Alice
I am cast down so deep in my own sorrow,
Only my own shadow knows where to find me.
For I am hidden in a well of darkness and despair.
Hiding from my own fate, knowing it is to be alone.
I have walked down many roads paved with sadness.
But never one as long as this road seems to be.
For yesterday and today I have loved you completely.
And tomorrow I will love you still, foolishly I know.
You have filled up my head, I can think of nothing else.
You have filled up my heart, it can barely keep its rhythm.
With each painful truth my heart skips yet another beat.
And now at last with all truth spoken, my heart breaks.
Spilling out the love that I have for my beloved.
I try to hold it in, not wanting to lose my joy.
But my love pours out like a bursting dam.
Washing away every memory that we shared.
Flooding me with utter torment.
Slowly my heart dies, drowning in sorrow.
One final beat that calls my love’s name.
Then silence, for my heart has stopped.
You see with out you, I am dead.
Author notes
I love this poem, it is my personal favourite. I love this poem so much because it was the first thing I ever wrote. This poem is about my first girlfriend (ex) and how after two years she suddenly broke up with me for no apparent reason, other than she was cheating on me. Oh well. My favourite thing about this particular piece is the first two lines. Thank you and good luck judging the contest.
-chris-
no.2
Written June 5th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Love's a pain in the ____!!!! by NotColdHearted.
350 points, ended October 28, 2006, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 68 of 68
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hey..i really like this write. And it makes me sad but i have to tell you. I kinda wanted the raging anger type thing. I've had so many sad moments and read, written and heard so many sad things that now I wanna be mad or laugh. It was a great write but the wrong contest. Although I really liked it..great write and I applaud you.
Chealsy
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I am honoured. Thank you for such a lovely comment!! Best of luck!!
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what a great piece.
I really like the ending:
Then silence, for my heart has stopped.
You see with out you, I am dead.
Great job on the poem, thank you so much for entering my contest and good luck.
Kankainiku
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Cheers
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I agree that the first two lines are the absolute best part of the whole poem. the writing in its entirety is heartfelt, and you really portrayed that well, i'm just sorry you had to go thru such a heart break to produce such amazing poetry. kudos!
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thank you very much! I'm blushing
-chris- -
brilliant I'm adding you so far i love your work excellent xxx
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This is amazing.. I love it! It is really sad yet so beautiful!
Thanks for entering! Goodluck!
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thank you very much for such a lovely comment!
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Excellently written
The similes the methaphors, the pain. You've done an excellent job at creating this piece. Pain inspires such becutiful creations, I can see that all you endure with your girlfriend was poured into this piece. Love the way it flows and I totally love the ending. I can relate to loving someone and even though you are not together you know no matter what you will still love them. -
Amazing, Chris. Really. It gave me shivers. Thats a good thing. Good luck in the contest!
Honkeycorn <33 -
Thank you for sharing this deeply personal piece. The pains of lost love are a great inspiration for the pen. You have a good one here. Thanks for entering.
Toltec Warrior -
This is a beautiful poem. I can tell it came straight from your heart.
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The first thing we write does seem to always have a certain special place in our hearts. This is a remarkable first piece, strait from the heart.
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thank you very much for the lovely comment
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Sincere writing
There is an age old sage belief that hopefully from every sorrow comes something positive. I'd say your heartbreak leading you to finding expression in poetry is a positive. Well penned for a first poem in tribute to your beloved Alice. -
A nice write but it wouldn't fit into the book.
Sorry but no. -
Hey I agree with that. I've felt that way before and believe me it's not a good feeling. The well of darkness and the road paved with sadness is what my life's been like for many years. This one relates to me big time. I liked how you worded this one and it flows really good. Keep it up and I want to read even more and I probably will later today. Keep them coming.
~Willie~ -
Aaaw, so sad. my name is alice btw so it made me appreciate this poem even more. lol. this is so pretty though, made me want to cry. i felt the same was no long ago and i hate it. now i'm ok, thank goodness!
