Kiss my lips, sweet angel.
take my soul away.
Kill me now, my angel.
so I don't feel such pain.
Hold me close, my angel.
so cold is my body.
Sing to me, my angel.
please always remember me.
Say I love you, my angel.
my love will never die.
goodbye, my lovly angel.
for no more am I...
-Lust
Please tell me what you think...
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I love your poetry. A lot, it's sad and beautiful.
But why is it you envy me. Honestly, I may have him who i write of a lot..but he's never there. I hide my real emotions.
Anyways though, thank you for commenting it.
And, also. If you can message me i have a question if it's not too much of a bother or anything.
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*looks down* hes a toss and wrong, i think the repetition makes the poem i like it very much. im still not sure why i should run though
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The repetition was over-used. It over shadows the actual poem and has an undesirable effect.
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I've actually spoken things of this nature before...just goes to show that there's not original thoughts or occurrences any more. I like it, but do take the "know" out of the ninth line, and please, for the love of mankind, capitalize that damn I at the end.
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me loved it!!!!!
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Beautifully Sad
It's such a beautiful poem though sadness is the theme, & yet it brings a smile on reader's face but only for it being a nice poem... I love rhyming that is done well & repetition of my angel brings out the flavor of your thoughts very well.... I hope this phase you've already crossed & now have reasons to live to smile... take care Minoo
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kick ass
dude ur poems r so hardcore id like 2 read more... -
very nice... i love the rhythm... but i think in line 9, you should remove the word "know"... so it says i love you, my angel... because all of the other lines that end in "my angel" have only 3 words or 3 syllables in them... so adding the word "know" kinda throws that rhythm off... also in the 2nd to last line... though i do like the words used... it just doesnt flow with the rest... if you can find a way to keep it saying goodbye or farewell... but somehoe make it 3 syllables... and unfortunately... remove the word lovely... i think this poem would be perfect... or an idea is adding lovely to between all of the "my angel" parts... that could work too...
these are just suggestions... the poem is lovely and one of the better ones i personaly have read... nice job
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Movingly sad
A very nicely written poetic final plea of final epitaph.
I see some dear potential in you new blood. Very refreshing and you conveyed the emotion just right.
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thanx guys.. ill try to post more poetry soon.
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wow, nice, you know for a second there it sounds kinda like my lyrical poem Sirens of the Sea, but this one was like a loving/sad verion of mine, mine is just a love version, oh gtg cya
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sad but sweet
Whoa...that was really nice...it's sweet...sad but sweet...nice job. Keep on it.
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