Don't think like that, it makes a chalky outline.
An outline in the snow,
tolling like a bell,
and you thought it wouldn't show.
white, on white, in white. be clean.
a garden of Eden in all it's sheen.
and you're not just yawing, boy,
you're crying. I can tell.
The milk of all this thunder
sends you shivering to hell.
white, on white, in white. be clean.
Laundry's ruined by sunlight, see what I mean?
You do it all like clockwork, all like clockwork
in the hall.
She notices you now,
emerging from the wall.
white, on white, in white. be clean.
Don't hide among the lilies,
you'll surely be seen.
A contest entry
- Window to the Soul by Shiro Okami.
600 points, ended January 30, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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"white, on white, in white. be clean.
Don't hide among the lilies,
you'll surely be seen." is my favorite part great write
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nice to see you back here. i've missed reading your work.
while i still think the poem prior to this addition was stronger, i'm finding your latest poetry to be awesome. i hope that i'll be seeing more of it on here in the future.
justin -
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Justin!
Thank youuu. I'm going to be reading about 4887847 of your poems because I too miss reading your work. This week is midterms though,and then winter ball. So probably early next week. And also we should catch up because it's been about 48 years or so. -
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sounds awesome.
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oooh wee
wow, oh my, this is wonderful. full of unexpected phrasing and word pairings...milk and thunder...I'll definitely be back to read your work again.
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Thank you!
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Yes! This deeper meaning is what I want! Something simple, layered. Congratulations! This is a good write! The only part that throws m off a little is the rhyming. I am not a big fan off rhymes, but I am permitting it in this contest, because although at the hands of some the poem is ruined, a few poets can make it work. Unfortunately, you are not one of these. However, you do mange to fall effortlessly into the chatagory of one who can include rhyme in his poem, and not kill it.
(I am saying him, but I do not know your gender. My apologies.)
I do like the referances to white, and the link with the title.
Well done -
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Thank you for your comment, and my gender is female. I do agree with the rhyming thing, most of my poetry isn't rhyming and I was switching it up a bit for this poem. It's difficult to rhyme, more so then I thought. Again, thank you for the comment and also the contest, it's a good one.
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Ive read this 10 times and i have to admit i still havent figured it out ,ghosts ? im really not sure ,it sure made me think though hahaPlease message me as to the full meaning of this intriging write
and good luck in the contest
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