On a green park bench he sat forlorn,
And spoke to me a sad lament;
Of whence it was such sadness borne,
How his own true love his breast had rent.
I fed beggar pigeons while he recounted
Of a love which was a delight as Spring;
And of every vicissitude surmounted,
Together he and she would cling.
As delicate a creature, you'd be hard put to find,
He lived just for her, and she for him;
That one day she'd go was furthest from mind,
For their cup was indeed overflowing the brim.
Seeing couples pass, he'd reminisce,
Of the color of her hair, the warmth of her cheek,
The felicity of her smile, the hours of bliss,
And he knew he would no other seek.
My bread crumbs gone, I turned aside,
Embarrassed, looking around, and then
Saw the tear stains from my eyes I'd cried;
I'd been talking to myself...
...again
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 94 of 94
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the ending ... sneaks up with a rather sudden surprise there....
sits distance down beside me and says, you know me don't you.. and all I can say is yes.
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A clever poem of reflection, and you surprised me with the twist in the end, so your intention was achieved. Well done!
The form, meter and rhyme are excellent as are the words chosen for this piece and the picture compliments well for the images you have created.
Liking this write very much. Thank you.
alby :g
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Deep and its obvious you put a lot of emotion in to this poem. I enoyed the rhyme as well. They are my favorite types of poems. Well done
Mylee -
This is such an emotional and moving poem. The ending really hit me with a wave of intense melancholy. You have a beautiful way with words. I loved it!
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LB
I don't talk to myself anymore, but I do still feed pigeons!lol Thanks a lot!
John
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There is so much pure love, and yet pure sorrow, all tied and weaved into their own place in this piece. It's beautiful. Your words are beautiful. I love this. Great write.
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Thank you Y S
Not sure how you came upon this, but I'm glad you liked reading it. I'm sure Melancholy affects different people differently. Just wanted to try and put into words what one person might feel, the reason for, and the manifestation of, such feelings.
Appreciate your visit to my page, means a great deal!
John
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Love your new name and the lovely picture you have found for your author page - such cute kittens. Such a heartfelt poem - such a sad ending - lonely people find themselves to talk to I guess, if there is no one else around. HAve you checked out my Comment Please yet? Should be coming up in the featured section soon. It's for a contest I am in. Have a great day!
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I love this... I have been reading and commenting on poems today that have had that wow factor... this one is no exception... Love your work babe......thank you for sharing... hugs and love Linda xxxxxxxx
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This is truly a gem,
shining in its melancholy,
warming thru the love described,
surreal, yet satisfying in its ending.
Aesthete
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I was quite surprised at the end! Not at all what I was expecting, but much more. I really enjoyed the read! Thanks!
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Hi,
Are you, Strangeling and Elizabeth Strange, the one and the same?
Thanks a lot for your thoughts on Melancholy.
I did not try to show how "I" have sometimes felt, but how another person might succumb to difficult stress situations.
Thanks for your comments, and that they are good comments are a bonus! Means a lot!
Regards,
John-Las Vegas, Nevada -
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As a writer, I find it more fun to write about how I think other people would feel. I rarely write what I am feeling. I am glad you like my comments!
And I am still Elisabeth, I just wanted to change my name a bit. Take care! I hope to read more of your work soon!
~Elisabeth Strange
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...wow! this is cool...i feel the deep emotions (sadness..etc) thru the words here, and makes me smile...(sad smile) esp. after reading the last line... really great sir!
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Oh my goodness, how wonderful. Truly a surprise ending for me.Very visual, and poignant. thank you for sharing such lovely words, conni
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Wow. What an incredible ending. You know, if you had wrapped up that poem in some other way, it would have been a good poem. With this ending, though, it's great.
Beautiful write.
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Wow! This is awesome! And the ending I see myself talking to myself all the time in my poetry writing to and about people that won't or will never read it... and yet we just muse on as poets don't we
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Don't be scared M J
Thanks for your thoughts on this. Isn't anyone reading your stuff? It gets like that at times. I have to go out right now, but when I return, I'll stop at your page and see what is going on, OK?
Regards,
John
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<
He obviously taught alliteration too. THAT lesson seems to have stuck in your mind well enough. 
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Tough teacher! -
I like it alot
Very well written, great message with a twist. Very different than my park bench poem.
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Oh, this is great! The imagery was so realistic. It is sad.
So is life. This is a wonderful job. I loved having found it. Shancy.
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Seeing couples pass, he'd reminisce,
Of the color of her hair, the warmth of her cheek,
The felicity of her smile, the hours of bliss,
And he knew he would no other seek.
the grimes and augur at its best
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i like how you detach yourself at the beginning from your identity, and then realize it at the end. i also like when you say "beggar pigeons."
