You have your hat pulled down low
but I can see your eyes blazing beneath it
you're starin at the fence post
but you're somewhere else
you are trying desperatly to hide your feelings
but they seep through
you tug your hat a little lower
but its plain as day
that no matter how strong
no matter how big and brave you are
the pain is too much for even you
too much for even you
I want to run to you
give you a hug and tell you it's all right
but I know you'll just tug that poor hat
an try and blink away
the rain drops formin in your eyes
so I let you alone
the river is raging now
and your dam is almost broke
I see it in your eyes even though
you just reached up and tugged that poor hat down more
Some one ought to let you know
that there's a lot of things that hat can hide
but your feelings ain' t one of em
so give it up boy
and let them tears flow
nobodies watchin
and even if they are who cares
how the hell do they know what you've been through
so give it up boy
let them tears flow
A contest entry
- Prewrite Phenomenon #2 by Ryno.
300 points, ended February 9, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - If You Want Comments... by RT michaels.
335 points, ended February 13, 2007, 106 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - show me your talent by Kiss ME Deadly.
300 points, ended March 13, 2007, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - what's your best? by Silent.enigma.
750 points, ended May 21, 2007, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
HELP !!!! Comment pls
Comments
-
good write. thanks for entering and good luck.
-
While your pattern seems a little uneven, i am impressed with the simple yet very direct points of which you present. You allow the reader (or audience) to feel the emotions that you are also forcing upon them. A very strong piece indeed, thank you for the entry.
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Very simple and straight-to-the-point. I think this would come forth as more sufficient if it were put into some stanzas, to break up some thoughts, but this is just my opinion. Thanks for entering Prewrites.
~Ryan~ -
this is interesting and golden, i like it, you did an amazing job on this
so give it up boy
let them tears flow
makes the reader wonder who you are talking too, keep it flowing
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