she gave me hesitation,
twined pause within my psyche
until reluctance wasn’t second-nature
but first, outwardly eager
as male.
my dichotomy, step-back and wait
learnt late in life where her submission
became my respect ~ bend-not-break
under constant toil
and separate bedrooms, for a decade.
she taught me how not to love –
passion is for those
skilled in freefall,
friends come and go quieter than one might think,
leaving less mark than leaf-fall
in autumn.
minutia eats lives, chomping time
into careful-sliced passages
marked with four different pens,
where a disaster steeped in plumbers
echoes ripples down the dates
and I see my future –
anonymous, greeting workmen
with cups of Lapsang Suchon
they will never drink.
(so I panic. Live for the name –
‘daddy’s light’ ~ deny,
brash and fleeting,
preaching evils of marriage
and never wondering –
if I had been her Christopher – )
Author notes
Christopher was the baby in my mother's womb - until I was born, that is. Although I'm told it took days to sink in. This was for Anasuya's contest (on 'mother' - if simplified) - but it grew. Ah well.
Also, minutia: single or plural?
In a list
A contest entry
- Your Best Poems by Lj-.
300 points, ended June 10, 2007, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - family member: mother or father by CarCrashHumor.
600 points, ended September 2, 2007, 33 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tell me why by astralshepherd.
450 points, ended October 16, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Thank you for taking the time to enter the contest, I appreciate your effort. While image laden, the images are disconnected and convoluted for me, the poem is (overall) good, but as far as meeting the contest prompt – falls short of the goal. The poem is strong, don’t get me wrong, it just did not seem to fit here in this contest. I did find myself lingering here long after the several readings and discovered a lovely gathering of sounds when read aloud. I am also impressed with your vulnerability in this personal expression. In the author notes I read of loss and sorrow, you have my condolences for your family’s loss. Blessings and best wishes, ~richard
1) Content 4
2) Originality 9.5
3) Flow 7.5
4) Word choice (vocabulary and/or rhyme) 9
5) Imagery 8.5
6) Grammar 8.5
7) Form 9
8) Spelling 10
9) Emotional Impact 6.5
10) Rumination factor (how well does the poem make me ponder) 9
.
astralshepherd’s completely subjective total score = 81.5
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lovely
wow such emotion great write xx -
extremely powerful.
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Very sad but definitely insightful and powerfully emotionally charged...Good piece here..
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(It's plural)
I like it. Strange. -
oh man how sad, that must be really hard, how could any mother care whether her child is male, female, big small, dark, light... none of that matters. Very sad, you wrote beautifully, the last line was my fav.
agape- cynt
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