostrate before you, glorify you, empty like the shell
Of Lucifer and Gabriel when they were sent to hell
I’m raw in my grasping for you
Raw in my coldness towards you
Raw and the need runs out my eyes
Big surprise!
When he cries, it’s not for sadness it’s for joy
He’s found his liquid gold that’s unalloyed
My tears for you are hollow now
You know you cannot follow now
Cuz I’m in love with this
J’aime toujours être triste
And there is nothing wrong with me but art
I feel the stab of beauty in my heart
And you can comfort me, but it’s only sound
It echoes in my brain
And I cling to all my pain
And I’d fall for you again
Because there’s beauty in the breakdown

My hands are white as paper
And my mind is twisting vapor
There’s nothing on the page in front of me
Some have loved their lives because of me
Why can’t I commit it into song
Is it wrong?
Can it be I could not sing it all along?
In these hands I hold 88 magic wands
With which I can cast hundreds of epic songs
But my reservoir is empty
I can feel it touch my spirit
I can bend my ear to hear it
It roars!
It’s burning in the belladonna wars
I’m closing all the doors because I’m gone
I’m through
I’m over you
Shake my hands and leave me to melt away
Maybe you’ll read my novels another day
And I see nothing but gods when I look around
In case you couldn’t tell, I’m scared of gods
I’m scared I’ll never warrant their applause
And this is madness, I’m aware
But this is what can get me there
And I rip myself to shreds
Because there’s beauty in the breakdown