The legend of you lingers still
Deep within this skin and bone palace
Deep within the folds of fleshy suffering
You once lay.
You gave me hope when there was none
Made me smile
Make plans of how you would look
How your soft skin would smell
How my thoughts played tricks on me
Each flutter
Each stirring within me
Heralded you
And yet you had already left
Already gone to that place no one knows
Where the souls of those not born reside
Awaiting their new home
I miss you
Even though I never held you in my arms
Even though I never saw your face
Sleep little one and await my everlasting love.
A contest entry
- #4 Losing a loved one. by xox-lankan-xox.
500 points, ended March 13, 131 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This is really old, I see, so perhaps my comments are in vain. Perhaps not. Anyway, I enjoyed reading this; you have some good lines and the foundation of something that could be mind-numbingly fantastic if you do a little polishing.
"The legend of you lingers still
Deep within this skin and bone palace
Deep within the folds of fleshy suffering
You once lay."
This stanza is my favourite; I'm quite jealous of the opening line, which is effective and gripping. The repetition of "deep within" feels awkward, as the phrases are placed right next to each other, but "skin and bone palace" completely redeems it.
"Each stirring within me
Heralded you" is equally good.
The rest of the poem isn't as powerful or reliant on imagery, and didn't scream originality like the parts I singled out. Still, it's effective poetry from a difficult time, it seems. A good write, overall.
-Cristina -
Chills
I didn't realize I'd been neglecting your writing so much. This is beautifully haunting, Niclet. I especially like the line "Deep within this skin and bone palace". . . it's so deep and heartfelt and
but I love it. Anyway, hope to talk to you soon.
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Wow, Niky, wonderful write, I liked these lines :
Already gone to that place no one knows
Where the souls of those not born reside
Awaiting their new home
Have missed your work (and you!)
Love,
Adriana
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wow
hey Niky..great work. your so talented. sorry its been so long since ive read your work. your an amazing writer, i wish i would write like you.
keep it up -
bangin
that was some hot stuff girly.
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hey gurl i missed ya... havent been part of the community in a while i kinda forgot who i was for a lil while. but im back again. had to go threw them natural phases of life.
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wow
this poem is so full of emotion and so heart felt. you did an amazing job on this. i miss you lots. hope everythings going good for you
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Thank you for taking the time to enter this contest and the best of luck to you.
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awww how sweet i sepecally liked the way you eneded it its such a loving poem i can see the meaning though you really got the emotions there well done xxx
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You have put so much emotional description into these lines.I feel the pain and sorrow of your words. I read the last stanza and for me this says it all and people really dont understand how you carry this thought with you and every now and then it takes over....this to me is one very beautiful post full of love which i understand completely. thank you for the pleasure of this read.Brillliant and beauitful Good luck in the contest
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Heartbreaking
This is very sad and touching. I usually dont like poems like this but I love this one. For some reason the way you worded it all was very moving. Good write. It was very enjoyable.
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This is Kat, btw.
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*hugs*
I really can't say what this made me feel, but I really wish I could give you a hug right now. -
Speechless heartbreak
This is beautiful...
It shows a mother's love even without the birth - The Herald
The poetic words make a dazzling picture and a sad thought brought to us all - Chicago's New Magazine
I like it a lot - Blunt Blonde Magazine
There isn't a soul who could write something as beautiful unless they themselves experienced it - New York Times
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