It was always you and me
against the world.
You were my lifeline
and my hand to hold.
This love for you is killing me,
I need peace from the pain
and heartache you set upon me.
I sink to my knees
confused by the vast emptiness
that has consumed my existence
while I look out upon
the unfamiliar landscape of my life.
Lifeless fingers attempt to mend
the rift in my heart but
the stark cold leaves me lost, insecure
and unable to function with any purpose.
My breath comes in sobs
that shatter the silence.
A knife of betrayal has sliced
through the tender spot of my heart
and death is stalking my soul.
My eyes flutter closed.
I don't want to do this anymore,
the fight has left me weak.
Psychosis sets in
keeping me company in my last hour.
My last lucid thought
before death consumes my heart
is of you and how just one embrace
would have saved my heart
from dying...
A contest entry
- Broken Hearted and Lost loves by Lillian Rose.
600 points, ended July 25, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me feel..... by LivingxXxProof.
380 points, ended December 28, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
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i like this a lot. good job. I don't get on here much... I haven't put anything new on here either. just haven't had time to write much. i do appreciate the nice comment you left on one of my poems. I invite you to read more of my work as I read more of yours. again, great job
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Great Job
This is an excellent write, if its any indication of what you have been through with men, I hope you find one worthwhile. Sad poem, how heartbreak can feel like its own death.
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I liked how you compared heartache to death of your heart in this write. It's amazing how much a heartache can really hurt. I liked this write, the flow was good. The beginning was strong but I kinda feel like the ending was a little weak. I still liked it though. Thank you for entering my contest and best of luck to you!
Casey
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It's so crazy how when we are heartbroken we just feel like we are dying, how we just couldn't possibly go on. Don't know what it is about love that does it to us, maybe it's not meant to be known. But the one wonderful thing about life, especially if you have children, is that after you get over the initial shock of your loss, it's ok. Eventually it is ok.
This is such a heart breaking emotional write, very beautiful, very sad.
whisper
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You have the most deep feelings pouring from you pen that I feel the pain and the sorrow. Great write!
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wow, i hope this is not for real, in your own life and that your Muse is just spinning...hopefully, this is deep and thught provoking, dark, splendid feelings and is that not what we all wish for at that last moment...excellent...
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That is so deep . I hope its just a poem and not reality. But i think not. A great poem, but so sad.
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I am saddened that I have not been taking the time to read your work.. you are a great poet. I loved the flow of this.
It is sad that sometimes love can harden our hearts or make them shrivel up and die in your case... but somehow we mend and move on. Keep your head up hon. You will do just fine. You are strong and focused and I know you can do it!!
Love,
~Krys~
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My last lucid thought
before death consumes my heart
is of you and how just one embrace
would have saved my heart
from dying...
I love... the way you write
very deep an descriptive.
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There is a whole lot of sadness and emotions captured within the lines of this poem - you've expressed yourself very well!
Best of luck in the contest
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That was very good . So much emotion.. And hurt and sadness. Very good
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It's a very dim, but action-packed psychological journey and it is so well-written. Bravo.
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Beautiful poem, I like all of it but I'll just pick out a few lines and tell you what I think
"Lifeless fingers attempt to mend" ~ gives me the image of you looking for your heart and struggling to mend it.
"the stark cold leaves me lost, insecure
and unable to function with any purpose." ~ Gives me the image of you alone in a corner, in the dark, wishing someone was there.
"My last lucid thought
before death consumes my heart
is of you and how just one embrace
would have saved my heart
from dying... "
^ Just love that stanza
Beautiful
PS. This is my longest comment I've given someone.
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Lifeless fingers attempt to mend
the rift in my heart but
the stark cold leaves me lost, insecure
and unable to function with any purpose.
My eyes flutter closed.
I don't want to do this anymore,
the fight has left me weak.
Psychosis sets in
keeping me company in my last hour.
I know this feeling ... It can be downright consuming...
It helps to sink you deeper into an oblivious pit
of self~destruction.... with a shot of poison to the mind of reasoning, shattering the peace and causing undescribable anguish.
But there is always Hope, Love and the knowledge that dreams can come true if we work hard at turning the dream into a reality...
Hmmm..... That comment is way too deep.... I'm going to go hide in the fridge now...lol.
Jeffro
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Wow, this is a very beautiful poem it is filled with such emotion, i loved it from beginning to end. Keep up the excellent work. ~Angel
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god damn. this is good. i esspecially like the last three stanza type thingies...
"My breath comes in sobs
that shatter the silence.
A knife of betrayal has sliced
through the tender spot of my heart
and death is stalking my soul.
My eyes flutter closed.
I don't want to do this anymore,
the fight has left me weak.
Psychosis sets in
keeping me company in my last hour.
My last lucid thought
before death consumes my heart
is of you and how just one embrace
would have saved my heart
from dying..."
very good. keep it up.
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Great.
