Few passengers just some aboard the train,
Through windows clear the world appears asleep
I hear a soft and trundling slow refrain
A radio's old tunes embarrassed weep.
My head upon your shoulder, hand in hand,
The miles absorbed, landscape's hunger's wild,
This is your journey, this - my father's land
Sings mother's songs to us, to love, to child.
My eyelids paint your shape, you are the same,
A scent well known, a touch from fading past,
Then wrinkles kiss with sudden waking flame
A love unchanged, a feeling unsurpassed.
Love needs no words, no explanations, none,
A kiss we share... and shivers cross the sun.
Author notes
This is entry to anonymous contest. If you would like to comment, do not mention my name please. Thanks to all of you for your kind comments.
A
Sonnet
In a list
A contest entry
- Your Best Pre-Written Rhyme by piccola.
700 points, ended July 26, 2007, 31 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sonnets, sonnets, and more sonnets by RatherImaginative.
1925 points, ended September 8, 2007, 40 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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This poem is so sweet and romantic. Makes me think of those old married couple on the street walking hand in hand like they where still teens.
Wonderfully written, thank you for entering -
Thank you for second entry, we appreciate your entry..
All the best...Sue and Jeff
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Hello. It is my real pleasure
to thank you for being involved. On behalf of the judging panel, I thank you for the sonnet, "Train". Pursue with it in other contests. A fine poem. Lyndon. -
Well, Shakespearean in style, certainly.
"A kiss we share... and shivers cross the sun" reminds me of another romantic sonnet in this contest where the last line refers to a kiss bending moon beams.
For some reason, I am attracted to this image:
" A radio's old tunes embarrassed weep".
Dr Derry. -
Love needs no words, no explanations, none,
A kiss we share... and shivers cross the sun.
Well I can see the beauty of the love and the touch of the soul in the words here bringing a kind of the solace through your loving poetry here.. I love it..you did a journey of the muse taking along with the various images and wonders of love within the framework of your words here..and this is the strength of your poetry... well done..
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i love trains... thats pretty much why i clicked to read... not a typical poem i would be intrested in... only because id rather read something a little more harsh... but while reading this i enjoyed it, i liked how the words were put together while i whispered it out loud to myself... nice simple rhyming with gentle tones... good good good......peace
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its quite beautiful.. seems of a lasting love kissed upon the breeze of forever.
Thnx for the poem -
takes me on a trip
congratulations . . familiar sentiment
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Wow. That read like a whisper and sent chills down my spine. You did an excellent job with this. So beautiful.
Congratulations on your shiny trophies!!
Write on.
~*~SP~*~ -
I think the form fit this like hand to glove. The words flow so effortlessly. I love what you have done with this. Thank you for sharing your words with me and best wishes to you. Keep that quill dipped in ink and ever ready for use.
♥ Touchof1der -
I really enjoyed this piece. It read so very well. You painted a very vivid picture. I liked the lines,
" hear a soft and trundling slow refrain
A radio's old tunes embarrassed weep."
Well done.
Keep up the good writing.
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Of enduring love
Sonnet with a passion, inspired with images, delightful as the train rolls into memories..
Dreamy weaver of a soul weaver...loved this totally..
creative and imaginative with life.
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well done
I love the metre and I like the vivid image you portray here.
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Flawless meter! You've captured this moment so beautifully within your sonnet. Who says that poetry that keep to forms can't express emotion well??? You've done a wonderful job in this regard, and left me feeling very wistful for a like experience. Thanks so much for entering my contest!
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Excellent Sonja this has wonderful flow to it And speaks of so much love Congratulation on your bronze award
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This is beautiful. I can see in my mind a picture of a couple hand in hand, a head resting on someone's shoulder. Thank you so much for this entry.
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Hi, well I have seen people improve in their writing but this really surprised me, the improvement is breath taking, my compliments as I am still sitting here with my mouth open, be proud , well done, with just a small ammount of hiccups,all the best Di
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Good word usage and beautiful imagery in this sonnet mum. A true pleasure to read
I hope you're well. Love you much and always. Laura 
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they words slowly and carefully painted a picture like an artist finishing up a masterpiece with the ending a scribbled signature adding millions worth to the piece
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Outstanding
I especially liked the last couplet in this sonnet, it finishes the poem on a strong note. I liked how you developed the theme of a love that has stood the test of time and the figurative language you used in this poem creating a tapestry of images and feelings.This poem achieves a lot.
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awesome
I could picture myself on that train but the ending took my breath away....
good luck in the contest
Tamara
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it is almost as lulling as a train's ride, probably the sonnet form is best suited for this kind of poem, getting the reader to ride that wagon with your eyes and with your thoughts and with your rhyme. beautiful poetry and imagery.
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love the wording the imagery always loved trains it was the title that drew me with being a train lover i am very glad i came by to read as this is a an beautiful poem loved it
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