Nature wakes up from her chilling slumber
Inching the blossoms peep from their cocoon,
Soft green, new leaves burst forth in reception
While a Florida dream comes alive with the view!
Inching the blossoms peep from their cocoon
Flocking birds sing their woodland songs,
While a Florida dream comes alive with the view
Zephyr the chimes get wind of that move.
Flocking birds sing their woodland songs
The river, quite swelled has no time to tarry
Zephyr the chimes get wind of that move
Forcing crescendo with an unresolved tune.
The river, quite swelled has no time to tarry
A woodpecker drums as if of like mind
Forcing crescendo with an unresolved tune
Latching onto that beat my mind goes on prowl.
A woodpecker drums as if of like mind
A parade of thoughts march in full bloom
Latching onto that beat my mind goes on prowl,
Combining Spring dreams with what’s utterly real.
A parade of thoughts march in full bloom
A warming soul welcomes them in
Combining Spring dreams with what’s utterly real
Blue skies and sunshine, it’s Springtime again!
A warming soul welcomes them in
Soft green, new leaves burst forth in reception
Blue skies and sunshine, it’s Springtime again!
Nature wakes up from her chilling slumber ...
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Author notes
It's the time of year when North Florida starts into springtime (late Jan.) The azaleas are beginning to bloom and the redbud and dogwood trees are about ready to push out their flowers. The bulb plants are showing a bit of green as they pop their heads out of the ground. It's the best time of year because it's neither hot nor cold.
This poem is written in a closed form called Pantoum. The second and fourth line of the first stanza go on to make the first and third line of the next stanza. You do this until the seventh stanza is the first reversed.
A contest entry
- Flaunt Your Form- by deadcolor dreams.
600 points, ended February 23, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This is a lovely pantoum, though I do have my complaints in regard to the structure- not the meanings, concepts- of the poem. My complaint, mainly lies in the uneven flow.
Your use of comas and punctuation of that sort, in a sporadic manner- makes the poem seem to hiccup often. You either need to balance them, or cut them out completely. The syllable count, should be in a pattern, or even, as well. This mixed with your use of punctuation, only adds to the rocky flow.
You use some good, solid vocabulary words here. And the pictures you made, were lovely. As said, the only real issue is the flow, which can be easily remedies. out of fifty, for now, you get the first impression score of 38. Tell me if you chose to alter, and I am willing to fix the first impression score, based on your alterations.
Good job, good luck, and thank you for entering.
~Lindsay
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A very beautiful pantoum coloured with springtime beauty and wonder. I loved the imagery and flow of this. Most enjoyable and wonderfully long.
All the best,
Charishma
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