I drew hearts in the sand.
Surrounded shaky letters
so close to the ocean
that she licked
the points clean
left with but half
of everything
and just squiggled marks
where our names use to be.
Author notes
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It's just something.
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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I used to go to Florida every summer and trace hearts and initials with my toes in the sand. I would then go on a short walk and by the time I had returned, the initials would be gone. It is a devastating realization, though it seems almost childish that a simple thing like initials in the sand could make someone that sad.
Very well written, very good metaphor and imagery. Nicely done. -
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This is rather sad. I love the simplicity of your shorter writes. You know exactly what to say, where to begin and where to stop.
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Thank you.
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Very metaphoric - says so much these few liines of a relationship gone sour, through leaving , death, unsure. have often written things in the sand and watched the waters come and erase them in a second. Crisp and to the point.
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very sad Meli..
'but half of everything'... tear jerker, but lovely metaphor...
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Thank you.
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Beautiful metaphors! I love how heartfelt and intense this is, despite how short the poem is.
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Thank you.
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and one for you...
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touching
Beautifully written, Meli with such strong images that I feel I am at the ocean feeling the tide and reading your heart....
Loved it!
Lynda
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Beautifully sad,the imagery made a huge impact and then wham! Left with half...
Darn fine writing to imbue so,so much herein and leave the reader with a heart-sigh
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Yes it is.
And something good.
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beautifully sad.. I'll comment more later ok. I'm in school..
much love x
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