The room has been burning candle scent,
Come unto my sheets...not a wrinkle nor a dent,
For you i wait to share my love,
I promise; i neither won't hurt or ignore the glove,
Though, as we descend into foreplay, my fingers won't neeed such,
Control is the key to hold an eruption, baby don't gush
As we lay bodies entwined, emotions run wild,
As your tongue thrusts deep into mine throat,
Oxygen seems to give way to lust,
How i survive from this point?
Is all on thrust after thrust
My hands are out of control,
Frantically they move; surveying the mythical contours of your body,
Breath by breath, our bodies press harder,
Racing through an eternal moment,
Our hearts seem to fuse together as one,
How i wish this moment could last forever...
Love dripping from our graceful bodies seeks to remind us,
from our passsion the devil heralds an inferno;
The goddess of sex arises as the heat becomes pleasantly unbearable,
When will the molten of passion erupt...lies in her to decide,
As she ponders- i conlude,
It now rests in you to adorn me in sin...
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Ok, you already know my opinion on this, so I'll rant on some other aspects. You need to make a plan with line 4, the neither thing needs to be edited a little (or I'm reading like an idiot) I enjoy the intensity of this and how it really does erupt, but now that it's hear, you can always edit certain lines, put more things in, take things out and you'll always have your original copy. Can't wait for more stuff in this category!
-
Welcome to Allpoetry
Welcome to allpoetry.
I feel as though this poem is a confusion. It is either erotic, or it is traditional. "Mine throat" just doesn't make sense in the context.
It's written well, don't get me wrong. Definitely a poem full of sensual heat and erotic images. But I feel it would read better if you dropped the old fashioned language and let it be what it is. Hot
Enjoy the site
Faerie
-
-
mmh hm
i guess u right, the traditional wording aint exactly fitting; but then again i wrote this poem on an erotic high- when that happens, confusion takes over as i try to figure out wat exactly is going on...u know...with senses not agreeing with wat my mind percieves..
thnx for the critic( this site is great!!)ur great -
-
Thank you
I understand what you mean
-
-
Adding your comment:
