You were born to love music
Your voice was wrought to sing
Your mind was made for greatness
To see beauty in everything
But this world has made a ruin of you
Cold and cruel it beat you down
Cruel and cold it drove you away
Not seeing the light that lay inside
Making dark the splendorous day
This world has made a ruin of you
A creature of darkness, once of light
Laughed into shadow and despair
Driven from the human race
Driven down into dark, shade cast lair
This world has made a ruin of you
Then in darkness you did weep
Then your sorrow turned to hate
And all daylight is driven from you
As you accept your darker fate
This world has made a ruin of you
Now they loathe this creature of shadow
That by their scorn they did create
Now they hunt him in the shadows
Now they blame him for his hate
This world has made a ruin of him
This world has made a ruin of him
This creature of the night
This feared and fearful human being
So cruelly driven from the light
But this world has made a ruin of him
A contest entry
- A Beautiful Ruin by RedAquarius.
425 points, ended January 19, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "I Never Win Contest!" by kennybaby05.
380 points, ended January 23, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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this is pretty good. kinda hard to read, but i liked it.
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Good job! Again, good flow, nice pattern, good use of repetition. I like how many of your poems have multiple views throughout them. There always seems to be a narrative portion pertaining specifically to the subject, and then pertaining to the masses.
The first stanza was my favorite because the imagery was beautiful and I was thinking it might be a happy or at least nice poem...it does a beautiful job fulfilling the contest's name.
~Lissa
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Nice flow, smooth, good use of repitition...Good luck and thanks for entering the contest!
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