There’s a certain sensibility
that saves a soul from shame ~
when all the words start wandering
within a world-worn brain.
With a drowsy, dreamy feeling
you meander through the muck;
Sort, then salvage all the candor
while temporal things you chuck.
There’s a crazy sort of cognizance
that precipitates parole
from the lazy sort of ignorance
that’s sure to take its’ toll.
As you troll those muddy waters
let your conscience take the lead
making note how arcane interests
with their mystery intercede ...
When you seek asylum’s presence
don’t expect too many signs,
for the magic is what happens
as you loll between the lines ...
© 2008 Joy A. Burki-Watson
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Author notes
This poem previously won a silver trophy.
As per contest requirements - " I want to win"
A contest entry
- Window to the Soul by Shiro Okami.
600 points, ended January 30, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Beautiful minds....please enter. by islekine.
760 points, ended January 11, 27 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES THAT HAVE WON BRONZE OR SILVER ONLY by liquidmindforever.
400 points, ended May 31, 99 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Dazzling Darling
When you seek asylum’s presence
don’t expect too many signs,
for the magic is what happens
as you loll between the lines ...
Dear Poet,
Thank you for entering my contest: PREWRITES
FOR BRONZE & SILVER TROPHY WINNERS, ONLY
with your submission BETWEEN THE LINES.
Not trivial or trite write.
Blessings and best wishes
until then
stay
liquid
finalist
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Wow...
I wasn't ready for all of the wonderful entries!
This will be a tough contest to judge! Glad I have help!
Best wishes in the contest and always!
Write on!
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First two lines .... LOVE the alliteration . .. there is something about it that just rolls off the tongue. This is an interesting poem . . . it has a certain je-ne-sais-quoi that really makes it pop out to me
Good luck
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Has this kind of infinate rolling flow when you combine the words and rythem, the meaning is just incrediable. Great write.
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What is with me and that "wee?" Don't I know where the apostrophe and the "r" is on my keyboard? Weird
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I have spent my life lolling and that is why I find roses in crevices...and leave them there.
This takes me down several paths, daydreaming, automatic writing (write the first thing that comes into your mind, you know like what I always write)
and of course the traipsing down creativity's path.
Read between the lines, of course is the real meaning. Just had to play for a bit first.
You have captured readers (and writers) and my point I spoke about earlier that you didn't understand. Poor me.
There is so much going on in writing, in the head of the writer (as well as the reader.)
Also, so much of writing can be pared down, it's chaff when what we are after is the wheat. Toss out that effluvia, get to what's really going on. There are writers here who are adored who write nothing but a long series of nothing, just appearance. If I were to loll between the lines, I would not be able to breath, there is no air...no life.
And of course your poem could take so many other roads and I applaud you for that...we all get to loll between the lines.
Thanks, I'm glad I twisted your arm to send me the link.
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ichigosama
bravo!!!!!! your poem is so profound and mature in lots of ways. good luck in the contest! -
wow. that was beautiful. wonderfully penned.
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i like it!
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This is a thought-provoking write with a nice flow.
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I like this. it is simplistic, and yet so complex. Thank you.
Well done. -
Awesome!! I really enjoyed reading your poem this morning. Good luck in the contest. The most important stanza is:There’s a crazy sort of cognizance
that precipitates parole
from the lazy sort of ignorance
that’s sure to take its’ toll.
As you troll those muddy waters
let your conscience take the lead
making note how arcane interests
with their mystery intercede ...
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Beautiful! I enjoyed this piece very much you have great talent as a poet. I wish you luck in your contest. Well done.
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Excellent
A beautifully crafted piece that rings of truth and touches on the philosophical.Your analogy of magic between the lines is a valid one, however, many do not have the spiritual sight that is required in order to read what is written there.
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Excellent
This is damn good, Joy--head and shoulders above a lot of the stuff on this site. I really enjoyed reading this well-executed piece.
Bill
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inviting...
My take on your story is the soul can be personified by the forces of nature. Together with the seasons and the human temperaments, there is the doctrine of correspondences between respect someone's heart and the belief of man and his universe. The immaterial and incorporeal substance of the soul personnify the renaissance in universal order and the higher, active principles in relationships. Asylum is the human soul in harmony with the world's soul and it is not given to anyone to on the basis of this axiom to form their theory of love and conceived it as an artwork and a "stage" in the spiritual ascent toward God
It's a matter of nothingnes through a natural reconstitution of matter. Meanwhile, i am totally blissful with my bf. He has my wings A serene angel
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Oh damn it all, I thought I was going to be able to go through today without giving anyone three claps! This is damn good, head and shoulders above most of the rest of today's tosh. And I too spotted the affinity with "Mad Carew". I love the alliteration.
OK - someone had to do this... If any reader can find a reference on the internet to the parody of "Mad Carew" which starts:
"There's a green-walled gents urinal to the North of Camden tube,
There's another for the ladies further down..."
I would be eternally grateful.
{awards "les trois coups"}
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this is my type of poem,, diffrent,, and well to give something of your self.. loved it,, good wording,, great massage..
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Summer Eyes
The lapsus between summerise summerise, sum arise and summarize was most enjoyable Are you consciously or unconsciously emulating Rudyard Kipling in Mandalay and the parodies spawned by Milton Hayes ?
Milton Hayes
There's a one-eyed yellow idol to the north of Khatmandu,
There's a little marble cross below the town;
There's a broken-hearted woman tends the grave of Mad Carew,
And the Yellow God forever gazes down.
./.
From Kaa Bull to Candor ha !
There's a harsh insensibility
that saves a soul from shame
when the critics slight ability,
curse they'd not thought the same.
With a yellow bellied feeling
see their jealous stealing brain
chuck the candor you're outreeling
let the muck unstuck remain !
Enjoy ! LOL...Linguist between the lines
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This is excellent. Near perfect rhyme and rhythm. I'm just a tad jealous as you not only beat me to punch with message but the title as well. Anyway...you did a jam up job which merits my applause.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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Bravo!
I have been studying the difference between visualizing and feeling. When I say visualizing, I mean a different sort of vision other then just seeing or dreaming things. I mean about experiencing the world we live in as if your standing apart from it, but at the same time seeing it and ourselves for what it and we really are for the first time. I get the feeling your touching on that in this poem. Great write! ~Gar
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