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Thanks
So you really thought there were two people? That was my intention. But more than that, I wanted to try to depict this person's bouts with depression and the like.
I'm glad you doubled back to read another of my poems.
Are you the yael 2 as well? Is it an Israeli name?
I'll see some of your other things by and by, but I've got to get going.
Appreciatively,
John
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It's always nice to see well composed poetry. Of late, I suppose I've spent more time commenting on content than form. But if I may... I'd rather discuss your form here.
First of all this poem demonstrates that you have both a good handle on texture and read speed. I would say it was influenced to some degree by the late victorian style, ie E. A. Poe and his contemporaries and is fairly architectural in nature. Personally I probably would have indulged myself with a few more dark deep long vowels in the penultimate stanza. But meloncholy is not necessary overly dreadful nor is it dramatically sad and/or you may not have wanted to write it that way. The Middle English tid-bits, were nice for those of us who read and translate Middle English, and I have occaisionally snuck in a few obsolete words here and there too, just for the joy of it... Over all as to nit-picking I think you forced the last line in S4. "no other seek" is choppy, in fair defence of the author you balanced its rhyming partner meter wise which makes for a decent salvage job, but the rest of the poem is just so much better that the imperfection is noticable...
As to content, you darn well know you got it right... Nice build up, and appropriate kicker in the end to give the write some poingiency. I mean why bother to write something without a point?
All in all, this is a good example of craftsmanship. Yes, there is undoubtedly something nice that can be said for producing 14 spontanious poems per day, unless you print them and thereby senselessly kill a tree. But most truly good poems are crafted not spewed. And for those people who disagree with me, they should take a few pointers from this poem. Poetry requires, no rather demands that the form enhance the missive and good poetry is no accident.
Sorry for the nit picking, but it's been a while since I read something really worth analyzing.
Rainbows,
~RJ~
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Dear Rj
Snuck? You were probably thinking of Smucker's Jam.LOL
Thank you very much for your comments on this. I've had many comments on this, but rarely, if ever, has anyone taken a walk around it before. I'm glad you did.
About the Melancholy of the character in the poem, I was tempted to draw on my own life's experiences, but didn't find them to be extreme enough.
I know that you have heard of mentally ill people hearing voices, and even at times responding to those. Gone unabated, the voices take on personalities, which, again gone unabated, in 99.99% of those people, the voices turn against their host/hostess.
Bearing that in mind is where I drew my character, in a very precarious place, sharing a bench with the end stages of melancholy. I know by the responses that the average reader of this does not perceive it as so severe, and that the fellow will recover although pained. But he is the only one who knows what happened to her, not the reader, not the writer.
Well Rj, I've never really talked about this poem before.
Maybe that's progress!
Thanks again for your overview of the thing!
SNUCK! My dictionary is still packed away or I would look up the conjugation of that and tell your English teacher.LOL
Thanks again!
John Johnson-Las Vegas, Nevada
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This is so beautifully written and the last stanza brought tears to my eye, this is a very captivating piece and I regret not reading it sooner! Excellent write!!!!=)
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Hello there, Instar! Thank you for your kind words about my poem; they are much appreciated. I would have responded sooner had it not been that AP didn't notify me that I had comments on it; although perhaps I simply didn't pay attention. In any case whatever, I thank you, and shall now comment on this excellent piece.
Inasmuch as I hadn't left you a proper comment the last time, I'll give it now, but first I'd like to tell you that I think this poem is spectacular. So spectacular, in fact, that I've bookmarked it. Very impressive indeed. I really enjoyed the twist at the end. Very well-done. I loved the story it told, and then the way it turned out, by and by, to be the storyteller. Excellent. Keep it up!
Dan
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Hi Dan
Not to worry about the missed comment alert, it is quite common around here. Nice though, that finding it, you got back to me with your thoughts on the thing.
When I wrote that, I thought it better to demonstrate what I thought severe melancholy might be like, instead of sensationalizing it by putting some of my own on the page.
I'd thought to make my author's page something that would make one think, or at least give them pause. But when I saw yours, it took me aback! Some of those I had heard before, but a lot I had not. Love to hear of the world's wisdom.
Would like it more, put to use.
I'm not the poet's poet, if you get my meaning. I don't know about the forms, meter and the like. And as a result keep my stuff simple and understandable. Not everyone likes it, and it bothers me; but I go on.
Hopefully, I will return shortly to see some more of your things. What I have seen thus far is remarkable. Sort of taking simplicity to its limits!LOL As it should be!LOL
Well Dan, I am so very grateful you go back to me on this. We'll be talking, I'm sure.
Happy Holidays to you and yours.
John
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Dear Precious
"May the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart, be acceptable to you O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."