~@|ice -
This is really good. Thank you for entering my contest.
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thank you for the lovely comment. Btw "dust in the wind" I love that song
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oh my god. this is so deep, and it made me want to cry. I remember feeling this once but I learned that time goes on and the heart does heal and you will once again love someone worth your love. Just wait and see.
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Very nice work, lots of feeling.
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Great poem. This very well penned with deep imagery. Haley27
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this is woderful, the metaphores are beautiful ilove it! the line about the bursting dam washing away all of your memmories is the best part. great write, i will have to look at more of your work.
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Excellent
Great poem! Way to enter the scene with a poem like this. I loved it -
***.7
For a first pome, this is really good. There are a few lines here and there which are weak. Namely, the last line. The idea of the last line is dandy, but the wording seems a little too soft for what you are saying. It should be very final, but it fades out a bit too smoothly. I can't explain exactly what I mean, but I hope you gather a gist. -
cheers mate
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I really liked this, good luck in the contest.
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Very poignant, very nice job! I really felt moved by this piece...good luck in the contest!
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im sorry, we have decided not to judge this, as you havent followed the rules.
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This poem, I know, comes from you heart. It is true love. Which it can not be broken even with 1,000 of the strongest swords in the world. I have a feeling that she does not that you still love her even when she does not love you. To tell you that truth, the same thing happened to me. They wanted me back so badly that they tried everything in the book to get my attention. But it did not work for them. Well, this is a really good love poem. Keep on writing peoms.
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Very moving. I don't know what else to say. The emotion is so pure..
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Oh my! That is so wonderful! I love the emotion!it was overwhelmingly great!! I know this feeling all to well! The detail in this was magnificent! I love the word choice! You definately(can't spell) deserve the trophey!! Superb job!
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Wow this is just....WOW!!! Sooo perfect for this contest. Just loaded with raw emotions....and in so many ways I can relate to it. I am speechless!! THIS IS SOOO COOL! Thanks so much for sharing...and keep penning! Good luck!
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amazing zehnten, amazing!
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thank you very much
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This is a very touching poem. It makes me want to cry I'm not shure what else to say besides "Wow!"
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most excellent. i thought the title was odd mainly because it's my name lol. anyways, the poem was nice but the rythym(can't spell) seems a little off. then again, it might just be me. anyways, good luck in the contest and thanks for entering!
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Very good
This is truely beautiful Heartbreak is painful but life must go on. I am sorry you have had to go through this, just like I am sorry everyone has to go through this. This poem is great though. I enjoyed the feeling and thought you put into it. Good job. Thanks for entering and good luck!
~EMO~ -
the emotion in this piece is so strong, so pure, as if your heart were glaring at me from the screen. thank you for that. it is rare, even in love poetry.
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Wonderful write. Very descriptive and pure. There was much emotion expressed in different ways. It was full of feelings and pressure. Thank you for entering and good luck (Please follow all rules; before the contest closes) x
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This makes me feel wierd... kinda warm and cold at the same time, it honastly sends chills down my spine! I love it! Good luck, hope ya win!
<3 -
I like this.... but for some reason it seems oddly familiar, I think I have read this before and just didn't comment or something, but good job, I liked this overall.
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aww...that is absolutely wow omg its so sweet i am so touched by your words..i wish someone felt this way for me
lol but that is a great poem...so sweet omg you have a great way of writing...at first when i looked at your poem i thought it would be long but eventually all of the words kept sinking in and making me follow...its so great...hmm......yea i think this would mean alot to the person who you wrote it for...so it is true that anyone can only write a poem when they don't force it and if its about someone the really care about....aww...great poem!! and Good Luck!!. and if i could applaud this poem i would except im outa claps for awile but hope you the best of luck!!
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This poem leaves me breathless. It is a wonderful piece. I was still looking for words then.
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hmmm?
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hmm....
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This is so intense and so full of emotion. It was hard to drag my eyes away once I started reading. Great job. Thank you for the pleasureable read. Good luck in the contest.
