The Swan
Did you too see it, drifting, all night, on the black river?
Did you see it in the morning, rising into the silvery air?
An armful of white blossoms,
......
Should you know what to do
when time is there, like the summer season falling in?
Would you recognize the deep colour of its beauty..
when the sun comes up?
Let your body smooth itself,
like the rose awakening in your garden
Just as you think it will never happen
then you will see, sometimes feel, its swishing drops
Do you enjoy this mirage feeling?
velvet petals upon your silken skin..
Always denied this softness is sweeter then its taste?
With these visions engross your every thought
the red colour blinds you..like the sun going down.
Just as you learn to see, the red glow shining..
how it grows in your fertile garden..
like the unfurling buds of the rose..
it surrounds you..
like the soft smell of grass on a summer breeze.
Do you see the rose bursting under the glow of the sunshine?
..and its warm red colour, as the sunset?
If the sun touched you, would you feel it?
If the rose garden was there, would you see it?
If this true love was yours, would you treasure it?
Author notes
Mary Oliver was born on September 10, 1935 in Maple Heights, Ohio. As a teenager, she lived briefly in the home of Edna St. Vincent Millay, where she helped Millay's family sort through the papers the poet left behind.
In the mid-1950s, Oliver attended both Ohio State University and Vassar College, though she did not receive a degree.
Her first collection of poems, No Voyage, and Other Poems, was published in 1963. Since then, she has published numerous books
Mary Oliver is a poet that writes her poetry filled with nature vieuws; shore birds, water snakes, the phases of the moon.All inspired by her walks near her home.Oliver has bin compared as "a patroller of wetlands in the same way that Thoreau was an inspector of snowstorms" and "an indefatigable guide to the natural world." Honors Oliver has received include the National Book Award (1992), the Pulitzer Prize (1984), and a Guggenheim Foundation Fellowship.
Oliver held the Catharine Osgood Foster Chair for Distinguished Teaching at Bennington College until 2001. She currently lives in Provincetown, Massachusetts.
My poem was inspired by The Swan.A lot of her poetry is filled with questions. I always like these questions in a poem.That leaves the reader something to think about...
Secondly;
1) She wrote about the moon. I chose the sun.
2) She used a lot of black. I chose red.
3) She described a swan. I chose the rose.
And all for the simple fact:
1) I am Wolf Mistress.
2) I love the sun more then the moon.
3) I love the red rose for its beauty.
The Swan
Did you too see it, drifting, all night, on the black river?
Did you see it in the morning, rising into the silvery air?
An armful of white blossoms,
A perfect commotion of silk and linen as it leaned
into the bondage of its wings; a snowbank, a bank of lilies,
Biting the air with its black beak?
Did you hear it, fluting and whistling
A shrill dark music..
like the rain pelting the trees..
like a waterfall
Knifing down the black ledges?
And did you see it, finally, just under the clouds..
A white cross streaming across the sky, its feet
Like black leaves, its wings like the stretching light of the river?
And did you feel it, in your heart, how it pertained to everything?
And have you too finally figured out what beauty is for?
And have you changed your life?
© Mary Oliver. From The Paris Review # 124, Fall, 1992
A contest entry
- AP Best of the Best: Finals by B Chandler.
1400 points, ended January 29, 2007, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Favourite Poet and You... by Thom Boulton.
300 points, ended July 23, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - This Heart Of Mine. by TheSpiralGenerator.
750 points, ended July 4, 102 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
if this true love was yours...would you treasure it?
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This is wonderful. I enjoyed how you wrote this oen. You have to keep writing. I think you have done great. Good luck in the contest.
Tabitha -
Thank you for your contest submission as well as for following the rules. A very touching write on love and nature, a unique tribute rewrite of a wonderful author. I was not aware she lived in P Town! WONDERFUL pic, lol I hope you dun mind I copied it hehe. Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e
Oh and yes, I do ahve and treasure my own true love! Every day we make sure to let each other know just how much in words and actions. -
this is a beautiful poem and the image reflects that. this was a great poem and thanks for entering and best of luck
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oh this is a beautiful poem and I can see why you finished so high
what lovely images, metaphors used, and use of language in this beautiful write a very enjoyable read congrats on the silver it is well deserved
Love and light,
Blaze
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Sensational
A truly remarkable piece of poetry here Wolf Mistress, you have gone into great depths with metaphors and the imagery you have given us is just so fantastic. Outstanding work was a pleasure to read
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Lovely wolf mistress, and the picture of the rose is beautiful.
I love to read your poems
Will be back to read more.
I wish you luck in this contest.
Demi
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Very enjoyabvle piece. It was a pleasure to read. Your images and metaphors were terrific. You did an all around marvelous job. Good luck in the contest.
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'…its warm red colour, as the sunset.'
insert 'a' between 'its' and 'warm'
As for the notes part...
Wow, okay, after ever period.You can't do this. You SHOULD do this. Another words- after your sentence you put the period:
I ate cheese. It tasted great.
Notice how "It" is a space after the period?
Hmmm I will revise it for you:
My poem was inspired by The Swan, made by Mary Oliver...the questions in the end were my full intention. I always like the questions in a poem. That leaves the reader to have something to think about....
Mary Oliver is a poet that writes her poetry filled with nature views, inspired by her walks near her home. Oliver has been compared as "a patroller of wetlands in the same way that Thoreau was an inspector of snowstorms" and "an indefatigable guide to the natural world." Honors Oliver has received including the National Book Award (1992), the Pulitzer Prize (1984), and a Guggenheim Foundation Fellowship.
She likes to write about the moon, that's why I chose the sun, because I am Wolf Mistress, and I love the sun more than the moon....
As for now.. I have to go. I hope this helps, and good luck in the contest.
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the metaphors use here are splendid ... what a lovely piece !! so serene and delicate in its meaning...smoldering in its passion ...Jeannette you astound me everytime love ... I am waiting to see what else you will add to this lovely work ... heart rendering piece here love!!!
luv
J
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excellent
I just love what you have done in this poem Jeannette. Your words create so many beautiful images and feelings for the reader. I especially like:
"Let your body smooth itself
like the rose awakening in your garden
Just as you think it will never happen
then you will see, sometimes feel its swishing drops
Do you enjoy this mirage feeling?"
Excellent write my friend!!
Ethereal Melody
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IU have to say thatb you caught the essence and even some of the cadence here very well. Though I have to agree a few typo corrections and maybe just whatever small editing you really feel you can use.
It really is a good work and does carry a simiar vibe as the poem it is derived from.
Just my thoughts
Shadows -
Do not reply
While the mimickery is well played out, your 'under constuction' summary has many spelling and grammar mistakes. Fix that. Moreover, is this entry completed OR still under construction? -
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I understand that this contest is held by you and you are looking for a specific piece ... what I see here is a beautiful write in the making , quite lovely infact ...
we all make mistakes hence her stating she is working on it still , maybe you will find many mistakes in my response to yours , so be it ...
I believe in being honest and sincere with everyone , but there is a way to do this taking many things into consideration , better yet without being abrupt or rude
just a thought
Jamila
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Let your body smoothen itself
" Let your body smooth it self."
A silken reaction...
A mirage of feeling,
then
drip drip drip
of velvet petals upon your silk skin.
I like roses. They're very sensual and romantic! but they can also be a curse and be a model for revenge!!!
Rosit
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