Glad to hear they were just random thoughts and musically inspired. What strong words and what a powerful poem. This was really great to read and I loved the emotion that flowed so strongly out of this. Great write. -
Excellent
The word craft is good
The emotion of this is what makes the work so powerfull
The same love that sends us to the heavins
also dooms us to dispair. I feel for you in this
Well written
Rick
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This is very sad. What song inspired you to write this? I like how you, at the beginning, foreshadow that someone had already died or left. You really bring it around to show all of your sadness. I like how you make it seem as if it were not you being sad, but rather your heart. A very nice write, thank you for entering.
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WOW..This was so dymanic and really pulled at my heart. I can feel the pain and anyone who has loved and lost would feel it too. The longing can be unbearable at times, but we do get over it. Be well.
Soulful Woman
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very very good. i enjoyed this poem. i can relate to so much in this piece it is scary. wonderful descriptive words make this a very enjoyable read. thanks for posting it. perhaps you might enjoy some of my poems. check them out sometime if you like.
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i liked it alot, i thought it was quite pretty!
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i liked it alot, i thought it was quite pretty!
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My last lucid thought
before death consumes my heart
is of you and how just one embrace
would have saved my heart
from dying...
heartbreaking , but breathtaking all at once ... excellent piece ..every line on point here... you convey each nuance of emotion just as you are feeling it ..I must admit sadly that I too knew of this aching feeling once , all too well ... good job -
I liked the ending of the poem a lot! the structure changes a lot which confused me a little, but I think it gives the poem some originality too. overall a really good poem that i enjoyed reading
"Lifeless fingers attempt to mend
the rift in my heart" loved that part too. -
Great job on this poem, I loved how you used words that weren't always so commonly used. I also liked how you expressed your emotions in this. Keep up the great work.
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Great job on this poem, I loved how you used words that weren't always so commonly used. I also liked how you expressed your emotions in this. Keep up the great work.
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HERE HERE!
I felt the exactly same way your poem really captured what I was feeling at that time in my life. Your poem was just beautiful and really powerful and just well written all around. The first stanza just starts out as sort of Bonnie and Clyde. and the worst just spills over into the death of your heart and it's just wonderful and lovely. Great Write!!! -
Nicely done
This is a sad poem of a situation so many of us have endured yet so few are prepared to admit to. The poem has great imagery that enhances the read the rhythm and flow is fluid and unforced.
Let the ink flow and your fingers dance.
Rosemary -
deep
powerful raw emotions bleeding onto your page, crying blood from a broken heart. Very deep with a nice flow to it, a very nice dark read!! -
wow for random thoughts, this sounds a lot like emotions that are surfacing from a troubled heart that has been broken. I enjoyed the read and the flow , rhyme and rhythm are quite good! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings and best wishes!
Frogz~ -
the words you've written, seems most likely to me grown deep in your heart, truth rooted internally.
the depth of the hurting, wounds bleeding desires
steam rolled the reality, quenched emotional fires
rudolf
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VERY COOL
I've felt this way before. This poem is very very cool. Actually it would be classified as awesome. Great work here very great work. I'm looking forward into viewing some more of your work. Once again great great work!! -
the fourth stanza really struck me... the image of lifeless fingers mending was something i could really connect it. Like when your fingers are so cold and numb that you cant control them enough to do tedious things.
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Beautiful
A truely beautiful piece of writing Nicole. So many heartfelt, painful sentiments that I can relate to!
"while I look out upon
the unfamiliar landscape of my life." - I really like that line for the soul reason that I've often looked at my own life at times as unfamiliar or detached from myself. The whole thing was wonderfully written and I hope whatever pain you feel doesn't last for long! Thanks for all your support and encouragement!
your Irish friend,
~Avalin~
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My last lucid thought
before death consumes my heart
is of you and how just one embrace
would have saved my heart
from dying
It is truely a heartfelt write revealing the trtuh of the heart and showing the pain in beautiful poetic journey here...There is a universal cry and that is why it deals with love and if you are dealing with love the cry is there always..the magic of this poem is that it reflets its all the light which have been focused to light to show the heart and the area which have not been enlighted and kept in the dark purposely is also telling its content and that is again a wish for the love time and time again till end and that is the beauty of this great write of the great poet here..bravo...
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Wow almost left me speechless!
I'm so glad that this wasn't done to you! I understand the feelings behind this one. For I felt like this when my love made my world fall apart and did nothing to stop it. I still feel that I am not wanting to have another relationship again. My heart died that I left.
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Wow, almost speechless!
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Wow
Geeez, this was heart tugging. You really spilled raw emotions out on this one and captured my attention from line one. Just makes me want to offer you a hug! Only time heals, you know that right. You penned your thoughts beautifully and left me feeling your sorrow in the end. Excellent work! Always, a pleasure to read! ~Tia
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Chilling
Which song inspired this write? It left me with a cold feeling in my heart for you. I just want to tell you, you never let the one who breaks your heart hold the power of destroying your being... Never let go of the control... I love you sweets.
Tonya
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It was one of those mixed CDs that I made and have been listening to for hours... I don't think I could ever give up the control I have over myself but this kinda just fell out of my pen this morning. Weird...
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I reeally like this, good luck in the competition
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