the phone rang:
spluttering
its way into a silent
room, without
breaking
the moon any further
but it fell
on empty sofas
and breathless
balloons
lost
in the remains
of happiness
Author notes
yea, I haven't writen a lot recently.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Humm
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a good poem even if it is short.
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i love you.
this is beautiful.
perfect.
and you are too.
i miss you so much... <3 x
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it's simple.
yet so complex.
all in one.
&& i love it. -
this is cool, i like the way you take moments or snapshots, call them wha you will, and describe them. Not sure what it means totally but in my head its kind of like waht remains after a party, you know when everyone leaves and your jsut alone with like empty bottles and everything..no? lol, my mind beign strange again!
well done anyway, despite my babble it really is very good
xxxx
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This poem is a good snapshot and I do like the images a lot.
"breaking
the moon any further" I really like this part. -
loveee
i absoultly love short poems. this was no exception. i dearly love the images as well. thankiee for sharing <3
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love this jess...
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Wonderful like always Jess.
~Mary -
Well I like it I've felt the spluttering of the silence and I think th empty sofa relates, the state of being alone... the flow is not broken great job..
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Not a bad piece at all. Pretty good to be able to say so much in so few lines. I would remove the ' in sofa's because the sofa is not owning anything. Other than that nice write...
Thank you for the entry
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ah, yes. Good point, sorry, I'm very tired lol.
Hmm.. I'm not too pleased with this piece, it doesn't really mean anything. I'll work on it.
Thanks trina. x
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