Walking through the rain,
Thoughts running through my brain.
Thunder suddenly smashes the clouds
A bright white light shrouds
A tree that is quickly devoured by fire
Like a fallen beast in thick mire.
Again and again thunder abuses the sky
With white flashes that testify.
All becomes calm and quiet
Not a bird's chirp or a fading riot,
When suddenly things disappear
In an intense light so severe.
Blinding me only for a blink of an eye
But it seems like the time from birth till you die.
Heat consumes everything all around
While an earth shattering sound
Smashes both of my ear drums
Which begin to ring and hum.
It causes my muscles to pulsate,
I think to myself, "Is this my fate?"
Falling to the ground
Where the concrete is found.
The blinding light returns upwards
While I continue downwards.
Hitting the ground with a smack
I land upon my back.
The smell of singed hair,
And burnt flesh declare
The horrible sudden event
Which started from the sky down to the cement.
My scorched body so still
Will send down anyones spine a chill
That's so intense and cold
Nothing can escape its hold.
Author notes
Nothing is what it seems.
A contest entry
- Time For You To Take A Chance ~ Round One by Tears and Raine.
320 points, ended January 26, 2008, 176 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter your favorite poem that has no trophies by whispernthedark.
490 points, ended April 5, 2008, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Maddness by GypsyEyes.
450 points, ended May 14, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ALMOST ANYTHING GOES by VerminVomit.
303 points, ended May 5, 2008, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Constructive feedback is always appreciated
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
-
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!
i love it
the title isnt catchy.... thats the only bad thing i have to say, everything else is so...so... AWESOME (i wish i had a better vocabulary)
i guess the last 2 lines are the best
*adds to finalist list...im guessing silver...* -
wow i'm getting a lot of sad poems like this one. but your poem is very beautiful and isnt just some sad poem. thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! NineTailedFox
-
Thank you for sharing your favorite with me. Best of luck in the contest.
♥
whisper
-
This is a beautiful poem well written. I am sorry that it took me so long to get to your poem but it is well received. Welcome to the finalists.
~Raine~ -
-
That is alright I am usually very patient, and thank you very much.
-
-
wow, even the beauty of lightning can be a dangerous thing. very well written, good luck in the contest.
-
Sorry
I haven't had a chance to read it but I thought I'd let you know you spelled "Lightening" wrong. 'Kay, thankies! -
This is really good. You described the occurrence very well. A few weeks ago I was caught in a downpour. Power went out, my clothes were soaked and I had to bring in tons of groceries on top of that.
-
-
Thanks for the comment, sounds like you had fun in the rain
-
-
this is a very nice poem and it was well written
great write and Keep it up. thanks for entering
and best of luck in my contest. -
Thank you for your entry in a second contest, I appreciate the support.
-
nice write...wow you entered it in a lot of contests i see. lol.
-
-
Thanks and yeah I know, just want some feedback but some people don't seem to like to give it you know.
-
-
oh nice. intense, yet simple. i liked it. did a good job on the topic. good luck and thanks for entering
-
Fantastic, this is really good. Your imagery and vocabulary is very well done. I love the background. Thank you for entering my contest.
-
Good poem, I loved how you rhymed and it had a great description! You really got this one around in contest didnt you wow... Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest!
-
this is awesome, I love the rhyme scheme although in some places it seems a little forced. The title was really creative and eye-cathcing though which is really good.
-
oh gosh...not something i should've read right before i go to sleep. i have a small fear of lightening, so naturally the title captured my eye. nice write. the description of the feel, the smell, the experience...oh goodness! well done.
Adding your comment:
1 - 18 of 18
