Stark white and linen row,
Former thoughts from deep below.
Quiet now, the children sleep -
Slumber soft while angels creep.
Silent dusk, gray dawn behind.
As the careless beg rewind.
Still, pushing forth from a timeless place,
Is the glory, truth and grace.
Tomorrow’s gone and still we stay,
Thinking that in way – by – way,
We might restore what once was lost,
To bended knee and risen cross.
Perhaps it be a forlorn lament,
To think the future’s all but spent.
Still the angry menace calls,
Resounding down these hallowed halls;
"Liberty, oh liberty,
Where has your father slept?
What whore awaits beneath the lights,
That twinkled while you crept?"
But alas the echoes chill -
Reverberating naught, but still,
The unmistakable hum and din,
That begs the beast arise again.
A contest entry
- Prewrites Galore and Nothing More by HerbalGoat.
300 points, ended February 22, 2007, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - biggest contest in allpoetry history! (i hope) need 1,000 entries!! by Gasp.
1300 points, ended July 11, 2007, 638 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
Your flow and rhyme were beautiful, but then in your fifth stanza you threw in a three liner about liberty. I do say, those lines are beautiful and meaningful with your poem, but it interupted the flow, and flow actually adds to feeling. Thanks for entering and good luck.
-
-
Ok, I changed that... and I think I might like it more now.
The liberty lines are there to clarify the other lines in the piece... to show what the work is talking about. -
You know, you just gave me an idea.
-
-
Indeed... this work needs to be considered line for line carefully.. I can see where someone could be left behind.
-
I do seriously think you should work on getting your poems to flow a better. You turn on a dime, and in so doing you leave your audience behind. I think the imagery, the thought, the incredible passion of the poems are amazing, and think that if you could keep it well linked, they would be truly INCREDIBLE. As it is, I still loved to read this delightful work.
Much Love,
D
-
Amazing.....again
how do you write so well? you need to help me sometime...plz
but i like the poem alot all of your poems that i've read of yours are amazing
♥ Me
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
