We - I - seek with hands out loud
in the dark
fingers screaming
palms kissing
all other palms We - I - meet
in a desperation of sound
to outshout the silence
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This is great! I have no idea why I haven't seen this before. I really like the creative use of spacing, it makes the feeling of "i'm grasping at straws to fill the emptiness and sometimes it doesn't work" visually accessible. That enhances the piece, at least in my opinion. I love "fingers screaming". Very original. Overall, a fascinating piece.
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Thank you
Glad you liked it. And as for the no maple syrup thing... can't imagine a world without it, but that is my Yankee imagination failing, not the world.
Regards,
Tryst
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better than candy on a cold day
most excellent
layout
creates spaces to rest in and creates a flow that lingers in the head afterwards
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This is wonderful! I love the spacing, it really works with this write, sometimes I find it can be really distracting, but here it just flowed so well I hardly noticed; It lends this piece a little bit of a dreamy feel. While I enjoy the poem on a whole, and I find the syntax to be flawless, I really like the line 'palms kissing' - it creates a beautiful picture and feeling. This is an awesome write!
Best to you
Crestfallen -
powerful
This is a short but strong and powerful work of fantastic poetry. Keep writing.
LIZ
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