'Baby just hold me,
Simply control me,
Because your arms,
They keep away the loneliness,"
Let's spend this night together,
Please don't ask of me to love,
Just do what you want tonight,
Lose control with me as you wish,
Don't ask me for what I can't give,
Just work with what we have now,
When I'm alone with you I let go,
I let you inhale all power from me,
'Baby just hold me,
Simply control me,
Because your arms,
They keep away the loneliness,"
Please don't ask me to love you,
I want you to use me and enjoy it,
Wrap me in your world so I can't breath,
The only place I have no control over me,
Your strong hands around my neck,
Your soothing voice and manly touch,
Releasing my frustration and sadness,
You let me fight till I'm all limp,
'Baby just hold me,
Simply control me,
Because your arms,
They keep away the loneliness,"
I fall apart in your arms freely,
I know you love me baby but no,
Don't ask of me or I'll disappear,
I was hurting now I'm stronger,
Can't let you into my world now,
I won't risk the hurt yet again,
Just work with what we have now,
You'll always have this part of me,
'Baby just hold me,
Simply control me,
Because your arms,
They keep away the loneliness,"
Author notes
Verse from a song by Alicia Keys -
'Baby just hold me,
simply control me,
because your arms,
they keep away the loneliness,'
A contest entry
- ANYTHING! by Beating.
1300 points, ended September 13, 2007, 103 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I like this. you did a great job writing this.. i could hear the beat and melody while I read it. I love it! Congrats on the HM! keep up your amazing work!
Crimson -
wow. Which Alicia Keys song is that? Weird that I don't recognize it, I love her music.
Anyway... I loved this piece. You really had my thoughts wander into a dream while reading this. Lust and love, as the other commentor said - you portrayed this so well. Great job! -
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It's one of the intro ones on the first album. Songs in A minor. Thankyou so much for your comment. Much appreciated
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This is a great tribute to lust and love.
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This is a good poem, and I really like it. I like how you used those lyrics in there it reall strenthened the poem. Thank you so much for your good entry.
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Wow I realy like the lyric hook and I do have to agree that it does remind me a bit of another song. I cn't think of the artist, but it is catchy.
Much enjoyed
Shadows -
reminds me of another song..spending the night together. Very nice.
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Hello and welcome to my contest. Being that the contests are now 'blind' and I don't know who wrote them, I can no longer read people's poetry and note their progress from one contest to the next. Also, I will then need to use my disclaimer part of reviews, for those who have never recieved a review before, as I don't know if you're new or not. (unless I happen to recognize your style of writing and know who it is)
You're welcome to put your name in your author notes, if you're one of the ones that likes me to note your progress in your writing.
"The original disclaimer":
~I feel it necessary to tell people unaccustomed to me, a little something about my personality. And that is, I'm inclined to be bluntly honest. Not mean, just straight forward about the impressions your piece left me with and suggestions I might have. You are not obligated to change a thing. But it is always wise to at least take them into consideration.~
That being said, let's move onto your piece. So yeah, it's always good to have inspiration of some sort, when you write something. I see here, that you had a song in mind when you wrote this.
I think that too, your poem reflects the sentiments of that part of the song. However, I often find, that if you want to quote something, it's best to only do it once, or just to put it in your author notes. The reason being, that anything said more than once, tends to lose it's effectiveness.
Another thing I could think to suggest for this poem, is that you might want to take some of your lines and replace them with metaphor or some strong and unique images. The words in this are ok, but I would like to see somethings that I wouldn't have thought before.
Each person has their own ways of thinking about things and that should be reflected in your work. Show your world, more than telling about it. That way, I can see it with you.
Hope this helps. Thanx for coming to play~ -
woooooowwww!!!!!
nicely done, love the way you have elaborated on the verse, alicia keys rocks!!
i cant fint my songs in a minor cd
poo...
any way awesome write as usual, your work has improved so much!
love it!
love ya!!!
mwah
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awwwww
Thanks honey! awwwwwwww i know how it feels i don't have all my CD,s anymore! It's kool you'll find it lol!!!!!!!
Love you honey,
Truth (aka Lil)
and for the little one
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