My head being pushed underneath the water
My arms and legs flying around forcefully,
in a struggle
Beneath the water it is so calm
The only sound is my own hurried heart beats
I do not feel worried, nor do i feel scared
My family and friends flash before my eyes
They mean everything, they were my life, my world
They will be better off without me
Then my mum pops into my thoughts
Her smile makes me want to add to the water with my tears
I have caused her so much pain and destruction
She does not need me
I say my farewells, in what i left behind
I take my last look at the world outside
Above the glassy surface,
I look at the man who uis holding me down
And i relax, my body become limp as i slide into the
beginning of my eternal sleep...
I awake to find that nothing was real,
It was just in a way a drowning sensation....
Author notes
Hope you like just a quick one that popped into my head...
In a list
A contest entry
- GEMORTWO by x Bright Eyes x.
450 points, ended January 13, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything. Just Impress Me. by I-Am-Custard.
900 points, ended April 13, 2007, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This would be better if it were 'mother' rather than 'mum', the word 'mum' just doesn't fit with the language style you used for the rest of it. You also slipped into lower case 'i's at the end, which was distracting. Other than those little bits this was a good effort. Thank you for entering.
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Sort of like a 'too' peaceful baptism....
He holds me underwater and I relax and fade into the deepness of blue...
Luckily 'twas only a sensation....
I see your writes are changing, [for the better] you are gaining insight....
Well done darl...
Jeffro -
do not feel worried, nor do i feel scared
My family and friends flash before my eyes
liked these two lines very much thanks for entering my contest -
thank you for sharing
and good luck
a well penned piece -
I really liked the concept of this,
a drowing sensation. I think all of us
feel something similar to this from time
to time, the morbid side of all of us.
To think and ponder death, or feel as
though we are ourselves become victim
to death. Sometimes we welcome that feeling
other times we reject it. Beautiful poem.=]
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