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Déjà vu

 

Alone I stand, stopped for a moment, once again

Triumphant in the knowledge that I stand on my own.

 

 Nothing, but the air I breathe has motion

Stopped, I let out a sigh from deep within.

 

Hope surrounds me, with the possibility of your presence.

My special thoughts of you, spin around like a carnival carousel

I call out to you, but once again as always, you don’t reply.

 

Sunset begins to fall, as I watch from my wooden haven

Mountain peeks seeming to gently hold up the setting sun.

 

As I turn, I see you standing there, staring.

Is it really you, again I begin to wonder,

Or my mind, sending haunting images of you.

 

 

 

Author notes

Option #1 Picture
Option #2 Love
Option #3-Title-Déjà vu
Option #4 WORDBANK-moment, triumphant, breathe, sigh, possibility, special, around, carousel,sunset, Mountain.
OPTION #6-Hope

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Nicolette Everett
    November 13, 2007

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    When I think about the poem I think of beauty. I really like the picture a lot too. The concept is wonderful and really catching. Without the picture too, you can see the it your mind.
    Nice job!


    • freespirit51
      November 13, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Nicolette Everett

      Thanks so much for the very kind words you have expressed. Glad you enjoyed it.


  • storiesuntold gold member
    October 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Good write here

    Within the hope ones come to call


  • pattyann4500
    February 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you. Please accept my apology.


  • pattyann4500
    January 24, 2007

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    Oh, yes, this is much better. I love the background, and it looks wonderful now! Thank you. Hugs, Patricia


  • pattyann4500
    January 24, 2007

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    I'm impressed how you have taken five of the options and put them together so nicely. Your poem is very nice, and it flows well. I would say that your piece is close to perfect.

    Your presentation isn't bad, but I don't think the blue goes with the black and white picture, and I believe the poem could take some tweaking. Otherwise, I really enjoyed this. Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest. Hugs, Patricia

    Oh, I need to let you know that I mean no offense, and I'm not picking on you. I think there is always room for improvement, and I'd be doing you an injustice if I didn't bring those very minor issues up. Still a great job.


  • The.poet.of.hearts
    January 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    even the air I breathe has motion

    confusing part

    and actually you have missed you strangth fully in this poem
    hey where are you?????
    your work always so brilliant and so amazing
    but this one is not so beautiful
    a very normal work
    a simple poet can also do it
    sorry if you dislike my comment but evry time your poem give me alot to tell but this one didn't touch me at all
    by
    the poet of hearts and beautiful words

  • Mother Angst
    January 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    spooky!

    this is a spooky, seductive poem that hits just the right notes upon the heartstrings. great write!


  • JustADutchie gold member
    January 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely poem, but one suggestion, make the font size a bit smaller, then the lines won't show broken as they do now, whisch isn't a pretty sight.


  • apoeticinjustice gold member
    January 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    a beautiful write, that feeling of deja vu that haunts us and leaves us in wonderment...a very enjoyable read.

    As far a critique, there may be a few lines where a comma might help the reader pause in the correct place, and peeks should be peaks. Overall, a very good write. Well done.

    Rory


  • ImmaculateDesire
    January 20, 2007

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    What a beautiful poem in time for Valentine's Day. I just love the optimism in this write. I can relate to someone waiting for their love's return. We all do that sometimes. It is an anxious period of uncertainity and your poem does a wonderful job explaining that. Bravo!!! Good luck in the contest. I am sure you will do well. Take care. Thanks for sharing it with me.

  • Climbing2nothing
    January 20, 2007

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    this is cool... maybe some spaces between the lines would give it an extra moment of stillness feel, as it already has through some great lines ones such as 'nothing even the air has motion' gives the slow motion photo of de'ja'vu with great description, i myself have had the love of my life established by the such intensity of de'ja'vu and so with a empathetic tear i smile at the world going round on a cycle of such endless passion in your words well done

1 - 12 of 12