There is no sweeter poetry site than the psalms.
Nice to meet you, and I'm glad you liked my poem.
John-Nevada USA
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This is sych a touching piece
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Wooot a SUPER write!
I like the many parts you use old English..it suits this poem..wow..this poem is REMARKABLE..the ending is incredibly great..wow..this poem REALLY TRULY ABSOLUTELY impress me..it's truly a fine write...
My bread crumbs gone, I turned aside,
Embarrassed, looking around, and then
Saw the tear stains from my eyes I'd cried;
I'd been talking to myself...
This part is here is sad...lol...but very nice!
I fed beggar pigeons while he recounted
Of a love which was a delight as Spring;
And of every vicissitude surmounted,
Together he and she would cling.
this part is here is just beautiful!
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Beautiful
But to know a love like this where memrioes can bring tears. Lovely write. I do envy one of such words -
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Dear Bob
Thank you for reading this, and I'm glad you liked it.
I'm not particularly fond of writing sad poems, but it came to mind and I tried the best I could.
Thanks for taking a look at it.
John
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This was totally outstanding!! The ending really just is something all of us can for sure relate to. Outstanding work here!
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Holy... Wow this was amazing... I read the begining and it didnt catch me but when I hit the last stanza my jaw just dropped... For me the sad "I miss you" poetry doesnt hit me hard but the way you put it really did , hit mme hard that is... you never know what you've got until it's gone...
great write
chrissy
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Dear Chrissy
Thanks so very much for looking up my poem today. I'm glad you liked it, for that was my intention.
I went to your page too, kind of to see what you were about. I'm making a mental note to go back and see a couple of your things as well. Don't bother straightening up or anything.LOL
However you found your way to my page is a mystery to me, but I was delighted you did, it has been awhile.
Count on hearing from me soon , and thanks again!
John-Las Vegas, Nevada
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i did not expect that ending,it was a great poem.
Your skills are massive.
i would greatly appreciate it if you read some of mine and told me your opinion.
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the pictures and write are awesome!
Smile,
Judy
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This is fabolus John. The end is awesome.I love it.
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John, I can't believe I didn't leave a comment on this beautiful poem. I've been back to read it several times. It had a huge effect on me. As always, you word choice and arrangements are perfect, but this one has the wonderful twist at the end!
The first time I read it, it brought tears to my eyes. Now, I find myself thinking of it often through my day. It is a truly beautiful, and beautifully written piece of art.
Thank you for sharing. Celtic Queen
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As I read it from the very beginning....I felt it told a story of someone else,actually;though at the end,there was a clever twist to it...
Memorable,indeed.
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Clever
The twist at the end was story-like and clever. It made me feel like I'd discovered something, uncovered a deep meaning. Probably that doesn't make much sense, but that was my feeling. -
Lovely
I liked this peice it was nice and moody.
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Our mind is a wonderful place to be, John. It can place us wherever we allow it in time and circumstance. Your poem is so touching, a poignant reminder of the love we may have once had, now only a memory.
A superb piece, eloquently written with a unique ending
Dee
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This is such a touching poem which really brings that moment of time right to the reader. The closing of this poem has such impact as to leave the reader in a blur of tears and emotion themselves.
Not very many poems evoke the emotions that this one does...To feel and sense the cruelty of lonlieness as is felt here.
Beautiful writing, John.
Jo
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Well
I have to say you touched this old hard heart. To know such love. Well in many ways you have been lucky
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Awwwww, this is such a sad write, though extremely well written, I love it. The emotion is so strong and outstanding. It reminds me of myself. Amazing write.
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Dear Bob from Minnessota
I appreciate your commenting on my poem today. That you liked it was the bonus. I'll have to try, once I get a little time, to get over and read some of your things.
But for now, I hope a "THANK YOU" will be sufficient.
Appreciatively,
John-Las Vegas, Nevada
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oh jeez, i could tell this was a good one after "lament"!!
the rhyme, the flow, the word usage, is all just WOW
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Dear Fallen1
Thanks a lot for the read! I'm happy you liked it.
Glad you liked "lament"! I guess if one is going to "wax" poetic, this is a real good place to do it, huh?LOL
Glad you cared for this one, means a lot!
John-Las Vegas, Nevada
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Wow John this is a great poem
It resonates such a poetic flow and leaves the reader reading into the story on the edge of thoughts, it also has your trademark of slow gentle calm. You have such a way with drawing a person into their own thoughts that they may resolve in themselves issues or just draw beneficial and worthy meanings from your words. I have been trying to think of the word for it but it escapes me so I'll just say subliminal encouragement and inspiration. It is a definite style that is purely your own.
there is a sadness in this poem that is only found in the depths of only one that has a deep heart and wisdom. It's an excellent write John, thanks for sharing it.
