If I had to chose
Between everything I have
The air I breathe
And you
Screw the air I breathe
The only thing I need
Is you
Because I love you
Author notes
Dawn, I mean it
In a list
A contest entry
- Drown me with romance! by The Vulture.
540 points, ended February 1, 2007, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For all those AP Males!!! (Contest) by Jeneralix.
600 points, ended April 4, 2007, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Short and Sweet by deathbyfrootloopsxx.
800 points, ended June 25, 2007, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [[your a superstar]]...*whispers* i love you by XInsanity-FairX.
450 points, ended October 28, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Touch my heart by MysticalRayne.
450 points, ended January 7, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter All Your Love Writes Here! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended March 8, 2008, 306 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bring It All by Simply Simple.
1800 points, ended February 26, 2008, 120 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Happy Birthday Dawn
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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aww this is sweet congrats Dan
keep writing
~Ashley~ -
Sweet but simple. It doesn't sound stalker at all. Just caring I really liked it. Although it was something that has been done a lot. Great write. Best of luck.
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I know hwo this feels and I would definately agree! I'd rather have him than anything else in my life. So sweet!
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Powerful write - with little words nice job - Good luck in the contest
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this is great
even though it is very short it does get a message accross
the fact that the need to love them is greater than anything, even the need to breath air
however it was really short and lacked imagery and emotional impact
you could of tried to get a couple of metaphors or adjectives in there
but i'm sure you have you own style, just not my kinda thing
i did like it though
thanks for entering and good luck
xxxx -
A cute and romantic message is lying deep within your words. I think the second stanza is a little repetitive of the first; I do like the idea behind it but the way it was expressed seems a little redundant. I also think you could have added a lot more imagery or descriptive language to emphasize the love you hold for this person.
Nice idea, just could have a lot more power behind it. -
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its supposed to be repeatative. I did this for a school contest the first time. It was supposed to be 7 lines of non-imagry.
I won with this one.
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I like it a lot. It's short but that was all you really needed. Though I think you took it out of the contest....I got the note saying you added it, but I didn't remove it. Maybe KnightMoves did, so I'll ask. I love the poem! Great job!
<3 Jenerali
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Ooo short but extra sweet.
Just one comment, line 1 "If I had to chose"- should be "choose" instead.
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dont you have this in here 2 times
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No
I loved the waning rhythm, it seems so to the point (in a good way). BTW, it's spelled 'breathe' . . . but the message was really powerful, and I liked that you wasted no words. Kudos.
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I will not squeal...I will not squeal....Eeee! I'm sorry! It's just that this is so sweet and cute and even though it's written simply it expresses so much! ^-^
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This is quite beautiful. it is sweet to give up air for the one you love but we must breathe too. Thios poem made me go "Awww"
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This is very sweet. It's kind of flirty and sincere, and very romantic. Great job.
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Oh. This is a nice little poem that you have here.
I like this. It is very short but it seems to sum up exactly what you were feeling. It made it cute and reminded me of a young man in love for the first time and feeling everything all at once.
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LOL
NO, YOU FOR SURE DO NOT SOUND LIKE A STALKER. I LIKE WHAT YOU WROTE, I THOUGHT IT TO BE SWEET.
POETDONTKNOWIT -
Beautiful
Short and sweet
♥ Lacey
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awww
ok, it's short but it made me gush with AWWWWW. lol I adore it as well...good job =) -
this is marvelous. i think it's one of your best yet. it's short and simple, sweet to the core. i simply adore it.
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