A walk along the beach.
So simple a thing
that led her
to the answers
of the mysteries
of the world
into which she was born
The change of the tides
showed her that life
has ebbs and flows
and that there are times
when the water will be plentiful
and times
when the water would barely cover the sand
The life
that crawled across the shore
taught her
That the world is a wide thing
with many different species
inhabiting it
And when those
species met
he was shown
that no matter how large the world is
meetings and interactions
are inevitable
and so the world seems small
When darkness falls
over the sand
she knows that life still teems
and it shows her
that no matter the time
life will continue
When she saw the dead carcass
of a fish on the beach
and she saw birds feeding on it
She knew
that with death
there was life
And when she saw
two birds fighting
over the carcass of another fish
she knew that life would never come
without struggle....
So simple a thing
as a walk on the beach
And she learned much of life
And even
of herself
A contest entry
- One day only. Come one, come all... by deadcolor dreams.
600 points, ended January 24, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think it was written on the fly
Comments
-
Pretty long, yeah, but a nice addition to my contest. Welcome.
My main issue with this- filler. Filler words, filler lines- all those unnecessary things, that just make the poem drag on. Another issue, is the vocabulary is a little less than spiced. Work on these two things, and you've got yourself a wonderful poem.
Out of fifty, this is a 39.
Thanks for entering, and good luck~
Lindsay