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I am deeply impressed with this. Something just struck a chord, I think I might actually cry. Brilliant!
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thank you , it was my first poem ever written. And probably my favourite.
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I really like the flow of this poem, very interesting. Good luck in this contest, looks like I have some competition! Great job, and best wishes
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yay
well a lot of poeple have commented on this and i would think that anything i have to say would be just repeating everyone else. so all i am going to say is this was very well written and will make this contest hard for me to judge. good luck
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wow...touggh competion....this is beautiful...great job
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I read this because my name is Alice hehe...
It's beautiful. "You have filled up my head, I can think of nothing else. You have filled up my heart, it can barely keeps its rhythm." I love those two lines - I know how it feels to feel like that. Whilst it's a wondeful feeling, at the same time it's scary.
The emotion in this is almost tangible. It's amazing. A brilliant poem. Good luck in the contest!
Ali xx
Edited on Aug 28, 11:47 because '...'. -
wow this is amazing, great poem. lots of emotions. Great emotional peice
GReat job..
Much lovin
thanks fer entering my contest
Toodles, Danielle -
WOW....thats a VERY good poem....i really like it.....i know how that feels....good luck
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Wow, very powerful, and so many people feel this way... kinda sucks. I love the same lines every one else does ironically. they just stick out so well.
For yesterday and today I have loved you completely.
And tomorrow I will love you still, foolishly I know
just awesome job. keep it up and good luck
~squeekers, lord of the underworld squirrels~~ -
Pretty bloody terrific in my opinion - some great imagery there. Still, not really sure how it fits in with nonconformity. Great poem though.
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Very emotional write... not quite sure how non-conformity factors in, but I've never been able to spot the so-called "deeper meaning". anyway, one minor gripe - "with out" should be "without".
nice write
flamearrows -
Very nice....i see many others liked it as well...i could feel all the emotion through out the whole thing i especially liked the ending part
"Flooding me with utter torment.
Slowly my heart dies, drowning in sorrow.
One final beat that calls my love’s name.
Then silence, for my heart has stopped,
You see, with out you, I am dead."
it tied everything up so nicely well done -
wonderful job. as i can see, many people agree with me. the emotion in this just dripped off the page. i loved the lines:
For yesterday and today I have loved you completely.
And tomorrow I will love you still, foolishly I know.
very powerful and so full of truth.
great write.
-paige- -
great job =)
Wow really emotional. I really like it
For a first poem I think you did a awesome job, keep writing hun I really liked theses two lines
For yesterday and today I have loved you completely.
And tomorrow I will love you still, foolishly I know.
Thanks for sharing =)
Sarah
~*~Angel~*~
"If you love something set it free, if it returns it's yours forever, and if it doesn't hunt it down and kill it" -
Quite a painful and emotional write.......
I can understand how you favor it......We generally enjoy and re-read our first creation because we are so astounded with it.....I remember the first poem I wrote to myself.....I can still recite it word for word........
This was very sad, especially the last line.....We are only as dead as we allow ourselves to be.......We can all overcome lost loves.......We have to in order to love ourselves and then once again love someone else.......E xcellent show of emotion..... .Nice writing..... Lisa -
painful emotion carried to the reader...drawing them into the pit with you...a very good write
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good write, i liked the emotion in this poem especially at the end of it. well i am off to blow off steam, but that poem helped calm me down. thanks. hugs
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I liked this one. Most poems about heartbreak are too 'soppy' for my liking but this one was filled with more than just sadness. The dam simile was well thought up.
xXx -
Chris, this poem is very very emotional. You were forcing it all down, a well that was filling and filling, and when it explodes its not like water just dripping over the edge... its a flood you know. it seems to pour and pour and continue to build until you feel it pouring out your eyes, bleeding your soul and renting apart the tissue till there is nothign but bone... again, life can be a bitch.. *cuddles you* if it matters I like you just fine, you can crush on me
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