I notice you have not posted a poem since Febuary, it would be a great loss to many who would read your work if you stopped writting.
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Wow,
So sad and emotion filled this write is, you really can express yourself wonderfully through your poetry. Thanks for sharing you, be blessed!
-Timothy
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This indeed is wonderful. Try it in some contests...it's sure to get something. Surely someone out there is allowing pre-writes? Anyway, I loved the ending.
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Excellent..excellent..
what wonderful poetry it is...
I am amazed as much as lost while reading your art..
You are a Master....Surely...
"I fed beggar pigeons while he recounted
Of a love which was a delight as Spring;
And of every vicissitude surmounted,
Together he and she would cling"""
Great work..Keep it up....
May God bless you...
. Rewarded 6
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excellent
how do i comment on somthing that envokes sadness and laffter at the same time. point out the irony of what we see in our mind eye as both joyious and tragect.
and by the way some of the best arguments i have ever had has been with myself ...again
P.S. please forgive the spelling mistakes mine is lousy...lol but that an argument for another time
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Very good work here
Oh to find the perfect moment heart felt and sometimes sad then to find that in oneself id perfect
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Oh my! I loved the twist at the end of this passionately written, wonderfully rhyming poetry. I tend to shy away from thinking of a life without my dear husband. He is my gift from God, my delight, my joy. Our children feel my sentiments almost exactly. I loved this! Your poem is melancholy indeed but quite lyrical. It's been far too long since my last visit. I do apologize for the time away. Sadly beautiful!
Much Love ♥
Renee ;f
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this was absolutely amazing and brilliant. You caught me, you lured me into this wonderful sweet poem and then caught me unaware with your ending. This is the type of poem I love to write, and wish I could do as well as you.
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WELL DONE!
nicely put, theres always a relation to this poem, because people have felt like this one way or another, its just a matter of putting it into words you accomplished that well. Again, very good! -
Superb, memorable
Very nicely done indeed. -
This is an amazing poem that express the feelings of most of the readers at some point in their lives. I find it very sad and melancholic. Memories and reminiscences are forever with us and it would qppear the older we get the more to the fore they come.
A beautiful poem with a good twist at the end. Rhyme and rythmn were excellent. A joy to read.
Thanks for sharing...Sue
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This is amazing. The ending took me by suprise. It was poignant and beautifully written, a true joy to read. Kelly
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Thank you Kelly
Glad you liked this poem.
Between you and me, I could have found a substitute for the word "vicissitude", but that was the word that got me thrown out of a spelling bee one time!LOL Vengeance "is"
pretty sweet indeed!LOL
Thanks again Kelly, was sweet of you to say.
Regards,
John-Las Vegas, Nevada
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Heartbreaking poetry penned with flair and unique imagination.. I love this type of writing my friend.
Very well done
Raker
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Melancholy Indeed.
Very lovely. I find it both sad and funny that you were talking to yourself. Makes me think "What would have happened if say, an old woman would have came and sat down beside you?"
A great poem.
~Phoenix
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i like
omg this was so good.. i liked the ending about how you were talking to yourself, this is so original, i liked it a lot..
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A perfect definition of melancholy in poetry! Brilliant write! The poems makes me teary eyed because of the sorrow subtlety playing in each person's heart.
My favorite lines:
My bread crumbs gone, I turned aside,
Embarrassed, looking around, and then
Saw the tear stains from my eyes I'd cried;
I'd been talking to myself...
...again
Well concluded and have engaged readers so much that tears may even flow unexpectedly.
Well done my friend and hope to see you around.
Again, thanks for sharing. Until we meet again here.
~VIRGOAN~ -
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Dear Virgoan
Thanks very much for your nice comments on this poem.
I've been a bit melancholy myself, but priobably not to the extent of this fellow in the poem, but I tried to imagine what it might be like.
Thanks a lot for your input and candor.
Regards,
John-Las Vegas, Nevada USA
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Wow. I really wasn't expecting that ending, which was perfect. This was peaceful and sad at the same time. You have a wonderful way with words, you don't overuse or draw attention to individual ones, but rather they all seem to flow to make the story, poem, etc. I'm very glad I found this poem, it was absolutely excellent.
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wow- amazing, incredible- that was a real real tear jerker!
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Sometimes chance it no chance at all. I am supposed to be here. Wonderful musings on this page, and the echoes of heart in love that lingers, always. ~ Karen
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exactly why i love to read poetry. this is remarkable . i love your thoughts and expressions that you have so well pioured into this. overall, i have to say your muse really kicked in with this one.
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This poem is aptly named, It was so sad, a man reflecting on lost love to a perfect stranger, and then imagining it all in the absence of company. Well done!
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